Today I feel lonely and depressed. I woke up and I don’t even know why I’m still here. I overthink about what happened and I can’t help but cry. I still miss that stupid asshole and my baby so much. I’m crying while typing this post. I feel that it’s all my fault. That thought haunts me. Plus, I don’t have friends IRL and therefore no one to talk to. My family doesn’t help me. If anything, they make me feel worse about myself. My mom won’t let me go out or do anything to alleviate the pain I’m feeling or at least distract myself […]
every time I wake up, the very first sentence is ” I hate living”.
Today it was “Am I dead yet ?”
I got a roof and something to eat, but I spend all my time alone here in my room. But it makes me feel safe, it makes me feel good doing everything I want with no one here to see me.
Yesterday I was really ready to kill myself, something deep down drove me to take a damn knife and end it all, but then I couldn’t.
I called some line where you can talk but the person didn’t said anything that hasn’t be said.
I want to […]
Since it is two in the morning here, I realize this is probably the worst possible time to be here expecting any sort of answer.
I’ve noticed there’s an “evening group” which is usually here from about 7:00 to midnight or so, and then there’s (as Douglas Adams might put it), a “long, dark tea-time of the soul” for a handful of hours until the “morning group” arrives around 5:00 or so.
Because of internet connectivity issues, I missed the usual evening time-shift and didn’t get here til about midnight or so.
This means my insomniac self mostly has an inactive page for most of the night.
Originally I […]
I’ve struggled with it for so long. I thought that loneliness was something I had to protect myself from. I spent so much time putting up walls that I didn’t realize it was coming from in me. It wasn’t seeping its way into me, because at my core and my karmic debt, I am loneliness. I don’t deserve to have people who cherish me.
I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough. I can’t save people. What good is someone like that? I keep trying though. I find people who need someone. Someone to fill that place that sits somewhere behind their heart. They only need me […]
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
Everyone will let you down.
It sounds pessimistic, but it’s true. It’s sort of inevitable. When I was younger, I thought that if someone loved you, you automatically loved them back. I thought that everyone would have that perfect, fairy-tale ending. I thought everyone would find their soulmates and all the beautiful feelings of adoration would be reciprocated. Unfortunately for eight-year-old me, this isn’t the case. The sad truth is, you could love someone and give them the world and they could still not give a single damn about you. And you could do the same to them. It took me a long time to […]
I think this photo will be the wrong way around when it posts, but oh well.
I finally went to see Deadpool yesterday, so of course I had to draw him. I don’t really like the way this turned out, but I decided to post it anyway since no one else will look at it. So, despite not leaving my room until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, I still had a productive day.
How do you survive when the enemy lives within. When your brain and emotions are the are the very things that are eating away at your essence. When you silently screaming yet no one can hear you or even begin to comprehend the dark thoughts roaming around inside you….
Well I’m planning to end my life in the next day or so because I just can’t take it any more. I’m not really sure why I’m even posting this but I feel someone should know how I feel at least. Things have been terrible for me since my mother’s death last March.
I’m 28 but because of severe anxiety and other issues have never had a job and thus have no money of my own so I’m stuck living with my father who I hat for many reasons and have hated for about 20 years. Not the least of these reasons is that he […]
Another day living in this disenchanted society. In society I am not enchanting. In society I have to live a certain way and look a certain way. I cannot fit into this category. I can barely live. I am turning insane. I want to drop out of this cruel life I live in vain.
I am extremely exhausted of being in this world. So much is asked of me. On the outside is nothing but me and I am nothing to me. I hate walking around pretending to be like everybody else. I hate the falseness. Society is one false sob. Every single person idolized is […]
My mum is accusing me of making everything up. This isn’t the first time. She used to say this about my depression. Then my anxiety. Then when I first started hearing and seeing things. And now again. I told her weeks ago when she found out about the Angels that I haven’t told anyone because not only do I not know if they’re Others, but I was scared no one would believe me. And now she says this. Apparently it’s too much for her to handle and she wants to walk out on me. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to almost hate […]
Its writing here, on Suicide Project, waiting for someone to be out there.
But no one is.
And its like all you feel is the worst kind of loneliness……..
How many of you fine gentlemen and ladies agree with me on this?
I cut (yet again) about 3 hours ago after 2 years of having gotten over it. Yeah, it sucks… I did it in the middle of a party. I was the only depressed asshole there and no one noticed or gave a damn.
So… yeah… how much time does it take for a scar to heal?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.
but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.
I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine
I wanna stop feeling lonely…
Hello,
I am gonna leave SP pretty soon. Somehow this site triggers my sadness.
If anyone wants to talk via email, id love to.
sui_rc@yahoo.com.
Be happy, to anyone and everyone who reads this. You will have realised by now that life moves pretty fast, and its to short to be sad over something. I use sad a s a generic word for anxiety, depression etc.
This site has provided me a lot of support when no one near and dear to me understood why i cut.
Because when she died, she grew wings, because when she died she set her soul free.
Because of her death the world will finally know the truth….
Butterflybae’s book is being published, “MASQUERADE” we are helping her to finish what she started. Her blog was a very small portion of what she had written in regards to her book. She kept a video diary as well, that will be put up on Youtube for all to see in the next few days. Also a complete collection of all her songs and poetry will also be published.
If you knew that no one misses you, and noone would miss you when you are gona, except maybe those who are biologically programmed to, like parents etc. What would you do?
Off late this has been a reccurring thought. Cus i am that person you know, whos there, like whos not making the world better , or the person who is never gonna make a difference, the person who just exists. For no reason. Like a speck of dust floating around.
What would happen if i do get the guts to kill myself, not that i ever would, but i like to think about it a […]
I am…
Tired of being aware
Tired of living with the belief that everyone finds me ugly (even though I am)
Tired of never being positive and frowning
Tired of having no one to talk to
Tired of not having a friend
Tired of never feeling loved by anyone
Tired of watching the people from a distance that I yearn to be friends with
Tired of being me.