i have been thinking,i know im to smart for my own good,i woulda never survived through the shit i did if i didnt know how to save my self from dieing of in my case anything,my life is shit,i live hours away from anyone im related to , and they are the shittiest people, the ones that abused me, starved me treated me inhumane till i was 17 wen i was finally taking away perminetly,still haveing attatchment issues and trust issues,vulnerable and always ran into someone that would say they care but hurt me and brake every promis possible,untill i realized, i dont have a […]
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People
when people ask me how i am i don’t respond, becuz i can’t anymore.. i don’t know whats happening tho i feel I’m getting worse… ugh.. I’m in so much pain and i don’t know what to do anymore… i can’t even try to explain it to ppl anymore… its like I’m giving up.. but I’m still scared… i cry more uncontrollably.. i get mad at people more.. i piss people off more… and my friends seems like they’re leaving a bit…. or just getting more distant… I’m so F*CKING lost….. and scared and alone….
-RawrImaTurtle….
I’m not going to share my whole life story because I think the problems that I had or have are minor to what everyone else goes through. This fact actually makes me feel more depressed. I feel horrible for even thinking that I’m horrible and shouldn’t be alive. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m better than anyone. In fact I hate myself. A lot.
To begin my story this is how people see me: I am to most people an always cheerful person. But that is how I get by. I try not to care and live with a smile. It worked until a […]
I am fucked. It s not that I realized that just now but maybe at this moment i am completely aware of my state. i am partly proud because i am not trying to kill myself at least not today. it kind of hurts when you can’t change the fact that you don’t have anyone around you except your parents which are currently not here. i know this sounds pathetic but i really wish i have somebody who loves me for me, somebody who would hug me without me asking for it. i am at a really bad state now and i would like to […]
its wierd how even though you may not always remember something, your mind never forgets what happened for the rest of your life,i know thats why i wake up at the same time every morning, wen i even can sleep,people tell you to move on and forget about what happened,ok, just let me slam my head against the cement and get amnesia,if its that bad that i can forget time to time but my mind alawys remembers, and noone ever tried to help me through the trama,then those people can eat shit and die,i was woken up around the same time in the morning every […]
She walked forward.. things rushing through her head.
shes one out of 7 billion people….
her long hair swiveling as she moves..
no face is seeen… only her back.. she keeps walking..
they call her name.. so she starts speed walking..
they call her again and she starts running..
she screams…. as she holds the knife…
she turnss her head….
full of tears and bloood.
full black eyes… pale with trembling lips..
and then EVERYTHING BLACKS OUT..
is she dead? maybe… is she in  a mental hospital probably..
No matter how hard I try, and how many things I try to be good at…. it just all falls apart. All I ever feel is overwhelmed. I don’t think I do THAT much compared to most people, but I still can’t keep up. I am a wife, a full time employee, a part time student, a leader at my church and am running a photography business on the side. Lets not forget social life and family. Yet, I am not good at keeping up with ONE of these things. Even IF it’s a lot going on, I should at least be excelling in ONE…JUST […]
Finding It Hard To Find A Reason To Live. I Want So Badly To End The Way I’m Feeling Right Now. I’m So Invisible Everywhere I Go. I Don’t Have Any Friends Around Here. I Just Wish Someone Somewhere Would Listen To Me & Tell Me Everything Will Be Okay & I’m Worth It :/
People say it gets easier. But it hasn’t yet. My first year in highschool has been ruined becuz of my depression. There’s only 2 months left (about) and I feel I’m getting worse. I’m in more emotional pain. My friends don’t really care. They act like I’m fine but IM NOT FINE! I’m hurting… :/ and it sucks. I don’t know if I’ll get better. I hope I do. Cuz I realized I don’t wanna die anymore…. I just want to run away, from everything… I’m pathetic
-RawrImaTurtle..
i don’t know where to start. i’m 22 and to keep it perfectly honest i’m a beautiful, intelligent, upper class, white female. nobody thinks i have any problems… and if i do, they’re miniscule. it’s a lie. i’m living a lie. every cry for help that i make isn’t taken seriously because people can’t seem to fathom that someone who is so blessed could be so absolutely and incessantly depressed. i have been through every anti-depressant/bipolar medication, talked to countless psychiatrists/therapists/psychologists for the last 7 years… you name it, i’ve probably done it in hopes of pulling myself out of this never-ending rabbit hole that […]
I wanna save people. But I don’t always know how or what to say. I honestly cry when I was writing this. I wanna save you so bad. But I am scared that I can’t. I don’t think I can save everyone. That terrifies me. Why can’t I save everyone. Why does anyone have to die. I realised that I can’t save everyone. It breaks my heart.
Xoxo
Sunshine
I have this friend, he’s awesome. And sometimes I actually let him in, emotionally. I don’t do that to anybody. I hide my feelings fairly well unless instigated. He’s getting fed up with my lack of concern towards myself. I wish I could just be like, “I’m really just venting, let me freak out. It’s fine, I’m not going to cut up.”. But alas here I am, getting all guilted up because I can’t change who I am. I’m completely worthless. Don’t try to tell me I’m not, I know the truth. I can’t literally remember a moment that didn’t end in guilt or shame. […]
If you saw the video on youtube, that’s what inspired me. Look it up. Maybe it will inspire you too.
Stay that way
Today, I woke up
feeling an utter change
I wanted to live yesterday
I want to die today
Who can I tell
no one is here
I’m close to the end
yet, I still have no fear
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to stay
I wish i was dead
and far far away
There are others like me
I’m not alone
to bury their names
engrave them in stone
But the ones that are not
just don’t understand
I try to get help
but nobody […]
,i only give people what they ask for,,but then you see these cold ass bitches roming this planet that are rude and mean toeveryone. people they never saw before, mean nomatter what,, they just walk past a random person and have to say the meanest shit possible,why?what is the point of being a ***** all the time? every second of every day??and some people iv met,i dont know what could make them such a mean cruel *****,iv been through pure hell,and atleast i dont try to ruine a random strangers day,, society is fucked up, and how are you sapost to think or look at […]
What will it take to show you that it’s not the life it seems (I’m not O.K)….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I told him, about my thoughts. Naturally he didn’t want me to do it. He just surprised me with his kindness.
So… Anyway. Life is shit. Only 21 days now? sweet, I can’t fucking wait. I’m sick of this life and this family and all of the arguements. My brother is a selfish prick, my sister is a *****, My mum just fucks me off all the time… And my dad. Bless him, trying to help but really, he was just making things worse. He shouldn’t blame himself though. I have found out how to cause bruises! 😀 which is amazing as they are easy to […]
it’s my birthday this friday, 26 I think. I’m 99% sure 26 but I don’t want to shatter the veil of ignorance I’m under by calculating it or trying to remember how old I’ll be. I remember rhyming about being 25 some time ago but that could have been 2 years ago.
Anyway, I’m moving today or tomorrow. My odyssey in my mothers jungle of an apartment is over, hopefully. I thought it was over once before but their were rats in the ceiling of the new place. I’ve gotta be sure to do another check at this current place I want, but it seems […]
Some people on here post that they are ashamed to be complaining because they have a relatively comfortable life outside the specific troubles they are dealing with. There is no reason to be ashamed because you happened to be born in a developed country to people who can give you a decent lifestyle as far as food, clothing, and shelter. That is the fortune of your birth and you had nothing to do with it.
Sure you can help people who you consider less fortunate.  Still it does not help your mental state for you to add guilt or sadness to your already existing pain. Nothing […]
I don’t know anymore what I want to do, what I want do be, how to be good. I’m 20, close to 21 and I am just so full of problems. Social inadept, habitual liar (to others and myself), a huge range of food allergies, a bad a student that failing all his classes, and top it all of a plain retarded asshat with problems with his sexuality. I really fucking hate myself these days, for one I’m failing all my classes and I can’t myself to anything about it, when I sit down to do the work my mind goes blank and I can’t […]
i dont feel like i belong anywhere in this society. im struggling with my art and life… i practically dont even have a love life… when im with my friends i feel left out like a lost my connections with them like im in a different world… i already know im not apart of my family… im what you would call the black sheep in the heard… my dad despises me because im nothing like him…. just today we got into a fight because i said i was not commuting all the way to wounderland andi told him.. well more like reminded him im alergic […]
i feel used by my friends its like they would only call me when they need me… but not once have they ever took the time out of there worlds to ever say whats wrong or to even notice that im in pain inside…. they just think im being just my regular self, but if only they knew what twisted chaos that goes inside my head… i know for a fact they could leave me… everyone leaves me… so y should i bother to stay in the unloved world when im being used by the people who i should trust… if only i had my […]