i have nothing else to live for ..that is what always pop up in my head every time i think about how she walk away from me in an istant,i couldnt even tell she was gone.. i have no one but she at my side always ..in every down moments of my life,in every problems that came..but now that she had left me..i just cant imagine how to go on ..i just cant imagine a life without her .. someone told thats everything gonna be okay,but i answered back ..how is it that you know that.when you dont even know how much pain i have..you […]
It just seems I cant get a break recently. After all the drama and problems last week, I find out I`ll possibly need another root canal, which my mom cant afford. Shes been slamming stuff around and crying, just upset in general. She keeps saying all I asked you to do is brush your teeth, my credit is maxed out, your dad isnt going to help and then she quits talking to me period.
Its just stressing me out..I feel horrible I keep adding all this pressure, with my appointments and medicine..I cant even get myself to cry anymore. Im sick of being a burden to […]
“how are you?” I get this pang of sadness.
“Well I’m fine” I wonder why I woke up this morning. I wonder why I bother with any of it.
“Whats on your mind?“ how painful it would be to hang myself.
“Just thinking” I wish I would stop dong that.
“about what?“ Suicide
“nothing much” Why do I feel so depressed?
“how come you don’t want to talk?”cause all I can think of is why I’m not dead yet. Not much of a conversation, huh?
*silence*
“Fine. I’ll leave you alone” yes, please do.
“okay” Another moment and i’d start […]
I was scared because I haven’t really felt anything at all in ages. No sadness, no happiness, no pain, no tears, no fear, no excitement, no laughter, no love, no hate. Just apathy and indifference. And not feeling anything scares the shit out of me, because I think that feeling all these emotions, good and bad, make everything real. And nothing felt real. And for a while it was good, because often feeling nothing is better than the level of pain I feel at times. But then feeling numb gets cold and sad and even more depressing than the sadness itself.
But this morning I […]
Hi. First off, something I want to say is that no matter how bleak things may look, you are strong, and you can make it through this. <3
My story starts about 5 years ago. all through elementary school I was always the most outgoing and fun-loving girl in our little town. I was never without a friend to play with. That all changed the day of my 11th birthday party. It was the most fun party I had ever had. I was so happy because my dad picked me and my friend up in a semi-truck to bring us home. we got there, and there […]
lately, my mind has been on its own. what i want is not what it wants. i want to be happy, carefree, an no longer adding heart ache to others cuz of my complaining. i want to be the one that people go to. i want to be the one everyone talks bout in a positive way. i want to say im not depressed. i want this and that but my mind is addicted. addicted to the sadness ive felt for so long. it always thinks negatively either upsetting my friends or causing harm to myself, sometimes its both. i wish to wake up one […]
My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
Once when I was little I was happy and carefree I used to run around laughing
Until it was time for tea I used to play games And smile all the time I used to feel on top of the world I used to feel fine It’s amazing how things change When people let you down And how that once happy face Turns into a solemn frown
You search and search For someone who cares Anyone who understands Anyone who dares Loneliness, it hurts It kills you deep inside It makes you feel empty It stops you in your stride You cry yourself to sleep Hugging your pillow tight Wishing for someone To hold you through the night Once when I was little I was happy and carefree Now […]
This is what some people believe. When one cuts through whatever emotion one is feeling right now, it’s rooted in either love or fear.
I believe that the reason that we have come to this site is because we have let fear-based emotions rule our lives. Anger, hate, frustration, anxiety, sadness, shame, regret … these feelings are all fundamentally driven by fear. In my case, I’m angry at myself. I hate my work situation. I feel great shame in being a burden on so many people. I’m frustrated by my relationship. I regret not having the balls to be true to myself – this lack of […]
The thing about my sister, is that she is mean. Not only that, but she doesn’t realize that when she tells people these mean, horrible things, that they are affected by it. That what she says to me, makes me feel worse about myself. How many times have I cut myself over things she said or did to me? Too many. How many pills did I try to overdose on, July 1 2010? Over 40. That same year, I overdosed again on August 23. The second Monday in school. That same year, months earlier, I tied together a bunch of knee high socks, and tried […]
I want to be different so bad but I can’t be
I don’t wanna be depressed;I want to see the bright side of life.
I’m tired of this feeling of sadness
Will it get better?
I’m listening to a song as I work on my project. I do 3D modelling for personal release even if it isn’t comeplete. I’ve been working on an eye since eyes are another thing I’ve drawn well that hasn’t stopped. Eyes see everything even what they brain doesn’t process. Pain, happniess, sadness, weakness, strength joy, it see the world and what you see is reflected in them when the camera captures you in a freeze.
My eyes see the blurr frm tears that won’t fall. I’m still doing anything to distract myself because I have no real hope anymore. Just a passive motion. I’m […]
I know I want to die, but I’m not exactly planning it like I used to. The pain of being alive is still constant, but I can’t die because no one will take care of my babies if I do.
I also know that I want this pain to end. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. It hurts even when I’m laughing, excited, or happy. It’s always lingering to tell me that my joyful moments are nothing but fleeting. In the next hour, minute, or second, sadness will take it away. It has never failed me […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
Last night i cried myself to sleep.I’ve been hurt so much.Being in middle school has not been the funnest of times because “my friends” bullied me so bad to the point i wanted to kill myself.I still remember that day and how i ran to a ditch and sat hoping somebody would kill me.But when that failed i did a pill overdose. That did nothing too. I prayed and prayed and prayed and asked god why he was doing this to me?! no reply. That same day i walked to my mom’s job as i do everyday.I walked onto her school campus,knowing in my heart […]
Death, sadness, joy…
Doesn’t matter if it’s a sad anime called fruits baskets, or a dead person. I can’t cry, nor can I though intense happiness. The tears have dried up completely. I come about a breath away from tears, yet they never come. For some reason, I hope to be able to again.Â
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My mom and step-dad are most likely getting a divorce now. I remember the day my mom took 2 hours extra to get home and my dad accused her of cheating. Then a few months later, my dad asked on one cold night. We sat on the cold front yard and he […]
DON’T END YOUR LIFE , DON’T GIVE UP , REACH OUT TO ME.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†[…]
I don’t think I will amount to anything. I feel as though, there is no hope for me. With my condition, no one will stay around enough to love me. I drive everyone away. I can’t find people to love me and stay by my side to help me through this. I am at a loss…I feel like I amount to nothing. I am being selfish. I know there will be people who will need me if I stay alive, but…there’s reason to die. Everyone I loved, I drove away. I am harsh when I’m upset. I hate myself afterwards. I can’t decide if I […]
I pop on most days to work on a project, or to write a reply. Some days I’ll just read quietly. I speak up when I have something to share but I realize my voice just like before doesn’t mean much.
When I was younger I was a listener and I was forced to be a talker. To be a talker to make myself clear and to stop assumptions about me.
A phrase rings through my head “You can’t be a hero” at 12 years old my father did everything to crush my hopes. I did little things, I donated a little money, I held open […]
It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, how hard I’m cleaning, or sorting. It doesn’t matter how many times I walk up and down stairs, or when I water or tend the plants. Those waves. Those deep soul waves of sadness wash over my whole body.
I’m not crying but I feel like I should be. Tears must be still in reverse. My heart pauses for a moment. It sends a tremble in my arms and throat. A wave of sadness.
Why should someone so messed up crave something they’re not ready for? Love. I wish the heart would stop craving that it just doesn’t realize […]