I feel like theres no reason to live. I’m not moving forward, I’m unemployed, Im not interested in anything. I don’t want to do drugs again but I feel thats the only thing that helps me sleep, and forget all of last year. It blends time together, I have no real skills, my only friends get high and I just move nowhere. I tried talking to that girl. I know I shouldnt have, I guess you could say that I’m weak. Pathetic as she would say. She humors me, but just to get her point through. I don’t want to date, but I do. But […]
Tag:
real
So you think that, that’s it. I can’t handle anymore. My life is fucked up. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die right now. And then you will try to make an attempt, in which you will obviously fail (99.99 % times) and some of you will even fail into making an attempt. You are in pain now but still alive. Now you will try to recover.
But then again something bad (this bad could be anything, some event in real life or just your real imaginary pain in your beautiful mind) will happen. And you will think that’s it. It’s enough. I […]
I spend so much time daydreaming it’s like I live another life inside my head. I have daydreamed for as long as I can remember, all through primary school and I’m now in High school (15 years old). It has never bothered me that much in the past, I mean it would keep me from missing a lot in class but I never thought it was really that bad – until now. Now I just feel like I have another life inside my head, at first it didn’t cross my mind but now it’s stuffing up my head. I want it all to stop, I […]
Why?? Well it’s simply a douche-y thing to do. Don’t get me wrong carrying a pocket knife can be a very useful tool, let me clarify, I am specifically referring to a combat knife of some sort. Playing with a knife, sure it’s something to do with your hands, and you can get lost in it for a moment, but I find that people who collect, play, and display their knife sets to be a particular type of douche. I know, I know, it’s what makes a person happy that’s important, and seriously I am all for that, but I have a difficult time understanding […]
I’m actually feeling good about my job interview tomorrow . I have one at top golf . It just opened in my city . And it’s a group interview . You play games with people and have fun so it’s not even like a real interview .
I just get nervous . I feel like if I get this job then I will feel like I have something to do . It will take my mind off things .
So wish me luck tomorow … It’s gonna be a nerve wrecking day . I also have to present my research paper in class .. That’s […]
Quite surprisingly, I have survived my suicide attempts 12 times over the last seven years. Though this is not necessarily something to be boastful about, I believe that things happen for a reason; even if the premise behind my repetitive failures is unbeknownst at this particular time.
I am eighteen years old, and this dark phase of my life began seven years ago subsequent to the loss of a an individual who I considered to be more of a mother to me than that assigned to me biologically. Subsequently, I lost the only real paternal figure I had two years ago. Between these two losses, […]
nostalgic tonight.
I learned how to manipulate my own emotions when I was really young, and to comfort myself I deliberately attached importance to an object or a person. Convinced myself that each time I saw that thing I would be comforted. It works for me, especially if the object is a trustworthy person who will understand if I get too clingy.
There’s relief when I’m with him, real, intense relief. But in his absence I feel restless, sad. I miss having friends to lean on. I think I’ve driven them all away.
I hate myself so much, i’m a bad person and I get bored of everything so easily which I’m sick of. I don’t like being around my family, or most adults because they look down on my, ignore me and they get so overwhelmed with just little things.
I was going to wait three more years so I could leave everything, but to be honest I don’t think I will be able to wait that long. I have been depressed for a long time and there is not way it’s getting better. I don’t really know what to do. I think I will cut myself when […]
The curtain rises once again as the group enters the inside of a spaceship.
HDS: Killer clown, zombies, now, it’s a spaceship… I’m sensing a theme here.
Suddenly, robotic claws and aliens reveal themselves from the shadows.
Nicole: Those guns the aliens are holding look weird… They look like cucumbers attached to a toy gun.
Zetsumei: If the flyer I read was accurate, I don’t suggest anyone get caught. At that, Zetsumei takes out several switchblade knives he stole from the graveyard area.
Zetsumei claps his hands once before getting into a running position then says, “Ready…Set…Go!” Zetsumei and the others start running through the aliens and claws. Zetsumei avoids […]
I’m sorry I haven’t been here for a month. I wont get into detail.
But I’ve though a lot and it’s gotten me this far.
I miss sp though, I miss everyone here. I’ve been working a lot, and drinking. It’s been depressing me. And not to mention it’s that time of year again for my depression to settel in. My birthday is in a few days, january 11th. And I’m not looking forward to it.
I was depressed this week, I still am. But I hide it very well from the real world. I all usually winds up at the end of the night that I despise […]
Do I want to die? 99.99% of me says yes. It is only me that can answer why and I am aware that It, the reason why, is all in my head.
I don’t know how to explain, the best that I can come up with is that I have awoken from a dreamworld that I’ve lived in for most of my life. I am not in any way, shape, or form lying or being misleading when I say that I grew up in isolation. I internalized just about everything. From the isolation, there wasn’t anyone who wanted to get close to me–no aunts […]
I just had a terrifying dream. These demons were always around me and watching me and I could see them whenever I looked into the mirror. Then one of them came for me. I thought they were gone but I looked into the mirror to see myself and she was behind me then looked at me and came for me . She poured this stuff in my mouth and duct taped my mouth and proceeded to put a bag on my head. I think I was about to die then I woke up.
I was scared as fuck when I woke up. It felt real. […]
As eminem would say, i`m having a full blown relapse. I stopped taking anti depressants a while ago. I tried different ones, different doses, took them for years. None of them worked out for me, they all made me feel nothing. I still prefer the pain over just nothing. I now use all kinds of drugs. Sometimes they give me a feeling that is close to being happy. But sometimes they make me feel the pain and hear the voices even more. I tried killing myself a fuew days ago. Had the rope ready, ant in total drunkenness i fell of the chair and woke […]
Do you ever think that maybe this life is hell? That maybe we lived a life before and we are all in hell? That our only way out is to seek redemption or go farther into the pit. I sometimes wonder if the people who commit suicide get the redemption. That we have realized that we aren’t suppose to be in this world. That we were a mistake and our only way out, our only way to get to our redemption and happiness is to kill ourselves. Because that is how I view our world. That this is hell. We were in the normal world […]
Fuck my nerves, I can’t do anything anymore for no real reason except them. I can’t even sleep anymore….
I can sleep 12+ hours and I wake up feeling worse than I did before I went to to bed. Its gotten a lot worse these past few months. At this point I try to stay up as long as I can because I don’t want to sleep anymore. I pills don’t help me with the rest it only make me fall asleep faster. I feel dead. I want to die so I can get some real sleep.
Hey guys I haven’t been on here since like 2014 but not really active since 2012
Anyways update
Things are okay
Im 18
I graduate this year
Start college in the fall
My family is okay ish i wish it was better but oh well
Congrats to everyone who’s made it another year
May we still push forward
<3
Anyone need someone feel free to text me
(208)446-2439 I will reply generally quickly
^^texting app not real # to anyone who wants to blast me
I stopped posting here while i waited for some supplies. I got things situated and waited. So here’s the story.
Tonight, i drove an hour and a half to pick up 100$ worth of high grade heroin. Ive never done it before in my life. My daughter is with my mother, i am home alone. I am cleaning house and organizing things to be found that need to be found. The grief that struck me in the truck on the way home was like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. I have my death in my pocket. To stand on the precipice, look down, and […]
Hey guys, it’s been a while since my last post. Probably gonna be a post with random shit, sorry.
So my first internship went really bad. My supervisors don’t know about my attempt, but they know I had to go to the hospital because of a mental problem. When the internship was over they had a talk with me. They were really worried and advise me to get help and to speak with the school. I went talk with the responsible teacher and she started asking a lot of questions and found out about my attempt. She was reluctant to let me do the second […]
This is embarrassing for me. I feel weak and pathetic and I have never shared these feelings with anyone (except for my boyfriend a long time ago who says I need to stop being so dramatic) I don’t have any real friends and have a difficult time getting close to people. My ex of seven years left me right after I had our twins. I haven’t seen him since they were born. I am a failure as a mother, too impatient and stressed. I get no break from parenting besides work, which fails miserably at supporting me and the kids. I am disgusted by my […]