Soon almost 5 years ago, when i was 16, I “ran away” from a youth and child psych ward. I wasnt even there because of an placement order or something like that. Although something like that threatened to happen back then but it didnt. I was in such psych wards constantly. Sometimes the Police escorted me, sometimes people i used to meet and do drugs with, sometimes my progenitor.
I didnt like being there and when having a 15 minutes’ leave to smoke a cigarette i just decided to not come back stay longer then im allowed to talk to people about my age also […]
This is my first post here, so hello. You can call me Grimhild. I’m in my early 20s. This is going to be a bit rambly. I’m very tired because I haven’t slept.
In short, I feel very useless.
I’m trying to get a physical disability diagnosed. I was supposed to sleep so I could get my blood test done, but every time I’m going to get a blood test done I cant sleep until the sun is up, then I pass out and sleep
you lied.
you lied you lied you lied you lied you LIED.
liar liar liar liar liar LIAR
YOU WERE AND CONTINUE TO BE THE SOURCE OF MY PAIN, I FEEL SO ALONE WITHOUT YOU AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT. YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.
FUCK YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I WISH I NEVER […]
Forewarning: this post may contain triggers for victims of sexual assault, drug addiction, homelessness, domestic violence, self harm.
Resilience has always been my ally. I first posted to this forum for help when I was 12. To be completely honest , I’m a little surprised to be writing this right now.
Unfortunately, although my resilience got me this far (I’m to turn 23 on January, the 5th), I’m struggling to see beyond the current moment, unless I want to feed the intrusive thoughts and disgust that I feel. I can’t fake positivity and I don’t have the energy to pursue real happiness. I feel like some sick […]
me ranting about stupid shit…
Ever since I was a child I’ve been an overthinker on the stupidest shit. Even now I can’t have one argument with a friend, or something without thinking about it the whole day and it being stuck in the back of my mind. It effects my day to day life because it progressively gets worse throughout my life. I can’t even take a simple compliment without thinking if they really meant it or not. Now I have horrible insecurities about my body and personality. Moving on, I’m currently almost failing three of my classes and as a previous honor roll student […]
Hi, I’m sorry for this. I’m really sorry. This seems like the best way to get it out thought. I’ve realized it time and time again.
I’m going to die. Life has no meaning. There is no purpose of conscious existence. I rather wish we lived in a world were they could be no existentialism, but obviously not. There is, a simple way out however. So simple. And it would be worth it. It really would.
I have a plan. I’ve been thinking about it for the longest time. Please, please, in the comments, this is a heavy rant, and I know you’ll want to […]
Every single day, a thought of me committing suicide or me simply not being here.. crosses my mind.
I want to obtain happiness within, but the darkness/sadness wins every time. It’s hard to walk up a very steep hill with 20tons on your back.
My thoughts are always with me, I cannot escape them.
my thoughts hurt me. actions hurt me. everything hurts.
Feeling like I’m going insane.
Everyone’s delusional.
And I gotta play this game.
Alone and nobody gives a damn.
She said she’s my best friend but what?
Nobody hits up my phone up.
Everybody say they have depression and they’re all alone but it’s all just a facade. Like it’s trendy now to wear it as a badge of honor. When in fact you’re charged guilty pleading your honor.
Fk why I gotta bottle
Everything up inside
Gambling with my life like a lotto.
It’s past midnight.
Gotta sleep.
Dreams of waking up to a better life, resting in peace.
Sigh… I hate my mom…
I can’t really show pics for proof so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it, and I guess it’s up to you if I reacted wrong and if my mom sucks or not, but yeah, I’ll try to find enough time to post on this on a work day, I hate waiting to type out something important…
Also, no offense, but… I think Primal One posted like 15 posts in a row and buried some otherd including mine so I’m not sure if people saw them but whatever…
Here we go. :p
Me
“I want a girlfriend. 🙁 It feels weird saying […]
I’m so tired of my freaking job… Sigh…
It’s just so demanding…
I work at Goodwill and here everything is already used and donated so everything is priced by stickers that can easily come off. o.o Then it has to be updated weekly as much as possible while old stuff comes off…
It’s hard to explain, but this can be really hard and exhausting…
For me at least, it’s a one man job too and I often even run out of stuff! Then like, I had to take a week off to spend time with my family and it was nice to get away from everything… but then of […]
So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.
My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.
My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.
I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.
I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.
Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this […]
I went tonight to the memorial of SS Oria.(I’ll attach photos at the end of this post,just to get an idea how the location is like)The SS Oria was (I’m copy-pasting from wikipedia) ” a Norwegian steamboat that sank on 12 February 1944, causing the death of some 4,000 Italian prisoners of war. This was one of the worst maritime disasters ever, and probably the worst loss of life caused by the sinking of a single ship in the Mediterranean Sea.”
I’ve been to this location 4-5 times.I don’t know why I go there.Maybe the loss of so many lives for no reason, draws me there.Maybe because […]
I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.
I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I […]
So i finally turned 18 and suffered through months of studying, getting a job and then bam, failure. I pass everything but Math on my GED test. I take it AGAIN and fail. This is the last time. Can we talk about how god just hates me or something? I have to do everytning myself without the freedom. And its not even just about that. I have a tutor, im makong progress but it still isnt about that.
Its how my parents took the money i was saving for a car. My first car. The car i’d use to go to work and fucking wednesday night […]
If we are going to continue to have a society in which 1. teens think they have no other option but to off themselves, and 2. we need to neglect the poor further because people like the Trumps and Waltons need a few hundred million more, well, the second coming can’t come soon enough for this miserable fucking planet.
i am finally home. then when i was finally able to see my girlfriend again all i could do was cry i felt like i couldn’t even move. i would want to but when i did its like i got smacked down saying no, you don’t deserve to move. then before i even notice she’s gone and it fells like i didn’t even get to talk or be with her. when i get stuck i hate myself for it. I’m screaming just stop, just get up. but knowing how stupid it is only makes me hate so much more. i understand now. screaming from the […]
“This must be what death feels like”.
My body felt so cold and numb. My skin was dry, and my intake of air was obviously obstructed. I sat by the window of my dorm room on a Friday night, similar to many others, with a bundle of my twine twisting between my fingers.
I usually try to convince myself of ending my life on Friday or Saturday because it’s ideal for my roommates to be gone while I try to liberate myself from this absurdity. I have participated in suicidal gestures – even if they would be unbeknownst to anyone else. A full attempt usually is rather […]
heads up everyone, i ramble. i feel nothing and at the same time i have so many thoughts that i cant think, so this is basically emotional throw-up. read it. or dont. im mostly just putting my thoughts down so that i can understand them better myself.
i was angry and sad today, as i often am, and stumbled across this site. whoever started it, kudos to you, because its nice to talk to people who understand, rather than broken records saying ‘dont be depressed, be happy’. lovely, i will just do that then. oh wait, i dont know how. its not a simple thing, though it seems like […]
ive been suffering from rapid cycling bipolar my brains so messed up from my dr trying different antidepressants 6 in 5 weeks is it any wonder I feel suicidal at times I’m just burnt out on huge dose of antipsychotics so I don’t loose the plot I’ve isolated myself from friends and family I’ll get through I’m really trying
They say that Depression is like this black hole that sucks at your soul, The things you love start to lose there color. Your Dreams cease to lose there luster. So Naturally when you are less then thrilled with existing in this dismal shit hole of an existence that our parents with not so much as a sideways glance thought about, the “Professionals” have a simple answer for this. To Medicate. To dull our minds so that in short, while it doesn’t really fix the Depression, it just makes us give less of a fuck about why we want to throw ourselves headfirst into the […]
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