I’ve been thinking seriously about suicide for the past three months… seriously being, thinking of ways to kill myself, with finality, I’ve been considering suicide for the past… two years? Nothing has really changed, but there seems to be a general discontent with my being alive, from my family. I’ve attempted suicide, several times… I took a key from my key ring, and sawed through my wrist, for over an hour… in several spots… this was my first real attempt, and the pain pretty much set me off… for two years, this attempt, is when I started looking at suicide as an answer… as salvation. […]
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pretty
So, my name is Megan, and this is my first post here.
I’m sixteen and have been self harming on and off for the past three years, and I tried to kill myself three years ago. My best friend and my sister’s friend are the only people that know about my suicide attempt.
When I was thirteen, I self harmed for the first time. I remember it quite distinctly, because it was the start of a long, dark road. It was barely a scratch the first time. I used a pair of compasses that I found in my school bag, and I cried immediately after […]
Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.
There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because […]
Amongst other things my doc has fed me a steady diet of benzos. Not sure if it helps or hurts. It helps with anxiety maybe makes depression worse. They are pretty safe but im sure they are harmful. Sometimes i stare at the bottle and wonder… so peaceful so obtainable so tempting…
Hello all i beleive by the time you read this it will be to late so im just writing this for my family and ill leave it up so they can see. Ive finally reached the edge ive been battling depression and suividde since i was 13/14 years old and attempted it for the first time when i was 13 but i was not able to go through with it im 21 now i have streaches of good and bad but this year has really been it for me i recently moved back to my small hometown about 2 yrs ago after being away for […]
Oh lord where do I even begin? I am new to all this and it’s frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. I have so many mixed emotions I’m not sure to look up or down. I guess I’ll start off by introducing myself I’ll go by Cam..to keep things simple. I am 27 years old, Married with 2 beautiful children. I have been married for 6 years this October. I feel as if my life is fading away in front of me. On the outside you would think I’m happy, outgoing, funny, beautiful person but on the inside I feel a very dark void […]
I’m 34. Female. Just a few years ago my brother punched me in the temple. He said, “You were raped. That was a long time ago. Get over it.”
I was raped (the one he knows about in college). I’ve been raped a few times since then. I’ve had multiple suicide attempts. I spent three days in the ICU this last time. Failed again, and then my brother has the gall to say that to me and hit me.
The conversation started when I invited him to do a mud run with my husband. He said, “I hate your fucking guts.”
Interesting. I never knew all these years […]
It’s getting awful lonely around the ‘bastard’s gentlemen club’
Shambles absolute shambles
It’s a pretty grim dawn.
So, go ahead pull the trigger, light the fuse.
Open the door, step on through.
It’s weird isn’t it?
That instant effect? That blaring distorting?
Zero apologies, no note, no comparative grievances.
This is a French exit of parallel thoughts.
Let’s go back to those hideous wilds with smiles on our faces.
Let’s get stranger again.
How about one last nasty scare before bed time?
One last gasp, one more really good cry.
I think I fucked up everything. I was a fuck up socially in school. Barely had anyone to talk to. That wasn’t very fun. I used to never leave the house. I was just a sad piece of shit. That all kinda changed this year. Met some people, started going to concerts. Actually had a job for over a year. My life was getting so good. Then I met this girl. She was amazing. Everything about her was perfect. Even her imperfections I ended up loving. The way she let her messy hair go. The way she never wore makeup because she didn’t give a […]
This is a long story, so bear with me.
From the beginning: I’m a female, live in a pretty rural setting, was 20 years old when things got really bad. I’ve experienced complex trauma and was pretty angry, violent, self-destructive, depressed etc. all through childhood and adolescence. I moved to a new town in my late teens, got a job at a local social services agency, and moved into an apartment, which after about 9 months my partner moved into also. Mid December — right before finals week at college, actually — my partner and I ended things and she moved out. We had been together the […]
Anyone else noticing all of the newer people with amazing taste in music? 40 days. ICantDrownMyDemons. Sickfromthemelt. Yeah. You guys are fucking awesome. Just putting that out there.
It’s been a rough night. My anxieties are getting the best of me again and I’m not sure how to handle it. Work sucked. But Friday nights always do. I don’t know what’s eating me today. Will someone please buy me food and tell me I’m pretty? >_<
So I managed to stay the whole day at school today, which made it a promising day. What was bad was what came after it.
I don’t know if it’s just me causing all of these problems in my relationship or if it’s naturally strenuous because of how me and my boyfriend are. Regardless, I got pretty upset today. To cut a very long, ongoin story/conversation short; I don’t believe he is making enough effort in our relationship. We never do anything, and all I’ve asked him is that one night when the majority of people aren’t there if we just take a walk down to […]
Hello everyone. I have been depressed for some time now. I’ve been to the hospital for it and stayed for about a week. I am married and my wife knows of my depression. while in the hospital they said that I have a general mood disorder and bi polar tendencies. With the mood disorder my mood can change in an instant. It can be triggered just by someone getting snippy with me or giving me attitude and I can help it.
The marriage overall has been good. But as of late there is a lot of stress and both of us are depressed. About a week […]
I’m 31 years old, no kids, been engaged twice which failed. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, and the last girl I dated decided she rather go back to being a lesbian. So usually I just hide behind Apathy and drugs. I only have a high school education, because I lack effort to do anything more. I’ve always been more of a workhorse.
Anyway…
It’s pretty awesome starting off your week after Memorial Day by losing your car. Apparently the car place felt as if they couldn’t wait till this Friday to let me make a payment, and didn’t tell me they would wait.. so they towed […]
Hey .. I have spent a long time on this site and its pretty cool .. a lot of warm, nice people that care for each other even though we have never seen each other in real life.. It’s really nice to see that.. I am pretty good to make people feel better but I have my downfalls too.. but here is my story: it may not be as bad as some out here but its to much for me to deal with.. : I feel alone. I look around always and I see groups of friends laughing having fun enjoying themselves or […]
Is fucking hell. I am so tired of it. The older I get, the harder it becomes to live in such an awful way. I will never be the person I am supposed to be, I will never be pretty, I will never be truly a happy person. Why even bother living?
Gah, I wish I wasn’t so scared of ending my life.
I’m pretty sure I listen to it at least 5 times a day. A while ago I could say whatever I wanted to say, now I can’t find the words for anything. This song though, the lyrics describe my current state better than I can. And now I’m going to stop typing before this turns into a rant.
You know that old saying “don’t surround yourself with shitty people”
I feel bad for being in someone else’s company. I feel sorry for them as they have to put up with my presence. I don’t say much, but then try to make up for it and say too much. I go on about shit and cringe in my mind, asking myself “why the fuck did you just say that just shut the fuck up”
But then I hate being left alone with my own mind. Shits pretty scary and fucked up in there.
The truth is, I don’t want to surround people with myself, because I’m a really shitty […]
So I went to see my counselor today and it seemed like the biggest waste of time. I’ve always suspected this is her first job out of college. I thought I organized my thoughts pretty good with her, but she really had no insight to offer me. I’m not really ready to say she’s not a good fit because last time I saw her I thought things went pretty well. Anyone who’s been following my story knows I’m going through a divorce. I shared with the counselor that I was bewildered by my soon to be ex’s new found niceness and and she really had nothing to […]
I don’t know. I’m really different. I have a lot of problems with myself. I always have to battle my inner self. I mean that’s something I always have to deal with. I always have to fight it.
My emotions play a big role in my life. In a way they pretty much control everything I do or say. Like if I’m placed in a sad situation my pity and my own problems affect what I do or say. I cry or I feel my “hole” opening.
My “hole” is literally a really dark hole I feel right between my throat and my chest that opens up […]