He is the only thing keeping me going these days. He tells me I’m special and how much he cares for me, what I’m worth, he puts a real smile on my face (the only person who can)… Without out him I wouldn’t be writing this I wouldn’t be here right now. If it wasn’t for his daily words of encouragement I would have taken my life or my mother would have locked me in the insane asylum a long time ago… But thanks to the one person who took the time to understand the time to pay attention and listen. Thanks to him I […]
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my life
Im just confused with the emotions i feel. Feeling a mix of sadness, guilt and anger. For once in my life i am utterly clueless as to which path i should take. I can’t stop thinking of her and the people around me aren’t helping. I hate it. When people i know pretend to have been so close to a person who died just so they feel better and can get sympathy from others. Well the truth is that you never really gave a damn about her life. I can’t go back to the place i was last with her. I tried it once and […]
I went to doctors yesterday and have gota mild eating disorder because I have a fear of gaining weight 🙁 it’s kinda hard cause I also have depression and get a lot of thoughts and everyday is hard. Social worker contacted me yesterday saying if I was safe and I feel the doctor has told them stuff I told them all my levels of trust have gone 🙁 I feel major down and I’m in pain a lot with my back and have cluster headaches a lot too I am also anemic so I bruise easily and I’m quite pale. I have about two friends […]
There’s something that has been bugging me lately, and I would like some of your advices here.
One of my biggest problems is that I’m a nobody (or at least I feel like it). If I died today no one would know who the hell I was or they would forget about me pretty quickly. I have friends, but I often feel like I’m left apart, or that I don’t fit in. And there are a lot of people who I’d like to talk to or I would have liked to, but they don’t even know I exist. People who […]
It’s funny the things that push you to the edge. I write on here just in case I have the strength to leave for good and someone will find this to get answers on why I would have done what I did. I haven’t felt the need to leave in a long time. I thought I was doing so good. Things were looking up. Just slightly. At least enough for me to only contemplate it once in awhile. Have you guys ever read Thirteen Reasons Why? I read it way too much. I get lost into it. I get lost on the idea of leaving […]
I was always alone as a kid. I never knew my dad (I’m pretty sure I was artificially inseminated), my sisters ran away from home, and my mom worked two jobs and vented her frustrations on me. I never really knew how to have friends, but I always tried to talk to other kids. It never worked.
I saw people who had “best friends” and big brother, and I wanted those things so badly. I’d go home and just imagine what he’d be like: strong, smart, funny, and like all the music and video games that I did.
When I was turning 17, a mere 10 days […]
Anxiety, you’re an asshole. You don’t give me comfort and I’d rather see you go but you don’t. You’re trying to find happiness clinging to me? We’ll you can’t have it, it’s mine now and I refuse to hand it over. Who are you? To alter my life like it’s your own. We’ll I’ve had it, I’m about to let go of everything you’ve ever known. Why? Cause I don’t need you anymore anxiety, you’re tragic. Everywhere you go, you go bringing havoc. I’m done anxiety, trying to see while you blind me in the night with your fears. I won’t shed no more tears […]
there goes that numb feeling.. That emptiness and the tears follow.. Its crazy that I could actually do something with my life but its to late for me..my life was over before I had a chance to be on my own..i hate my mother she’s been through so much and if only she got help I wouldn’t be so fucked up so now I’m stuck with the damage the PTSD and depression the every day struggle to smile and act like everything is okay while going to the bathroom 3 times a day just to cut.. My brain is fried everything hurts so much..i cry […]
I am tired to explain my problems, but I suffer every second of my life and it’s not gonna end. I know in my heart I won’t be happy again, I personally ruined my family, friendships, love and job. All my fault, odd story but I self-destroyed myself and I can’t blame anyone but me. I’ll never forgive myself and I’ll never get back the things I lost and I can’t live without them. I have to go to end this.
On the other hand I already hurt beyond imagination the people I love, and I can’t afford to add other pain. My death would literally […]
I don’t know why people keep connecting with me. I know it’s flattering and some people might actually would do anything to get that but it’s rather hard for me. I know spending time with friends would take me away from my problems for a while and that is nice but I know I’m going to be an ass and ruin it. I don’t even know if I’m being an ass or not. I don’t know if people accept me or just trying to keep a profile. I am weird and extremely moody. One shit can hurt me like what AM I!?
I am fine being […]
The only thing that meant to me before I met my love and my life quickly became complete nothingness and complete shit i wait everyday for that chance to prove myself and become one of the few the proud and before I know it I will maybe thats what keeps me going everyone could use some reason some motivation
nothing is worth it anymore. I fuck up in innumerable ways without even trying. Turning to alcohol just makes it worse, causing even bigger failures. I never thought my life would turn out like this. Yes, I am smart, I have a future, how could I be so selfish, I have everything handed to me. I’m a wreck of human, inadequate at life, I have no purpose, no reason. I have messed up nearly everything and don’t want to wake up to face my consequences of anything. I’m reckless, and very soon I won’t be here any longer, unless the cats I work with this […]
I feel as though my life is not worth living. 17 relationships with both guys and girls have all screwed me over just for what they want from me. I’m not a person to anyone. I already attempted suicide once. Now my parents are watching me closer than ever to keep me in their hell. No one respects me. Every one at school hates me for no fucking reason and I’m going to die alone in this world because no one has ever loved me. I am only existing on this earth because of a broken condom. I need to die.
Never occurred to me I could be in a world with so many people and yet feel so alone. Used to think talking would help. It did. But then i lived long enough to grow up. Talking is a waste of time and i dont care to trouble people with my issues. Rough life … Sure but i know others have had it worse than me. My mind and spirit isnt better than the next person nor my tolerace and ability to recover. There is no organ transplant for a damaged spirit. Religion and relationships are wishful thinking. I earn my living helping to ease […]
I am so mad at myself that I feel this way! Why should I suffer when most people have it so much worse. I have a family that loves me, a boyfriend that is awesome, and friends that have my back. It’s just that lately my grades have dropped and I worry that I’m not fitting in. I cut like crazy, and I spend most of my time looking at percabeth fanfictions. I think that I might be going insane! My brothers are so much older than me, and they are amazing at everything. I think that it might be too late for me to […]
For the past 3-4 years of my life, I have urged to become special! I’m not talking about any normal kind of special, I have watched a lot of TV programs and Anime in my life and the characters I see in front of me have these amazing gifts, It fills them with the confidence I wish I had!
I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is try and conjure up a fireball, pathetic right? I just feel like if I managed to do it then I would feel special, If I could perform real magic then I would be the […]
Fuck N Die (I wanna) Fuck N Die (We gonna ) Fuck N Die (I’m a Goner)Fuck N Die (I dont wanna live no longer) imma bout to bust inside never before have I felt so alive I can see my life flashing right before my eyes as I slide my hand ever so gently across your thighs you got me feeling all warm and fluffy inside it got you hot,wet and moisturized and for a second you even got me forgetting that I’m wanting to die but I’m sure it will all come back in due time ,until then it’s game time the balls […]
I just really hate my life… waking up is the worst, coming to a job where you are always on the outside and useless.
My friend tells me I should be happy I have a job… I can see her point but it’s life I have such hatred against, not a job or finances. It’s waking up, breathing, not existing, being eternally hopeless, eternally saddened by things that make others happy or normal… everything hurts and is negative. There’s no “thing” or “sunny day” to change the bleakness of everything in every waking second.
If I were cut out to be here I’d have figured it out […]
Lost and confused…
Im not quite sure what’s wrong with me. I have been struggling with certain “awkwardness” issues my whole life, and have been extremely depressed for about the last year or so. I now feel helpless, I feel like all this struggle is pointles, and I have found myself contemplating suicide on the daily now.
I have always been known as the quite guy and have never been much of a social butterfly. It is hard for me to make new friends or to work up the courage to even call the ones I already have. Its like I have a deep fear of having […]
My math teacher invited me to go spend this weekend with her, she was been helping me alot. And the funny part is all this year I didn’t start liking her til about 3 weeks ago maybe, and now she is a BIG part of my life.
The weekend was fun, her family was very nice to me. Saturday went for a ride on the tractor with her and her dad and saw the horses. Then her dad took me on a motorcycle ride! Then came back and she took pictures of me with her new camera all over the place. It was fun. Last night […]