Tag:

Ocd

Only one exit

by ArrangementOfSymbols 4/20/2014

written by ArrangementOfSymbols

I’m not sure exactly where I would fall on the spectrum of suicidality. I have a plan. I am in the process of obtaining the means. But even once I have them, I’m not sure I’ll go through with it. I want to have the option.

I’m sad, but it’s due to having to face this decision. Given the choice I’d rather live, but after 20 years of intractable pain with no promise of a cure or even treatment, I realize that this can’t go on much longer.

I have a rare and exquisitely vicious form of OCD. My mind reacts to every small mistake I make […]

4/20/2014 5 comments

My life crumbling away

by MonsterInside 3/12/2014

written by MonsterInside

It started when I was really young. I started writing suicide letters to my mother at the age of 5. Â Around age 7, I wasn’t very smart and I attempted to choke myself with my own hands not knowing it wouldn’t work. Around age 11, I took sleeping pills and then took a bath lying on my stomach, hoping I would drown as I slept. Since then I haven’t attempted suicide but I have frequently thought about it. I started cutting myself last year. I never ever cut deep because it scared me but I enjoyed the pain. I started cutting because I truly hated […]

3/12/2014 2 comments

Day 2 of Work Experience, More Humiliation

by JiminyCrispies 2/4/2014

written by JiminyCrispies

Second day of work experience, and slightly better than yesterday. Maybe? Though it could just be because I finished two hours early. Also, I made my list again of what Iâ€™ve done to humiliate myself.
9:10am: I felt myself beginning to have a panic attack because Iâ€™d only just arrived, so I was ten minutes late.
9:17am: Iâ€™d calmed down a little.
9:34am: The worry over hidden cameras was back again, though I didnâ€™t start looking for them yet.
10:12am: I was in a hyper mood and couldnâ€™t stay still, so was messing around with the trolley and smashed into a pile of […]

2/4/2014 2 comments

I’m tired of the streotypes…

by whyme336 1/24/2014

written by whyme336

Most people say cheerleaders are sluts, perfection, skinny, and easy. But we aren’t all like that. We are all human we all make mistakes and fight our own battles. I’m an elite and school cheerleader; I am anorexic, on medication for depression and anxiety, and I was diagnosed with OCD. So think before you judge a cheerleader just cause we act confident in our own skin doesn’t mean we are.

1/24/2014 4 comments

All I wanted was to play with my friends…

by meVStheworld 10/23/2013

written by meVStheworld

Now, you may think I’m just that teenager, who goes bitching about their Mother and has tantrums about who gets the remote.

This isn’t the case.

Throughout my life, I have had a fairly descent childhood, I’m not raped, I’m not assaulted. It’s more of a psychological thing. From the age 0-7 every thing was fine and dandy. Both my Mother and my Father had a healthy relationship, two sweet little girls and a bouncy boy (me). Then it all went wrong. My Mum decided my oldest sister was responsible enough to look after us, cook for us and care for us; being 13 at the time. […]

10/23/2013 1 comment

Pretending

by Sunnygirl1 9/10/2013

written by Sunnygirl1

Right now, I’m 20 hours away from the rest of my family and my friends. I’m taking online classes and getting new medication since I can’t get medication where I live.

It’s not very fun. I have therapy sessions every other day, doctor’s appointments, and I have my depression, paranoia, bipolarity, ptsd and ocd to deal with.

Guess what though? This is a vacation for me. When I go back to my school in November, the vacation’s over. When I go back, I have to plaster that smile back on my face. I’ll have to talk to my friends, pretend everything’s alright. It’s really exhausting to have […]

9/10/2013 3 comments

A week

by LoveandRazorBlades 6/7/2013

written by LoveandRazorBlades

A week leading up to my death, well that will be worth documenting. Next week my family is out of town, which means I will have plenty of time to die. So now I know the date, am I scared? No. Excited? Possibly, at least more so than scared. It feels kind of like planning a fun camping trip except I will not come back. Either way, planning is fun, or that could be my OCD, I don’t know. So what will my last day look like? Well I will wake up probably late and take plenty of time to rest. I will smoke a […]

6/7/2013 4 comments

Saved

by Kei 3/31/2013

written by Kei

I suffer from PTSD, OCD, and bipolar II.Â I’m also a FtM transgender person.Â My father died in 2009; I was only 20 and was his next of kin and had to to everything relate to the burial.

It took a toll on me.Â I didn’t even tell my doctor until 2010, when he put me on antidepressants.

The medication works, for the most part.Â But sometimes, my depression creeps back up again.Â It did that two years ago.Â I had pills stashed, I was ready to do it…

But then an anonymous person commented on a blog post of mine.Â It was just the first public post […]

3/31/2013 1 comment

I am a suicide victim

by bear417 1/30/2013

written by bear417

i have attempted suicide at least 5 times. I have thought about it more hours than I can count. Ive suffered rape, loss of loved ones, physical and emotional abuse, OCD, and an unstable childhood. In spite of all these painful reasons to die, I’m turning 25 and I am so grateful that all my attempts were thwarted.

I was always in so much pain I could not think about anyone else.

Two years ago my view of suicide was completely changed. My boyfriend of over 5 years killed himself in my bedroom while I was at work. Never in my life have I felt more pain. […]

1/30/2013 3 comments

My name is Ammoniacku

by ammoniacku 1/18/2013

written by ammoniacku

I am Ammoniacku and i am 21 and live in Eastern Europe.

I suffer from OCD and depression. In fact i have been anxious and depressed my whole life. You wanna know why? I am just bored beyond anything by people, in fact even writing this message bores me to death.

I find most people boring and they are turned off by my sarcasm and humour and in fact i think most humans are phony. In Â fact, i declare myself the Holden Caulfield of eastern europe. I hate all social cliques, i am bored beyond my mind by the college i am doing, i have no skills […]

1/18/2013 12 comments

What should I do?

by theundeadsoul 1/12/2013

written by theundeadsoul

For almost a year i’ve been suffering from OCD. I’m depressed, numb and sometimes just thinking about ending it.

The only thing that have kept me from ending it was this one girl in my class that i recently learnt to talk to… We talked about random subjects together and just had a good time. Whenever i was feeling down, she talked to me and made me happy. Every time I would talk to her, my bath’s (normally about 45 minutes) would decrease to about 30 minutes. She’s the only thing that keeps me going. She makes me want to fight, to become normal. Our relationship […]

1/12/2013 8 comments

Stranger in my own home

by Babydoll95 12/9/2012

written by Babydoll95

I feel like a stranger in my own, even though i have my stuff all through the house, i still don’t feel like i live in this place. It makes me feel even more depressed then i am. I wish there was someway to make myself feel like this is my home as well but i don’t think that will ever happen unless i live by myself or with my boyfriend instead of a youth organisation where we share a unit of the same sex. Maybe it’s because i have OCD, that makes me feel this way but i don’t know. I just wish things […]

12/9/2012 1 comment

What now

by BrooklynBoxx 12/6/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

.. Have i ever thought i’d get to this point no.. im only 14 why am i here. What did i do to deserve this. I guess this is the time i’d share my story right? Exsplain it all get it out, wipe my slate clean. But im sure none of you care to hear my story. So if you dont stop reading, its not gonna be a happy one.

I was 3 when my mom kidnapped me, she abused me every day tried to kill me once out of jealousy, cause after i was born no one gave her attention anymore. Great mom right? after […]

12/6/2012 3 comments

Maybe this could help somebody..

by lovemylily 11/15/2012

written by lovemylily

Hey guys,

Ive only been suicidal for about 2 months now although ive had obsessive thoughts, depression,Â and anxiety most of my life (im 27 f). It all started for me when i suddenly started having significant perceptual difficulties as well as cognitive (memory) problems along withÂ severe debilitatingÂ anxiety and depression.Â After researching it myself and talking to dr.s IÂ then convinced myself that i must be developing a mental illness or something similar to schizophrenia. The fear has taken over my life and the idea of having a psychotic mental illness is something that i couldnt live with so although i havent full blown developed it yet i feel […]

11/15/2012 4 comments

I wish…

by foreverfighting 11/1/2012

written by foreverfighting

I wish I had a normal life with parents and going to parties and having fun.

I wish I could see my mum again, at least one last time to say goodbye.

I wish I didn’t have anxiety problems, depression and OCD.

I wish I didn’t have to pretend to be happy all the time.

I wish I could actually meet my brothers and sisters and let them know I actually exist.

I wish I had a proper family, not just an aunt and an uncle.

I wish I had people around me who would understand me.

I wish my mum was here so she could hug me and tell me everything […]

11/1/2012 4 comments

Rant about my life?

by foreverfighting 10/23/2012

written by foreverfighting

Okay so I won’t tell you my name just incase someone reading this knows me. I randomly found this website just before searching up suicide things on google. Anyway I am a seventeen year old girl living in New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with depression by a doctor and people tell me all the time they think I suffer from other disorders like bipolar and OCD and others like that.

I have three half-brothers and one half-sister as well as a full sister. I have met two of my half-brothers about three time. My other half-brother and my half-sister don’t even know that I exist. […]

10/23/2012 1 comment

#4 A long time passed yet am back here. I wish something could help.

by loopey 10/12/2012

written by loopey

So, my story continues. Â I’ve got spinal problems causing chronic pain which I have lived with for years, but there’s no cure. Â Just strong strong painkillers. Â I’ve got mental health ‘issues’, to put it nicely. Â I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, to treatment-resistant depression, OCD and PTSD. Â Borderline personality disorder tendancies, with obsessional-compulsive personality disorder. Â My current diagnonsense is Bipolar II with complex PTSD, chronic pain and chronic suicidal ideation.

Recently though, this chronic level of suicidal thinking has escalated into something much deeper and darker. Â I am back to believing that things definitively cannot get better; I cannot get better as I am so […]

10/12/2012 4 comments

I haven’t been on the original SP in a while….

by RogueShadow1281 9/30/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Been preoccuppied with sp chat and FBSP rather than the original. My old home. I have endured much in my past i jsut want out. I need a gun. Fast. My moms boyfriend wants to take me to mexico so we could shoot guns and shoot drug dealers cuz i want the army to “shoot people”. I want to off myself is the real reason. I am triggered by special phrases that fuck me over most of the time. Whats going on? almost always triggers the voices especially when im insane from 12-4 am… I started crying right now cuz of the voices coming back […]

9/30/2012 2 comments

Are you afraid of being alone? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you. Are you afraid of leaving tonight? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you….

by Nat.... 9/21/2012

written by Nat....

I have the worst fucking headache ever. 🙁

Today during first lesson, I got this amazing feeling. Y’know, That feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay’? Well, it’s gone now. It’s been replaced with hopeless despair and the slight sickening thoughts of ‘This could all be over’ are slowly creeping into my mind and taking over. I’m afraid of being alone.. I’m really afraid. I don’t want to be alone…

I really want to have something new to say, But I don’t. I have nothing. Same old shit about this broken toy that you’ve all read before.

My OCD is getting worse, A fuck load worse. And […]

9/21/2012 3 comments

My Desires for the Blue Mermaid

by jamesm0792 9/20/2012

written by jamesm0792

Hello.

I think I’ll start with introducing myself so that, you know who I am and you won’t have to put it all together in confusion.

My name is James, but I like to be called Jamie. It’s more fitting and all of my friends call me that.

I’m 16 and enduring my Junior year of high school, Â so far the hardest year of my life.

There are many things that make me sad, which seems to be the case for most sincere people on this site, so I’ll just break my rant up into parts according to what’s going on.

My Brain

The thoughts that I have are so unorganized, […]

9/20/2012 4 comments

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