Hello. I think I’m running out of steam. I just don’t really care anymore. It’s a hassle to get up in the morning, I stopped talking to a lot of people, my grades are starting to slip (yes I’m in high school), my teachers and other students are getting visibly frustrated when dealing with me. I just don’t really care anymore. I try my best to put up this front that I’m fine, but I’m starting to lose motivation for that too. It’s starting to show, and I can’t afford another freak out and get sent back to therapy. I’m tired. And I feel shitty […]
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Running
Mom has lost her keys again,
dad keeps seaching for his cell phone,
sis is busy in her laptop,
bro is listening to music.
And I know where the keys are,
and I know where the phone is.
And I know what she is searching
and I know what he found there.
So I know what is comming,
but don’t know whats going on.
—
I feel worthless, empty and alone.
I will no kill myself anytime soon but I am destroying my life… doing nothing on the sofa
I’ve thought it about for a long time and I’ve decided that I do want to end it. The problem is finding a method that is feasible for me and also reliable. I don’t have access to massive amounts of sleeping pills (and that doesn’t seem to work either). A helium bag seems like the next option but I don’t know where to purchase the materials. Hanging is impossible in the dorm I’m in. The only sure way is by shooting myself but I can’t find a place to purchase a gun. I read a post by another college student on here who said he […]
I think I’m meant just to survive for so much time, and I’m running of time already. People dislike me out of nowhere, I don’t do anything bad at anyone at all, but they just look down on me. I already tried to die from rat poison… no effects! So I gave up before trying again. Now I’m thinking of Helium Exit Bag, I’m just not sure if it will work, I don’t want to deal with another failure.
I don’t have any friends at all, I don’t have no one to talk to. People think I’m just okay, they don’t know how I feel deep […]
I want to go somewhere. I want to be free.
With people just like me.
I’m thinking of a mini forest in the mountains full of magnificent beautiful flora.
There’s a blue stream running there in front of me, flowing.
Up above, there’s two giant white clouds contrasting against the black night sky.
In between the clouds is a palace. That’s my goal.
That’s a place where you are free of problems. You’re listened to and respected. It’s where you make everyone happy, even yourself!
To get there I must earn my wings though. I must recruit people. People who are just like me.
Guys, […]
As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, […]
I’m done. I can’t believe I have to keep waking up for the next… what? How long? I don’t know what is going to happen with my marriage or anything else. I don’t know how my … self… is going to affect my kids. How long am I going to just be getting from one end of the day to the other? I don’t want to say it’s unfair, because no one’s inflicting it on me. I don’t know how God works, but I know God doesn’t work like this. Personal freedoms, free-will, poor choices, poor judgment.. Tendencies toward self destruction, self harm, self abuse. […]
I can’t take the emotional pain anymore. I’ve tried so many different anti-depressants. Do I need ECT? I just want some ******** to leave this world peacefully. I’m never going to accept my sexuality. I have unwanted same-sex attraction and at the same time want a family life. I’m 42 and time is running out. What’s the point of all this? Please god intervene, save this soul from hell and let me die peacefully. Psychiatrists, psychologists, support groups, friends, family, exercise, tried everything but I’m constantly thinking about suicide. Yes, I have some things going on in my life which I appreciate, BUT THE LONELINESS […]
Everyone is running, making progress, enjoying life and achieving a lot but i don’t feel like achieving anything. Life has become miserable, everyday is just more worse than the previous one. I tried a lot during the past 7 years to cope with it but i failed.
No confidence to do anything, life seems to be like a continuous torture, my creativity and working capability has just come to an halt. In this condition I am losing on every ground whether it is job, relations or anything else. Life feels like a monster, people have fear of death but i m having fear of life. Every […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
The clock is ticking and time is running out. I know not for my life, yes I do want something more. I want so many things in life and there are so many things I wanted to do and bring to this world. I want to bring happiness to others, I want to find happiness for myself, I want to be a father, I want to be content.
I want to be happy. I want to smile for something I’ve done not something I’ve seen. I want to laugh because I feel good inside not because it’s the appropriate thing to do. There’s so much good […]
I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m still alive. I suppose I should start off with the positives.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year and a half ago, and most of my friends know. I don’t have the energy to do any work at home, and at college I can’t concentrate and just keep having to go to the toilets and cry. I’m going to fail all my exams, I’ve accepted that, and for the moment I’m just trying to concentrate on staying alive. I want to drop out and get a job, but I would keep breaking down and crying there too […]
I keep running
running away from my problems, running toward my goals,
running to anywhere, everywhere as long as it’s not here.
I should take a moment to look at where I am at, but there’s no time.
I have to keep running.
I’m chasing and being chased.
The past is on my heels as I try to keep up with the future, the present.
But now always changes and quickly becomes the past just as I realized it is the future – it was the future.
Run.
I run towards my dreams, aspirations, […]
Took a very unwanted stroll down memory lane, was reminded of all the horrible things that happened in my life that my family blame me for. my parents getting divorced when i was 4 years old… my fault, my dad walking out on me for a woman… also my fault, being constantly reminded that I’m not as good as my siblings and blackening the family name because i’m not perfect… my fault, being called fat and ugly is also my fault because they wouldn’t have to say it if it wasn’t true.
Being reminded of all the years i was bullied in school and all […]
I guess a good place to start would be the beginning but I don’t really know where that is. I guess as a kid I always struggled fitting in, I wasn’t the same as everyone else and that was noticeable from a youngish age, I was always bullied in school for being different and was always being physically abused by the other kids. No one ever believed me when I’d tell them what was happening and thought it was all my fault for being so different and started punishing myself for it. At the age of 10 I started cutting and didn’t know that it […]
I’m running out of options. My last hope, before suicide becomes the best choice, is to drop out of college for a while and move away. I just need to live, on my own terms, or not live at all. I mean, I don’t know why we bother with this college, marriage, children bullshit. It’s a trap. This world is so damn big. There is so much more to experience than most people ever do. That’s the point. To experience. I’m absolutely done with this not living crap. If i’m going to stick it out here for any longer, I’ve got to get out of […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
So, I haven’t been on here for a few months actually, I thought my life turned around, at first my life seemed worthwhile, but…. I’m back. and honestly, this time I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be as sad as I am right now, I’m graduating highschool in a few months, I have to get a grad dress and a date. I have to decide what I want to be career-wise, but before that, college/university.. I should be ecstatic about all this happening right now.
but I’m not. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t have an answer for you. Once again, I just feel […]
Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]
If I told you would you understand? If I told you what I’ve done, would you love who I am? I chose the wrong things in everything, choosing nothing in the end. Run, run, running away. Sleep, dream, waiting for the good just to fall into my hands. Love left me in its dust, lust drove by and picked me up. It forced me back to my feet by cutting out my heart and leaving my soul to die. I tried to find the answers in half truths, but they only told me lies. I tried to kill my pain but each cut brought it […]
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