Tag:

my life

The aftermath.

by anthropophobia 4/29/2015

written by anthropophobia

I recently formed new bonds with people in my life. It was a byproduct of someone giving me a helping hand, offering a new life in a new place. I have been dealing with the same garbage for years, and this was the reason I wanted to die just a few months ago. I was deluded enough to think things could change, that all I needed was a little therapy, and a change of environment.

My mind is obviously still a cluttered mess after the big changes; I haven’t put any real work in. I no longer have an interest in changing or doing the work […]

4/29/2015 1 comment

If you love me, help me die.

by ceaseless_echo 4/29/2015

written by ceaseless_echo

Why is it that for the scariest and most dangerous undertaking of my life, there is no one I can turn to for help? Why do those who supposedly love me want me to continue suffering instead of helping me end my pain? Would they really prefer that I suffer a messy, painful death alone, rather than ensuring that I go out feeling loved and at peace?

I have only to imagine the reverse situation to have the answers to my questions. I know I could not stand by while my loved ones died by their own hand. And yet, this so called love is condemning […]

4/29/2015 11 comments

Fear

by thehusk 4/29/2015

written by thehusk

My life is defined by fear. What am I afraid of? That I will never feel happy, peaceful, or content. That I will never experience love, or form any kind of real connection with another person. That I will never see this world, or my life, as truly meaningful.

Why do I fear these things? Experience. It’s been so many years since I felt ok with reality. Since I got a good nights sleep. Since I had a good day. I can’t imagine anything that would make this life seem ok. I can’t imagine anyone ever being able to accept me as I truly am (pathetic, […]

4/29/2015 1 comment

the world is sick and people are evil

by Godplzhelpme 4/29/2015

written by Godplzhelpme

Everything is falling apart. My girlfriend was kidnapped, held against her will, and raped.For days. she is not the same any more . I promised her I would keep her safe and I failed.i love her so much and I wish I could take her pain away. I have recently started using drugs again and I can’t stop. Im losing everything i love. I want to be strong for her but I’ve never felt more weak in my life. I need help. She is suicidal andd is in a mental institution. I try to give her reasons to live but I can’t find one for […]

4/29/2015 1 comment

Endless cycle

by lake-of-fire 4/28/2015

written by lake-of-fire

it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]

4/28/2015 1 comment

Sharp Edges

by QuirkyFox 4/28/2015

written by QuirkyFox

I need the edge of insanity, to know I’m not crazy.

I want to share the darkest parts of me, be heard and understood.

I crave my death, but will fight for last breaths.

Inside I’m dead, I died when you left.

I can only see my beauty, inside empty hearts.

I need to suffer for my pleasure, I want to suffer for my art.

Are you the one to take me there? Come play loves darkest game.

Mark me with dark bruises, in time they’ll fade away.

Watch me through your windows, while im […]

4/28/2015 5 comments

who fukin cares

by jizmhead 4/28/2015

written by jizmhead

My cat is my best friend and my mother, my children are awesome but live with their mom, big accomplishment from a 37 year old male! Been completely alone for a few days and have spent much time pondering the remainder of my crippled life. I survived a motorcycle accident in 2011, have T.B.I. that has affected motor skills on my right side. I can go on about how drastically my life has changed in what seems a blink of an eye but who really gives a fuck! I do not want this existence, I’m %100 cognitive, very intelligent but everyday I stare down the […]

4/28/2015 4 comments

Little Brother And Minotaur

by Bisban 4/28/2015

written by Bisban

So, does the question remain
Ah, sweet melody
I need to study, to talk about my life
So we can put the puzzle together
The daredevil night, my heart sinks at the bottom
I will do that needs to be done
To maybe someday, you’ll see
Falling down to be
My heart sinks to the bottom
Like the raining sky
I will go far away, and bring everything back
The music is not over
Permaculture
Little brother and Minotaur
And my best friend, his name, is Mecton
And he’s got two Pythons and likes candy and he’s my homie
Walking back together, thrashed by the […]

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4/28/2015 0 comment

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It’s Time

by Black_Heart2001 4/28/2015

written by Black_Heart2001

I’ve just been going around and around in circles for a long time. But the one thing that remained the same when I spun around in these circles was that I was afraid. I was always afraid. At first, it was the fear of death, then the fear of life, then just the overwhelming fear of everything in life.

I’m a coward. I know. I deserve to die. But once again, I was afraid to do it. When I finally gathered up the courage to try, I failed. Then I became even more afraid. I was afraid of trying again. Afraid of what would happen if […]

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4/28/2015 1 comment

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Scars

by maxwell 4/28/2015

written by maxwell

We all have our own stories some may be worse than others but Every scar that buries deep within my skin holds its own story, every one of them shows a victory, its showing that I have won yet another battle with life, so why hate me and judge me for what lies on my arm, you don’t judge a soldier for a battle wound or scars because he got that fighting a war for his life, I did the same thing I have won a war for my life and these are the wounds and scars that have been left behind for me to […]

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4/28/2015 1 comment

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My Way Back

by johnbp123 4/27/2015

written by johnbp123

I’ve suffered from depression a lot in my life. In the late 1990’s, approaching 40 years old, I fell into a deep depression my wife later said I should have been hospitalized for. I was overweight, had left my job and sold our home hoping to follow my dreams. I was (and still am) married with 3 of my 5 children still at home. The 2 oldest had started college.

The money I made from selling our home began dwindling away. I didn’t have a concrete plan or goal as to what I wanted to do but just a vague idea. I ended up moving my […]

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4/27/2015 0 comment

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not enough

by lonelygirl714 4/27/2015

written by lonelygirl714

I’ve always felt like a failure. Never good enough. I feel so empty inside. My mother always saw me as weak and my father, well I don’t know. I always wanted to make my family proud. I was raised to do better than my parents, but I’m not enough, just a failure….i have 3 beautiful daughters and it hurts my heart that I am even considering taking my life….it’s selfish, they need me and I need them, but I am not enough. People have hurt me, abused me, and have broken me..there is nothing left. All I ever wanted was to be loved, but as […]

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4/27/2015 1 comment

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to much pain

by tomuchpain 4/27/2015

written by tomuchpain

Hi everyone im not sure why im on here telling everyone my story but here it goes not that anyone cares i have been thinking about suicide for along time i got hurt several years ago and lost the use of my left arm and i have cronic pain in my arm now i have to take alot of pain meds just to get through the day im on disability and i hate not being able to work my wife left me several months ago because she said im not the same person anymore and i found out she had been cheating on me for […]

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4/27/2015 15 comments

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Turning grey into nothing

by Bloodboil 4/27/2015

written by Bloodboil

It’s time.

I’ve spun around in circles, I’ve tried every known cantrip and trick known to man. I’ve talked with specialists and munched on pills for the better part of a year. The result? A big fat naught.

Nearly twenty years ago a snotty kid at the kindergarden screamed that he’d kill himself, when he got angry. He didn’t not at that time no. Years rolled the kid grew and experienced what can only be described as crippling fear all the way to his teenage years. By then everything had been molten into one gray sheet pulled over the window of life. Suicidal thoughts hung heavy in […]

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4/27/2015 9 comments

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suicide

by maxwell 4/27/2015

written by maxwell

I go for walks every night at around 11-12 hoping that ill be the next murder victim or poor person in that hit and run you see on the news, i do this because i do want to die but i don’t want the people around me to have to deal with the thought that i committed suicide and there to blame for not making my life better, even though some of them are in fact to blame, I don’t like the thought of moving my problem so i want to die in a way that they know there was nothing they could have done about it […]

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4/27/2015 6 comments

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Trapped in my own body

by bittermountains 4/27/2015

written by bittermountains

they say ignorance is bliss, and for a long time i thought they were stupid. how could people who are completely unaware be blissful? Wouldn’t they thirst for the knowledge of this world.

but as I grew up, i realize more and more how true this is. How often do I now wish that I knew less, that I dreamed less, that I could be a part of this world in a way I now know I never could be.

I am a victim of my own mind. Trapped in a lifeless body yet wrecked with dreams of vivid colors and greater adventures. A spirit yearning for […]

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4/27/2015 1 comment

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There is chaos in my heart

by alina_01 4/26/2015

written by alina_01

I know why I chose him, why I loved him so much more than myself. He was everything I wanted, because he was everything I wasn’t. Then I realized that I didn’t want to be like him and I didn’t want him anymore. I spent more than half my life trying to figure out a way to end it. Now that I am 24 and have been through things I still can’t believe I survived I appreciate life. I fear death and I hate myself every time I waste a second or a minute feeling negative or depressed because it’s a minute of my life […]

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4/26/2015 1 comment

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I don’t know

by zekabear123 4/26/2015

written by zekabear123

I don’t necessarily know why I’m here. I guess I’ll just say that I keep thinking about killing myself. My stress is through the roof. Everything in my life is crashing down. I feel like I am making everyone miserable despite the fact that I am trying my best to be my best for them. The only reason I couldn’t ever kill myself is because of my mother and my brother. It would hurt them tons. I don’t know how much longer that will be enough or if I’m just some weak human being who can’t handle things that aren’t to her favor. I just […]

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4/26/2015 4 comments

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my heart..

by missti sal 4/26/2015

written by missti sal

i tell you everyday how i feel, i scream to get you to look back at me as you walk away. i tell you that you are my strength, my everything yet every cell in my body is telling me that i am wrong, that had you really cared you wouldnt have abandoned me, you wouldnt take away in one day what you had given me over four years and ten months.

i cry myself to sleep every night, i wake up in the mornings unable to pull myself together and face another day. the sun is too bright and the dull days are too soul […]

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4/26/2015 2 comments

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Unfixable

by Doesnotmatter 4/26/2015

written by Doesnotmatter

My problems are not fixable. I used to always believe that if life became untenable, one could just “run away.” If you’re really at the point of ending it, why not try escaping it, first? But now I see “no matter where you go, there you are.” My body has failed me. My health is unmanageable. Doctors have failed me. The entire medical profession has failed me (and yes, I know that sounds hyperbolic, but sometimes hyperbole is the only refuge).

A failed hysterectomy… a surgical “accident”… a booboo… an “uh oh, it slipped… shit happens…” has left my life in shambles, and as the problems […]

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4/26/2015 2 comments

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