It all begins with a scream, the scream of an innocent kid who was born in this life of sin .. that kid is me ” Ahmed Mansy”
and this is my story *well it’s not the whole story, i’m kinda bad in english so it’s a summary* , the story of my suicidal trip who was filled with good and bad days.
I grew up in my grandpa house because my parents got divorced when i was like 7 or 8 years i didn’t care or i didn’t know what’s happening i was just a little kid and everything was just too pure and lovely […]
Tag:
needed
If you don’t like to hear ranting, this isn’t the post for you. Like the title suggests, I just needed an outlet where my father couldn’t read and use my words against me.
So, I learned of my acceptance as a university employee back in March of this year. I told my father that I would be getting an apartment and that I would do this and that. Well by April, I had moved in and gotten settled. I realized that the university hadn’t provided certain things like they had originally said they would. The only thing I really care about is the couch. I was […]
ok i would first like to say that this site blew me away and i was so impressed that so many people were able to come together and relate through some of the hardest things in their life.
so, whats going on in my life…let me start from the beginning and by saying THANK YOU to anyone who actually reads this whole thing haha. in all seriousness– my father is an alcoholic and is bipolar, i honestly hate labels because i feel like theyre a false representation of a person. yes he is an alcoholic, but when hes sober, hes great. when i was 9 yrs […]
I’m an 19 year old boy who goes to college. I cant complain about my professional life. However, my social and specially my sentimental life is a mess…
Every girl i ever loved rejects me. I was bullied during my childwood so my self esteem never was very high, but all these rejections are turning it into a whole lower level.
When i entered college i said to myself that i will never fall in love during that time. that i was there only to learn and have fun. That promise didnt last more than a couple of months. i met this wonderful girl, a tiny little […]
hi i guess , im new here , i guess im will tell you my story , sorry if this gets boring. im here because i needed something to let out everything thats bottled up in side of me . i dont have a sad story and people may think that why do i do this because i havent gone through enough , i havent been bullied or abused or any strong like that. ive been self harming for about 1 and a half years , the reason is because im in love , i cant have him , he is my best friend , […]
I went down to my grandparents house. They were nothing but loving and generous. My grandpa gave me a 2012 GMC canyon….I love him so much. I’m always doing something there. going to church. working the food pantry. I even spent the night at the church with a homeless family project. We go to lions club meetings. We always have breakfast lunch and dinner. it is absolute paradise. Today was my first day home. I’ve already contemplated self harm multiple times. No body missed me…they made sure I knew it. The dining room looks like shit (I cleaned it before I left and its been […]
Tired of life, tired of trying, tired of it all. Geezer crispies, no matter what I do or say or anything, I fuck up and no one likes me. I try to help, I try to make them smile, I try to make people forget their problems and what not… it doesn’t work. I am hopeless, worthless, useless, disgusting, stupid, need to go. I’m unhelpful. I’m not able to BE helped. I wish I could just lay down and disappear for life, but, I can’t. I’m too chicken to suicide, I’m too cowardly to run away, I won’t do stupid shit. What the fuck am […]
254.
Two hundred fifty four days since I first made my decision. I went out that day with my rope to a nature trail that is rarely used nearby my work. One solid tree in the secluded woods was all I wanted. It was my birthday. I began walking down the trail, but slipped at the end of a wooden bridge, wet with the Autumn rain. I touched my head. Blood.
Weighing my options, I pulled myself up and headed back to my car. Where I fell was clearly visible by a nearby parking lot, so instead of risking the possibility that anyone that might have seen […]
Everyday at work I come here instead of doing what I should. i love to help people, I really do. I think that we all deserve kindness and patience and love and respect but don’t give it to each other. Life seems shitty.
I’m living with someone who use to be one of my best friends and someone who I thought was my friend. The former BF slept with someone I was sleeping with. It makes me angry yes, but what makes it terrible is that we had a conversation about their desire for each other where I communicated I would be uncomfortable with them sleeping […]
“You’re being selfish”, the words that any suicide debater wants to hear. Do they think this statement helps us. We already feel like a failure, or dumb, or fat, or ugly, or useless, but now we are selfish, thanks so much for the added negative title! In my perspective, they are the ones being selfish! They want me to keep living in this miserable world. They are not living my life, so to me they are the ones being selfish. I am already at a breaking point , does people dealing with a suicide debater, really think adding another negative title to my persona helps? […]
We fought last night and the harsh truth came out. My deepest fears swam to the surface drawn out by his mouth. I begged and told him my fears and troubles and they were confirmed by telling me they were uncared for and deserved. My being, dignity, pride and any settlement in self were mashed all by his sewer. My place and image in the workplace shifted to the bad plain because of him and his embarrassing mouth trying all too hard to gain masculinity. I am uncomfortable in my skin, squirming with shame to get out because of him. Him,him him. I am apparently […]
I feel utterly useless. In my daily life to even on SP. When ever I finally think I can do something, I try my best at it. I work as hard as possible, thinking “This might be the day where I can finally do something right for once!” I brim with the confidence that only appears every other blue moon (If I’m lucky). Only to be destroyed. I end up worse than I was before, getting closer and closer to my limit everytime. I don’t know how much longer I can last. My fuck-ups are only a single percent of my problems, but it hits me […]
Honestly I thought I would be dead by now, and not having to deal with everything I am having to deal with now. I wish I was dead. I feel like a burden to my sister who has been trying to take care of me. I used to live with my boyfriend but he wasn’t sure if he could handle it anymore. I still can’t forgive a lot of the hurtful things he has said. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off without him in my life. Even now, most of my things are in his possession so I can’t really end things. […]
Problems from both inside and outside are drowning me in an ocean of sorrow…I thought I managed to overcome the drug addiction,but this morning I just couldn’t keep my feelings inside without a little ”outside help”,so I started it again…Taking lots of prescription medication with alcohol in order to achieve that disgusting high feeling and then finally black out,only to wake up in my own puke hours later…
If only I could keep my promise to her that I will keep away from doing this ever again…but if I think about it better,she betrayed me…She just used me to get over her own problems,and then dumped […]
It’s my first time here, I want to say that English is not my first language so I’m sorry if I make mistakes.
I’m 20 and I’ve been suicidal since I was 9, I’ve tried it a few times when I was younger and didn’t succeed but luckily no one even noticed. I’ve regularly made cuts in my legs since I was 12, my family and friends have seen the scars and even asked about them but none of them seems to actually care about it.
Last year I started talking with who is my best friend now, she’s suicidal too. We support each other and we […]
Well, I’m starting Prozac.
Can you OD on it? Maybe that’ll be a good thing to stack up with my Klonopin, Zoloft, Seroquel, and capsule full of Benadryl/whatever other kind of headache medicine I found in the kitchen (if I do decide to OD…I’m iffy about that type of exit). Although since I’m stopping those two drugs and only taking Klonopin as needed, if I were to take a bunch at once maybe it’ll be a complete shocker to my system. Then again, I seem to be unaffected by meds half the time so I’m probably going to fail in an OD attempt.
I’m so frustrated with my […]
Do you ever feel so empty you don’t know what to do with yourself? Do you ever feel that whenever you try to cheer yourself up, you never can succeed? Do you ever feel like your such a disappointment to the world, because you never can do anything right? Ever feel that you’re not really needed to anyone? Ever feel that you will never find friendship, love, or a true meaning in life? Yeah, this is me. Anyone else?
Haven’t posted in sometime, sorry people.
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
I can’t exist like this much longer. I just needed to share this with someone who can’t stop me, just understand.
I wonder if the structure of “modern” psychiatric institutions differed from actuality would we have so much strife… what is normal what is abnormal
would people be stuck in jobs that they hate, in bodies that they hate… equating body to buildings, buildings to religion… once I was a wanderer, coming off of forcefully ingested psychiatric medication, not wishing to pollute the earth with a vehicle I walked across town in 100 degree weather and needed a drink of water. Pressed a button on a church’s intercom to ask if they had a water fountain. They said no. Which is a lie, but Christians aren’t supposed […]