The desire of death is always haunting me like a bad memorie . The joy of a end is a longing of my soul. The sound of silence is pleasant music to my mind that I do not own.
The peace of nothing is a craving to strong. If you have the answer I beg you to foretold. As I have tried many a road and a different end I do not hold. Just the desire of my eyes to close.
Tag:
Peace
Today was even worse I have this overwhelming desire not to live anymore. I passed a wreck I even stopped to see if everything was okay.. I got back in my car and cried because I wasnt the one who died in the wreck! I would gladly take the place of the other person.. I cry everyday more today then usual.. No one would care if I died my family would only be worried about their perfert image and what people would say about there daughter killin herself. My funeral would be filled with not close friends and a happy family but with people who […]
Each day the pain gets worse and worse and you act like I’m not Ben there… You act like my feelings don’t matter… Is it insane for me to just want peace?? To let everything go?? I’m trying to help you with her… It’s like you don’t realize that I may still not be over you??? You can’t just fall out of love with someone… You said you loved me. You lied through your teeth and I was stupid enough to believe it. I can’t handle the pain anymore… It just hurts too bad. I really just want forever peace from all pain and all […]
The desire of death is always haunting me like a bad memorie . The joy of a end is a longing of my soul. The sound of silence is pleasant music to my mind that I do not own.
The peace of nothing is a craving to strong. If you have the answer I beg you to foretold. As I have tried many a road and a different end I do not hold. Just the desire of my eyes to close.
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
I almost made it 28 yrs ago when I felt the world had given up on me or maybe I had given up on the world i don’t know any more I was 24 just had my 3rd son and in my 2nd marriage my first one was abusive , I finally got out. now my husband had left me with a newborn . my family no help said i was crazy like my Grandma I cryed so much that no tears came any more just the empy feeling nobody loved me nobody cared the world would be better off with me gone,I took the […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
I envy most of you beucase you have god as a net for when you fall. I dont believe in god so my fall has no bottom I have been inside the lowest nihilism and lost the motivation to self harm I have felt like just laying still in my bed forever. I believe that hen i die I am gone forever Religion has actually been a large cause of my problems becuase It showed me that humanity is gulible and that they will murder over somthing thats core message is love and peace.
Does death have to be such a stigma ? If I choose to go can my loved ones be satisfied knowing that peace is with me (I hope) and I no longer suffer the unbearable, day to day mental obfuscation my own mind commits yet is self unrecognizable while it’s happening and too late to matter enough after the fact ? That has been my struggle since I was 18, I suppose, I’m 26 now and I’m ready to join the 27 club(if I get there). Everybody has their problems I suppose and I am no different, however I do feel like a 1 in […]
i hate when people say killing yourself is selfish… its not!!! When i think about it i always think about all the people who say its selfish… but y is it selfish??? its a way out… its peace for people who r in pain…
Speaking of pain i noticed something about my self… when people try to get close to me i push them away b/c im afraid ill hurt them or they will hurt me… i dont want to drag them into the pit im in and i dont want them to try to hurt me any worse then i already am…
In a state of perfect suspension
Floating in undetermination
Waves of anxiety growing
Drowning and dying in frustration
Death on my face barely showing
Losing myself in the painful sea
Undefined creature torture to be
Forever shifting in unmade Mind
Unsure of any reality
My created world now to me lies
Kill me now, my doubted creator
Unbalanced, uncompensated I suffer
Unknowingly giving all my heart
I am ever unable to conquer
This infectious hope of a new start
Confusion seeps in and soaks my soul
Unable to understand the whole
Torturous cycle never ending
Thousand fire burnt heart black as coal
Light my apathetic soul defeating
Peace, that […]
May 5 2012 Day 1
Today I had an idea. It is a good idea I think. From this day I will stay sober! There is this really disgusting habit(addiction) I have and I do believe it influenced my life in a way I never imagined. I know I can’t get the girl I love, even if I stay sober now for ever, but I can help myself a lot. I hope my emotional roller coaster will stop. It is not a serious problem, nothing life threating, but my addiction is bad for me. Very bad. I am feeling so sick every time after I lived […]
I found a dead bird in my front yard the other day.
Normally, I wouldn’t be so caught up on this one animal because to be honest I really don’t like birds (long story) but this particular bird was different.
It started with my cousin’s apparent death that is encroaching more and more rapidly with each day.
My cousin, Zachariah, has been my paralyazed from the neck down since he was seventeen in a motocross accident. At first he was still the same cousin I loved, still able to move around in his electric wheel chair which he would always give me rides on whenever I wanted. He […]
i don’t know where to start. i’m 22 and to keep it perfectly honest i’m a beautiful, intelligent, upper class, white female. nobody thinks i have any problems… and if i do, they’re miniscule. it’s a lie. i’m living a lie. every cry for help that i make isn’t taken seriously because people can’t seem to fathom that someone who is so blessed could be so absolutely and incessantly depressed. i have been through every anti-depressant/bipolar medication, talked to countless psychiatrists/therapists/psychologists for the last 7 years… you name it, i’ve probably done it in hopes of pulling myself out of this never-ending rabbit hole that […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]
Em, to be quite frank I could give a toss about existing as a science form of a “human being”, who, at this point, feels as though I cannot connect to society on any sort of level that is going to be productive for myself, my future, interactions with others or work any harder than I have for financial security for when I am at an age whereas I cannot look after myself anymore. Personally, I find the world around us has screwed anyone that gives a sh*t about a decent life, it is obviously a mental f*ck of whereas I have no energy to […]
No need for a name, therefore, my name will me Anonymous. I’m a 17 year old female who tries to hide away most of her emotion. I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, mild OCD, insomnia, and possible BPD. My life is a nightmare most days. After my initial hospitalization, i started treatment, and for the most part it helped a lot. But lately, I’ve loss interest in school, isolated myself a lot, and am becoming increasingly more impulsive (I went out one day and just got a tattoo, on my wrist. So much for ever being a professional.) I have attempted suicide 5 times […]
The birds must think we’re all a bunch of idiots. We have this wonderful little planet all to ourselves, and we’ve divided it into little sections. We build walls and fences, and we draw lines in the sand. We build little cages around ourselves. We use all of our energy trying to keep Them out, and trying to keep Us in. It’s a waste of time. We waste much of our time trying to make temporal things eternal. We try to fight our own mortality by constructing things that we hope will last forever. But after we die, our creations turn to dust. Birds know […]
Now as I lie here asleep
I pray that not a tear you weep
For pain no longer burdens me
I know it’s hard to understand
How life can deal such a cruel hand
But so you know it’s no one’s fault
this was my own plan
So here I lie
Peaceful at last
I’m sorry that I just couldn’t last
This fight was too much for me to bare
So please don’t shed not a tear
For here I am at peace
Finally a restful sleep
Please don’t cry for me
For now I feel no pain
As I lie here and wait
For the service to begin
Please don’t shed a tear
For you never really did
I’m at peace now
You torment me no more
Don’t pretend to care
Now that I lie here dead
You didn’t when I was alive
I sure don’t need you now
For the first time in my life
The restful peace I find
No longer haunted by the dreams
Of dying every night