all i cannot say i pour out here even tho it feels so painful in a way. i was told to practice self-compassion and i cant. i cant believe anyone cares. the ones who do are the outsiders. everyone else – nope. ive been dealing with really bad depression and isolation. it is hard not to beat yourself up. my heart just had a huge jolt from noise, for me, noise brings up the past. i wonder how much longer i can bare this. my online friend said if i end my life i dont go to a better place and am still “me” and […]
Tag:
my life
i hate asking people for help. I hate being a burden. I hate being the first to text. But i do all of those things anyways cause i cant help it and its better than being alone. My best friend is becoming a stranger. I just feel as though on a daily basis nobody at all cares. Its hard to live like this. Ive never attempted to take my life but ive thought about it more than you can imagine. Sometimes i almost have the courage to attempt but have never gone through with it yet. keyword yet. So, I just wish there was someone […]
No matter how I try to ignore this feeling it keeps coming back…it feels like its a part of myself and it’s wrong for me not to feel the pain or trying to distract myself from the monster inside me…3 days ago I threw away all my razor blades thinking that if I don’t cling to the thing that makes me feel that way it will slowly fade away…I was never so wrong in my life….for 3 days I thought I was invincible then boom!! My ex whom I still love so much found someone else…she has been ignoring me for weeks..at first I thought […]
I had a bad dream the other night so horrible that I kept waking up, but I would fall back asleep. The pain from the dream has been lingering lately and truly saddens me. I sit here and tell myself and the rest of the world that I’m over the first guy I loved. It has been almost a year and the urge to have any contact with him has long been gone. I don’t love him anymore it feels like our whole relationship the past 10 years were all part of a dream. Him moving on helped me to move on and I needed […]
This is the crap in my head. It will probably never go out to anyone but maybe if I post it here it will help me.
I cheated on my boyfriend with my supervisor. After being with him for 10 years and begging him for marriage and kids, after he broke up with me twice I cheated on him. Through the years everytime I felt neglected or ignored i’d get depressed and flirt with guys around me. I never actually liked, was attracted to or gave a shit about these people but the attention was like a drug a quick hit to make me feel better. […]
I’m sorry that I’m writing this I feel like I have no right to be here. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t get a job and I dream of getting a job that works with children but I have no experience in the work place. I look like a child even though I’m 21 have tons of scars on my face and can’t get a date. My college won’t let me into the school of education because I can’t interview well and because of me freaking out because over classes because I have nothing else to live for.
I doubt I will […]
I don’t see hope. I see pain, and a lot of it. I hear voices, and I am exhausted. My life is a couch, and a walk, and sometimes I can eat, and get to places, and sometimes I can’t. No family cares, no church cares, basically, nobody cares, and so I’m saying goodbye soon. Because there has to be some place better than this filthy and disgusting planet full of chemicals and all kinds of horrific things that I can barely stand to live in anymore. The humans have made this planet a waste heap of despair and agony for too many, and I […]
I have nothing left to care for and I have nothing left to think about. I’m alone in the world and that sucks. I feel like I have no purpose and I feel completely useless, no one wants to know me, no one wants to care for me, no one wants me. My life has succumbed to a ball of nothing, my cold black heart longs to no longer beat and my mind is left to ponder the though of the blackness and nothing of death must be a bitter sweet relief to the heaviness the world has become for me. I no longer wish […]
Still Hanging In There – Even If There Does Not Seem To Be Any Light In Sight
written by Justanotherfaintstar
I was twelve-years-old when I had my first thought about ending my life. I do not think that there was a specific event that triggered it. I think it was just an accumulation of many different events and circumstances that left me feeling helpless and completely out-of-tune to the world and my life. I did not have many close friends in school, and my family always seemed to jostle me back and forth with their demands and expectations. People saw me, but it did not feel like people took the moment to look back and actually acknowledge me and get to know me. As I […]
Firstly, I’m sorry for my awful English. English is not my first language so … yeah, i just hope that my post is not so confusing. Well, here it is ….
I never know that I can make it.
I mean, I always thought that I will be dead by now. (I’m 23 years old and I always think about suicide even before my 7th birthday)
Ever since that “accident”, I always torn between to kill myself or to keep living in this hell.
I already prepare the tools (for suicide) too. I keep on thinking about the easiest way to end my life.
Before I reach my 9th year […]
my parents left on a trip and I feel like it’s my time to leave this world
by treefrog
written by treefrog
I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. I struggle with mental illnesses, one being chronic suicidal ideation. I’ve lost everyone, no one understands me. My parents told me to do it, just not in their house. So I’ve found a place where I won’t disrespect my parents or their home. Just one problem. I have two beautiful, loving, loyal cats who have saved my life on multiple occasions. I don’t know if they’ll ever find a home with someone who loves them more than me. I’m not saying that cuz I think I’m anything special, but they are my very best friends. I […]
I was watching tv had a couple of laughs then went back to my usual depression when i rembered that i am alone and always been. Cant even sleep cus my own thoughts betray and remind that i am alone and reminding to never dare to hope because it will only lead to more self hate and to more suicidal plans that i try to get rid off but i just cant because its the only way to “get out” of my life. I used to think i could escape into my dreams and forget about my reality at least for a while but that […]
Dear God,
I know everyone has hard times in their life. I know people all go through different times, extents, and ways of bad. But I’m wondering why mine seems to be the worst case scenario on all accounts. I’m wondering why I can remember more bad times than good. I know there will be bad times. But there has to be good times too. I’m wondering why you took my mom away. Things seem just have gotten a different type of bad now that she’s gone. My step dad is now drinking himself to death and picking up all my moms old habits. Why […]
Born at zero, learnt to walk at one, learnt to talk at two, got friends at three, learnt to draw at four, learnt to count at five, learnt to spell at six, parents divorced at seven, depressed at eight, confused at nine, alone at ten, procrastinating at eleven, drinking at twelve, cutting at thirteen, loved at fourteen, almost had a child at fifteen, started drugs at sixteen, lost everything at seventeen, dead at eighteen
I’m just so fucking stuck. No matter what I do, I’m stuck.
A little back story: my abusive boyfriend of a year and a half and I mutually split. It ended on a really, really bad note. I tend to just push it out of my mind and go numb to get over someone, which was working fine with him, until he messaged me again to try to be just friends. He knows shit like this ruins all my progress, every single time. I don’t think he cares anymore, though. I wouldn’t. I think he’s just getting a kick of dragging me along still. I don’t […]
I’m 31 years old, no kids, been engaged twice which failed. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, and the last girl I dated decided she rather go back to being a lesbian. So usually I just hide behind Apathy and drugs. I only have a high school education, because I lack effort to do anything more. I’ve always been more of a workhorse.
Anyway…
It’s pretty awesome starting off your week after Memorial Day by losing your car. Apparently the car place felt as if they couldn’t wait till this Friday to let me make a payment, and didn’t tell me they would wait.. so they towed […]
So I’ve done something that I’m not proud of at all. Being a Christian makes it worse. It also makes me a phony.
Ive been caught for doing this once before. Once I get a hold on internet connection, there is no limits for me. I get out of control, obsessed and desperate. It’s embarrassing for me really.
I went on something called ‘Meowchat’ and I started talking to some guy. He asked for dirty talk, and I gave it to him. I got nothing out of it, really. He then asked for nudes. I said ‘no’.
I sort of pressured me into sending one picture to him, […]
When will this all get better ? For years I’ve been waiting to just have one person I could love & grow with that would love me back . I loved & I gave 100% & I still got played . I changed my life, my ways, my views & in the end it was all in vein . I’ve never felt betrayal like this before … I’ve never felt pain like this before . I’m always so strong & now I don’t know where that girl is anymore . I allowed people to steal my joy & everything else that made me, me . What […]
At the age of 14, in my first year of highschool, I tried to take my life. I hid under a bridge, without anyone knowing in the morning on October 27th, and I swallowed 60+ pills. The pills were pills that I was prescribed to from my doctor. Before all this, I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had thought that I would get better, but seemingly, I did not. So, that morning, I took pills, and waited. My legs were numb, and I was freezing cold. My whole body was slowly shutting down, and I could feel every little part of it […]
hi ..I always feel lonely and unloved Im always afraid to try new things I always feel nervous when there’s a new event in my life it feels like I will do some mistakes again ..and I can’t think of any positive things maybe because of too many bad things happened to me when I was a kid ..I’m always bullied by my classmates and there’s no one like me because they said I’m ugly. even my mother and father always saying that I’m ugly and I’m just a thrash in their lives ..that’s really hurtful when it comes to your own family that your […]