All I ever wanted was to die. Those sleepless night I cried. As I watched my blood run down my wrist. He was the only one who made me happy. I pushed him away because of the pain. Now I’m watching form afar. Another girl in his arms. He smiles as he looks at her and I’m wishing it was me. My heart shattered. I’m all alone. I cut to stop the pain. I do it because I don’t want to feel. He always had my heart. I tried to love another but all I could do was think of him. My lover. The man […]
Tag:
night
I’ve lived on the edge my whole life. Never had any stability, never had any sense of security, never felt like there was a tomorrow. I’ll be 38 next month and I’m just so, so tired.
I barely survive week to week. I’ve barely had money to eat when both my jobs won’t/can’t give me the hours I need. I work 12 hour days that add up to only 4-6 hours of pay in total. But that’s not my point. It’s just never getting ahead, never being able to save anything, never moving forward.
My biggest fear is that the man I love really wants to move […]
Hello,
Well, I’m anxious to an extreme point right now about future events and was hoping for some advice because I have no one else to turn to right now and I am desperate for some guidance or reassurance, or whatever.
My problem is that I have been invited to a drinking session with nine other close friends for Halloween at which I am praying to stay over night (for obvious reasons and because of the company). The issue is that my mother is doubtful of letting me stay the night and the concept is only a possibility if she meets the host’s mother. The problem here is […]
Sorry I haven’t posted here in awhile. It’s October and the autumn leaves are falling and it’s getting cold again. I think seasonal change is bringing back a lot of the trauma from last year due to the environment being similar. I been in West Virginia for 13 months now. I’m alone, empty, and dead inside just like I was this time last year, just like I was this time 10 years ago. No one to hold, no one to share my life with, no hope for the future really.
While I’m still not suicidal, I often wonder if that post psychiatric ward hope was just […]
I had a great heart to heart talk again with the guy I love last night. It’s never totally serious which is nice. There’s jokes here and there and he does try to be as kind as possible. He says it’s a big cosmic joke, the universe is just fucking with us and saying fuck you both because he just can never feel that way for me or be attracted to me no matter what but I’m the closest person he’s ever had, that we get along the best, and he trusts me more than he’s ever trusted anyone. He started it, I forget what […]
Is it wrong that every night my tears stain my pillowcase. No one notices i often slip back into the mindset where i just see no point. Everyday i pray to God to give me the courag e to end it. Why am i not good enough??? Why???? I just want it to be over not tommorow, not the next day, but today. I hate myself. I hate my life. No one cares about me. No one loves me. I am giving up. What do i do????? They can’t tell that my will to live has disappeared. They can’t tell that my leg shakes because […]
Okay so I’m going to be ranting for a bit. If you read my last post, you might remember me saying I met someone a while ago who helps me with my problems. Last night, I was feeling really horrible so I texted her because talking to her always cheers me up. But she kept reading my texts and not replying. So I just moved on, thinking she was busy. Then one of my other friends showed me a picture of a conversation between her and a guy. The guy kept asking her for nudes. She has been exploited in the past for nudes from […]
I’ve been through it all.. it started when I started high school to when I lost my first boyfriend. I tried overdosing on Pain Killers nothing happened… nothing ever happens. I try to hang myself.. over 10 times and it always end up to me taking it off my neck and being weak about it. Because in all reality who really wants to die right? We just want the pain to end. But it doesn’t last. But Lately I’ve been letting this whole suicide thing get to me. I’m literally thinking about doing it tomorrow and succeeding. I don’t know what else to do. This […]
So…hi everyone. My name is Jayden. I…deal with a plethora of problems on a daily basis. I have panic attacks very often and nightmares that make me cry nearly every night. I’m socially awkward…my friend had to ask me quite a bit just to post on this site. But regardless of all my problems…I met a girl who seems to make them all go away. The first time we talked on the phone I didn’t even have a nightmare that night. She means the world to me. We even had an LDR…but it ended after a couple months. But she still helps me with all […]
This past weekend seemed miserable much of the time but later last night i had another good moment and talk with the guy I love. Im trying not to takke it personally. So he doesnt believe I’m really attracted to him because I’m the only person who is and he feels shitty about himself for being fat. He has a lot against being fat, and is stuck on society’s opinions of stick thin equals beauty. So he showed me pictures of himself when he was 200 lbs vs being 290-300 as I’ve known him. He does look a bit different but hes still amazingly gorgeous […]
What a funny night. An ex of mine is the gayest guy who doesn’t know he’s gay. He dumped me for this girl who has facial hair and a unibrow, married her and they started having kids right away. He talks and acts like you would swear he is gay. His profile picture is a gay pride flag. Oh god, haha, some day he will realize he’s gay. And the dudes who were in line with me and my dream guy that e day I met him are a couple?!? Wow! My dream guy gave them tattoos and the dudes stiffed him for payment. But […]
just posted my happy, hopeful goodbye letter this morning. i knew it wouldn’t be so easy. to be positive and live happy, that is. already crying, hopeless. sucks. good night
I tried to use the Reddit app for the first time last night. I posted some very personal stuff in the Depression and in the LGBT section to see what people would say. The responses were extraordinarily abusive. People blaming me for something someone else did that was out of my control. People telling me to fuck off and get a therapist. I’m actually shaking it was so upsetting. This is why I don’t try to make friends, whenever I reveal anything about my depression to punish me for it. When I deleted my account there was a question of why I was doing this […]
I remember my recent birthday, it was horrible. My mom, and my dad kicked me to the dirt and left me to cry my eyes out in my bathroom because I went to a friends house that day (yes I did tell them). My dad smiled to me and said “happy fucking birthday”. How those words hurt me so much. And to this day I still don’t know what I did wrong. So much yelling and arguing, but for what? I don’t even know..
I also remember when I was supposed to go to a amusement park with some of my friends, but I got stressed […]
After stating nearly a month ago that I wanted to participate in this community more, I’ve been silent. Part of it, I’m only slightly ashamed to admit, is damage to my ego: for some odd reason, I thought people would care more. That’s not supposed to an accusation against you, please understand: it’s just me overestimating my value. Overestimating myself has happened more often than I’d like.
Regardless, the majority reason I didn’t follow through on coming around here more is that my mood rebounded. September 2015 has gone really well for me: pretty much everything has broken my way, starting with getting closure on a […]
I started freshman year of high school with slight signs of depression. I was at a stage were i hate myself. I didn’t like anything about myself. I had plenty of friends, but none who i felt i could confide in. I felt alone and worthless.
I told a few friends about how I felt, but i only told them vaguely. They all would go on rants about how amazing i was and that in no way was i worthless. I never believed them.
School started and it was getting harder. I was starting to develop an anxiety disorder. Before then i had never felt […]
Im a little nervous bout tomorrow night. I dont have anything planned but it always seems in my luck for things to start turning topsy turvy whenever i let the roll of the dice take the wheel. Ive been spending the week with a really close friend of mine i known since highschool. Hes been under a lot of stress with his mom going through chemo even had an infection scare and i drove her an hour back towards LA to the nearest hospital.
Shes doing much better btw and weve been having a good time in each other’s company but it feels bittersweet knowing […]
Thursday night was suppose to be my last night alone. I was suppose to be so excited I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I was suppose to be freaking out all Friday for the moment I got the message to come open my door. Well it didn’t happen. I doubt it will happen today either. I guess I can play with the dogs sometime today before I drink the night away watching SEC.
Is anyone else on here a Military spouse or SOS?
The corruption of goodness is not unique to one side
The purity of your character is not defined by labels
But by the decisions you make
Those you degrade, disrespect, and abuse
Will see you as no hero
You say your side has the “truth”
Well the truth is a dime a dozen
If faith is outmoded by reason
Why does it lead you to this treason?
How can you not see the common thread?
The human element marks our wickedness
Not our beliefs but our corrupt existence
The human stain on the face of the world
Each person spreading their lies with a […]
you know, I spoke very prematurely when I came out of the psyche ward. In hindsight, all it did was trigger my desire to make friends. Once they all rejected me, it brought out my Borderline Personality Disorder (which was what I was diagnosed with in the ward). I have attachment and rejection issues. What a load of garbage. I wish they would have just sent me home the next day after my suicide attempt. I wasn’t suicidal a day after my attempt and I’m not suicidal now. If I would have just went home instead of going to the psyche ward, I’d be just […]