hello my name is stan,im a 18 yearold highschool student, the thing that ment the most to me in my life was taken away monday , my gf or i guess you could say ex gf (whos name will not be said) she was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver in the rain at around 10 pm we were dateing since 5th grade we were both seniors. she was the love of my life we were engaged i was gonna marry this amazing beautiful women she helped me with everything she made me who i am today when ever i was doing […]
Tag:
Rain
Oh , night you beautiful ,
when darkness is growing
over the Carpathians.
Eternal melody that awake
memories from past and dreams.
This is my deastiny – darkness eternal
Cold night embrace me in her beauty ,
when freezing mist drift
over Transylvanian woods
that my body loses all senses.
Rain into the darkness falls like blood
from the sky on the cemetery where drain.
Eternity , ilusions and dreams –
recognize salvation.
Is light of life thet dying in me.
Is ice of sorrow the crystal in my eyes.
Fate of death and salvation tonight
I hear sing.
The round colorful combination is deadly
Tomorrow this will all be through.
Finally an end to my torment
They’d understand if only they knew
Raising the glass and I open my hand…
The thoughts of loved flash through my head
I drop the pills to the floor
It’d kill tomorrow if today I was dead.
Upstairs working on the computer
An electric shock as I look at the plug
The reaction is deadly assisted with water
rising my little brother  tackles me with a hug.
I sit back down grimace him a smile.
I can’t kill myself infront of my brother
He’d be dissappointed if he knew this is all he had for a sister
I could not bear his […]
I got out of bed earlier, made and poured myself a hot cup of tea.
As I stirred my tea gently and slowly, my mind began to percieve it as a pattern..sort of a beat.
Swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..
Words began to play like a song in my head..in a really soft high-pitched voice
Sharp knives and blood
Like sugar and tea
Sweetly come together to comfort me
End the suffering now
turn out the lights
Death is not so bad
Take your life
Take your life
Take your life
Take your worthless life
This was replayed twice until I was jolted out of the lullaby by the sound my phone […]
I’ve battled with depression over several years; I’ve tried different meds to help out, but with varying success. They can keep me up to a certain level, but once life hits, there’s no staying afloat.
There’s been so much turmoil in my life; business going bust, marriage on the verge of breaking, custody and visitation battles, verbal fights with stepkids, friends leaving me, money running out, vehicles break beyond repair or being stolen, workplace f**ked up..
I’m at the point where I just don’t see what my purpose of being here is – people and situations just constantly push back or throw spanners in the […]
i just signed up on this website and im happy to have found it, i just wanna know how to feel better about myself, and talk to people that wont make fun of me, i know my problem’s arent as bad as most but they build up inside and it’s gets to where i wanna cry….but i cant i dont want my family to know about my saddness or know how alone i feel. i just feel so un-welcomed to this earth, im only 17 i know i pronly dont have room to talk but…its ture, they say love will come but does it? they […]
Ever since I was born life has never been easy for me.  My mother suffers from a mental Illness, my father was abusive and my uncles where thieves and drug dealers. I can’t remember back to when I was young, but I still have a few very vivid memories. When I was two one of my brothers and one of my sisters passed away. When I was three my mother and father split up.  My sister and 2 brothers and I got put into foster care only a year later. We moved on to abusive carers who beat us and punished us harshly. I remember being […]
Written to a dear friend, who helped me live the sweetest lie. I’ve often contemplated suicide and have attempted and, as you can obviously tell, failed to actually kill myself. My dearest friend, Matthew, who’s name has been changed due to privacy issues, and I dated for a year. This is my last letter to him, sent to him only a few days before his death. He was found in his garage with the engine running not long after his death, and soon I hope to join him.
I’m tired of this life, tell me a lie.
Do me a favor; tell me I’ll be missed if I […]
Nothing’s the matter,
I swear I’m alright..
This pain’s just a phase
Like drinking and cutting,
Feeling absolutely nothing..
Like a storm, the winds will pass
And the rain will turn to shine
And life will seem worth living
Days will be more enduring
You said everything would be alright
I’ve screamed before
A splendid tantrum fitting of my age
And I did everything to tell you
Of the demons that I face
But you just looked so confused
And said they’d go away..
And I was dragged from the house
Shouting into the night
You just wouldn’t stop crying
Till I told you I was […]
I think this is it. A lot of beer in me. I’m ready. I’m not afraid. I’m only afraid of my future which would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with it. Texted a bunch of friends, it’s 3 am, why the fuck would they be texting me back? I had a great plan, a great plan full of what ifs. What if I found a job, what if I was happy, what if things would change the moment I moved 600 miles away. No, location doesnt change a thing. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m going to the park. […]
Breath fogging
the air is so cold and crisp
my red jacket
laces are wet from the dew
the brown leaves dancing
sneakers kicking
splashing the puddles
the slightest scent of the so dark asphalt
my backpack thrown so high
just missing the branches
sky slate gray
rain falling
drips from my hair just before my eyes
she is watching
under her yellow umbrella
she smiles
a walk is a journey
the moment lives as long as I
the child I was
haunting me
I know that i’m not the only one in the world that is lonely…especially on this site. I know that there are other problems that are more serious than lonliness and depression, but i just want to encourage the lonely souls out there cause lonliness is what i relate to the most. I want to let you know that you aren’t all completely alone. I dont know…things will get better. I promise. Dont think youre the only one staring at those pills or reaching for something that cuts. Today was a good day for me..a great day..and…idk I guess what i’m trying to say is that if […]
I love the rain…
because it soothes my skin
it cleans my slate
it cleans within
my love and hate
because it cleanses my youth
and brings me life
it tells the truth
and renews my strive
but… most of all
it hides my fears
and helps me stand tall
and hides my tears
Empty streets, forsaken buildings,
Numbing sleet, deficient shielding,
Foundations crumble,
Hollow grounds rumble,
Lonely and lost,
Pale, cold and humble,
A dull pain in his mind,
While his absent hands fumble.
Sitting alone in the midst of a broken city,
He deserves some care, some love and pity,
A fallacy – his sorry image might delude,
When observing this twisted being in solitude.
The failing architecture that surrounds him,
Tall and formerly grand,
Built with the ingenuity,
Of warmer hands.
Drops of sorrow fall on shattered road,
Unrestrained anguish, where rain once flowed.
The cooling liquid,
That runs from […]
Tick tock
Says the clock
It seals your doom
While you lay in your room
Will you die
With a blade at your side
You watched the blood run down
Your wrist sliced, but you don’t frown
Realse is what you feel
Paradise at your heel
Earth was hell
But now you hear the bell
The ringing, singing
In the high heavens
You have escapes the heathens
yes you know
the ones who put on a show
they caused you pain
And while your eyes rain
There was no one
Not one soul out of a ton
You killed yourself happy
Free because earth is […]
Wamth of the sun beaming down to encourage growth and strength.
Cool breeze of the wind curls and carouses around the body cooling the soul.
Rain bursts from the cloud cover and washes the grit away.
Grass as green as a novice carpeting the ground and tickling the toes.
Trees tall and majestic reaching up and out to shade and protect.
Bushes sitting quietly awaiting the pruning shears of the endaring gardener.
Stones of all kinds absorb and hold the heat of the sun being children of mother earth.
Sky as blue and mesmerizing as the eyes of an Alaskan Husky staring at you in friendship.
All living things energetic and frolicking in […]
I try so hard..
But it’s never enough.
Nothing is ever enough. Not for him, not for her, for them, for me..
With each day that passes I feel like I am slipping away more and more. I just want to be happy.
You know it’s funny, I once got a fortune cookie and it told me
“If you want the rainbow, you must tolerate the rain.”
But now I can’t help but wonder. How long will it keep raining, you know?
1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7 gone.
Suicides, murders, overdose, AIDS.
It’s not fair, why them?
Then dad was never […]
Does such a thing exist?
I heave a sigh, looking out of the panes of my window. It’s raining today. It doesn’t usually rain here in Southern California but I like the change of pace. It reminds me of the song “I’m only happy when it rains….”
Each drop tears down my cheek. Why do I bother. Why do I create this sense of hope? Why does it tag me along so painfully. I’m just going to be thrown in the mud again.
I hate the word why. I say it too frequently. I never get an answer.
I see her. In my mind, its sunny, ooh and its […]
If you’re wondering what its like to lose your first and only love, your everything, the more than other half of your heart, well this is what its like:
(Sorry, they’re no words for this)
Not only did I lose him.
But I saw him, loving another girl, a perfect girl, a girl ten, no a hundred time prettier than me. I wasn’t with him, I haven’t seen him in months.
But what I did see were the “I love yous” on facebook.
I know. Fucking facebook.
I died. Since then, I have died.
You have no idea how it feels. To watch someone you love, with every fiber in […]
Dear Josh,
I miss you. I cant believe we’ve gone this long without talking and you live around the corner from me and we both go to the same college. Why did things have to end up so badly? We were supposed to grow up and go to college together and live together remember? You were my best friend for three years when you lived across the street from me. You couldnt say Rain without Josh and you couldnt say Josh without Rain. Always came to my boxing matches..even watched me spar. Went to highschool together. You were even my first kiss… You told me […]