my nightmares have gotten worse. my fear of being asleep is debilitating. it’s getting harder and harder to remind myself that i’m being excessively paranoid about things that are “unlikely” or some shit. i’m convinced that i’m constantly in danger. i don’t like being asleep because it means i can’t defend myself or my family. i don’t like not being in control of my surroundings. i want barbed wire on the fence. i want a taser. i want a full, realtime security system where there’s a security agent constantly watching the cameras and who will call 911 when something is happening. i want to be […]
last night I had another nightmare. i don’t know why I say this as if I don’t have them every single night. when i wake up, i have to spend a while laying awake in bed, trying to process what i had experienced during my rest. it’s horrifying. these people that i try to push from my mind reappear as if my dream is their real estate. i’ve tried medication, meditation to induce lucid dreams, i’ve done everything within my power. it’s like some twisted possession, my thoughts are no longer in my control and the images of disturbing, horrifying things sit in front of […]
i can’t feel anything lately. right now i should be sad, a family member passed away yesterday. but i truly just don’t feel anything. it’s like i’m walking on air
that’s not new though, i’ve been struggling for a few weeks. recently, certain memories regarding childhood trauma have resurfaced, and i don’t know why. again, i’ve been struggling a lot.
i don’t know what i want to say, actually. you know how people sometimes change their personalities slightly depending on who they’re with? lately i had to create a new persona, let’s say. my mom said a few things on different occasions, so i decided to pretend […]
I’ve been having consecutive bad dreams. It’s been draining me.
I’m hated in those dreams. The world against me.
Great. My only escape is being blocked.
I don’t want to sleep for now.
I’m sorry to say that I’m here again, not that you people are bad people, but I only come here when things are getting overwhelming. I’ve been cutting again, a precursor to other self destructive behaviour; and this time it’s the nightmares. I’ve been trying to stop drinking, and it’s only causing me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, or swinging. More so than usual, but usual had been passing out so drunk that I’m paralysed. I’m getting so tired of the new and inventive horrors my mind keeps in store to greet me in sleepy land. I just wish that […]
If my nightmares come true. If he gets hurt and doesn’t survive. I do not want to live any more. If he doesn’t survive, neither will I.
Hey guys, sorry, this is kind of my first post. Just I felt I needed to share some things that were on my mind. Don’t really feel comfortable talking about these things but it’s been weighing on me pretty heavily.
I’ve… well I mean there’s no easy way to say it… But I’ve contemplated suicide before. Never was able to do anything about it, but the thought goes through my head a lot more than I care to admit. I’ve just been having so much stress compiled on me, and so many things going through my head it’s just killing me.
The thing is I’m the last […]
I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t so terrified
I would have left long ago
But I am scared
I am scared of what waits for me
Who is right
Or are my nightmares real
And that’s what waits
Heart wide open
I’m am the chosen
Lost and broken
So many words left unspoken
Oh how I wish I was more outspoken
I try to sleep but I’m always awoken
Nightmares, eating at my soul, an empty soulless erosion
I have nothing left, I am emotionless
Make no motions
My mind reopens
Racing thoughts it’ll soon be an explosion
Self destruct in 3……2…….1….
The more I try to channel them out, the more they come rushing in… End me!!! Someone put me down!! They win!! I give up…
Hi everyone!
Nothing personal today, but I’ve been having strange dreams for years, even before I was on sedatives or antidepressants, and sometimes these things make them more vivid, but they’re always strange. I can’t remember them most of the time, but I remember flashes of things, like dizzying heights, zombies, the end of the world (actually pretty common for me), people getting mutilated, trying to solve a mystery or stop a crime.
Anyway, I wondered if anyone had any dreams or nightmares they would like to share. I’m wishing I could remember what I dreamed last night, but apart from a few snapshots, it’s gone.
So these dreams that I have they are all from that voice I hear and shadow I see. All these dreams of gruesome murders I hate it. They don’t stop first it was Adam even though he passed that thing uses him against me in my dreams. Then my dad he passed away so much blood and gunshots that from that day I hated loud noises. In my dreams he makes me remember everything that happened that day. Then my cousins brother I forgot how he looked but I remember he committed suicide by hanging himself. So in the dreams he has a blank face […]
the nightmares begin again. After five years they continue. ffs.
I’m so sick and tired of bad things always happening to me. I had a terrible childhood, adolescence and now adulthood. Recently, my worst nightmare came true. I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I haven’t thought about it since I was 14 years old and now I regret not doing it then. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 10 years old, kill myself and frame my adoptive parents for murder. That’s what they deserve. But it’s too late now. I didn’t kill myself when I was 14 because I falsely believed that “it would get better”. I was wrong. It […]
Is it normal… to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?
Having been so caught up in everyone’s “expectation†of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?
Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.
You have all these hopes… dreams… ideas… that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.
Then you go to sleep… still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]
I have posted here before, a while ago already.
Anyways, now I’m still in this mess, alone every single day, doing nothing. No one who cares about this, because “autism is the problem”. I will be starting therapy to deal with my autism in 2 weeks, so I guess that is a good thing.
Although i dont believe this is the “problem” I just let it run it’s course, I mean, all those psychiatrists are trained for it right? They sure must know it better than me?
Now I have been sitting home every single day, alone, for the past year, doing nothing at all. I rarely talk […]
My journey has started today. 200 days until the end. And I wondered… We spend a lot of time trying to organise the world. We build clocks and calendars and even try to predict the weather. But what part of our life is truly under our control?
I also sat down today and I think this is going to be the opening of my book.
“In a time where I can’t really see anything but the bottom of a pill bottle. I have come to realize that dreams are a […]
Everyone has to die one day, then why should wait for your death. It is better to take your life by your own way, a less painful death. Why should wait for some miserable disease like cancer. And most importantly if you are so hopeless that you don’t even want to wake in the morning. You wish that you never been born at first place. You don’t have a single person in your life to trust, to share your pain. When you are back stab by your best friend, cheated by your girlfriend, watching your father died with cancer. When the nightmares don’ let you […]
I have a reason to stay alive. I know nobody cares but for so long I barely lived with any reason but now I found him. He brings me pure happiness. For the first time I have a smile that is really mine. Behind closed eyelids no longer am I haunted with nightmares and worry but peace and knowing when I wake up he will be there right beside me. When I feel his warmth the coldness in my heart melts away and I am left feeling such strong love that it keeps my thoughts so far away and I can actually live. I am […]
I’m here today because I’m feeling extra depressed. Yesterday I actually counted my attempts and I realized I’m up to 7. What do you do when the only person in your life that ever made you happy doesn’t want to be with you? They tell you they love you and still care about you but are determined not to be with you. After all the promises we made about never letting something like this happen and she did it anyway. I can’t recall any dream I’ve ever had but now I dream every single night about her. Happy dreams where shes with me, then I […]
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