i have always been depressed, always have had more bad days than good. for a long time i though if i could change something, just get away. things would be better elsewhere. ive now been to 9 states and 5 countries and can never escape the sadness. the only thing stopping me from ending it now is the love of friends and family. now i feel i must run away, not to feel better but to  get far enough away where i can be free enough to do what i need to be truly happy. to die
I guess this group isn’t much for me. I see a lot of suicidal people on here and I get angry. I thought there would be more stories of triumph and survival. Or how being here after a loved one suicided has made you stronger. This should be something of support. Why doesn’t anyone want that? I read some of these posts and I wonder why they say the things they do. A cry for help? What kind of immediate help can they get on here where we don’t know a thing about them or their struggle. Is it just to re-traumatize those who have […]
deep inside im sad, its true that a person who laughs the most are the saddest. Crazy isn’t it?Haha is this one way of god’s keeping the balance in us humans so that we can survive our every day life of chaos and sadness? he’ll make us laugh at small things even if its not that funny.. i hate it when i laughed at small things, it makes me feel like im stupid but i can’t help it thats how my mind and body reacts to help me survive and live through the day 🙁 Crazy world!
Why is life so unfair? I’ll never understand. I’ll never understand why people can be so cruel, why people die, why we cant be happy. We are in a world where people actually want to die. But not for selfish reasons, not really. We just want the pain to end. And people dont get that. Many times Ive dreamt about ways to die. My friend says its “a cry for help.” But when I was doing it I didnt care about wanting to be saved. I just wanted it to end, it meaning the pain, the depression, the sadness. I didnt mean to fail those […]
It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
I don’t really know what else i can do anymore. Cameron died almost exactly a year ago (September 8 2013) and I am STILL not over it. I’ve gone to all the groups, I’ve been hospitalized for PTSD, I’ve got a new boyfriend who treats me like gold, I go out, I don’t talk about it all the time anymore. What else can I do to make it feel better.
The thing you have to know is Cameron and I were very much in love but […]
before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]
I like to take things a part. Analyze. When things start to look ugly I want to look away. Disappear perhaps just for a little while. During these times I’m terrified of everything especially Drs and hospitals. So I’ve never stayed or sought out help. I have often found myself growing fond of these dark thoughts. Viciousness seems to craft itself in slow motion for my viewing and I look at it like artwork. I believe that those who crawl up from rock bottom are stronger. To jump high you must crouch low. Anger is funny, sadness beautiful.
Have you ever reached a point of sadness where you just . . . Stop? You stop thinking because there’s just so many bad thoughts. Any thought you do have is incoherent; merely a few words in a jumble that you can’t put in any sensible order. Nothing seems right. The words mean nothing to you anyway. For these three days or so, you shut down. You are clockwork. It’s almost like nothing matters anymore. You can do anything you like, there are no rules; no restrictions. You walk around following your daily pattern, knowing what you need to do but not thinking about any […]
So here’s the thing.
Oct 3rd is when I get married and its coming up pretty fast. I know this should be a grandest time in my life but the truth is, I am just not that happy about it.
The man I am marrying is the greatest, generous person in the world. He really is just that wonderful.
But I cheated on him. :\
I am not going to make excuses for what I have done because I was fully aware of what I was doing and wanted to do.
I can honestly say I have never been a cheater. Even with all the shitty ass boyfriends I went […]
Why I feel this way I don’t know. I’m just upset about nothing. Pathetic, really. Right? I wasn’t bullied. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t abused. I’m just sad. I really do wish that I had a proper reason; a trigger; a valid purpose for wanting to end my life. They all say life will get better, but I don’t think it will. I used to. I thought this was all just a phase; a couple years of my life spent wallowing in my own pity and sadness. I’m only a teenager, after all. I will be sad sometimes. But this is a new feeling. A feeling […]
DON’T YOU DARE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will […]
Im 17 years old. 18 on November 22. I just lost my dad on March 22, a little over 4 months ago from liver and kidney disease. I watched him suffer, deteriorate. My hero started needing me for help to do the simplest of tasks.. I had to help him up after the many times he had fallen. But now hes dead. He was in the hospital for a few months before he died so somethimes it doesnt seem like he is gone. But I never wanted to go see him in the hospital. You see his illness made him say some mean things. He […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
I can’t exactly say when it started because I don’t know, my life has just been full of bad events snowballing until I finally released it all.
From a very young age I felt alienated from everyone, I felt that nobody was like me.
It didn’t help that I had a young mother, she had me at 14, Â because I felt that she wasn’t approachable. Also, she was often getting into new relationships which involved a lot of men. I found it very hard ad still find it very hard, to connect with new people so this was an issue for the first 5 years of my […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
What’s the point? I hate everything. I hate being a teen, and I don’t want to go through whatever bullshit comes my way in life. It’s just going to be full of people who have no sympathy for you and just laugh at your misfortunes. I frustrate people to the point to where they want to just disappear when they listen to my problems. No one can get anywhere with me. I was even called “typically close-minded” today. I always thought I was better than that. I always think most of the poem “Richard Cory” perfectly describes me:
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on […]
Tonight is the last meeting of a Suicide Survivors group that I’ve been going to for a months. Its a group for people who have survived at least one suicide attempt in the last year. I adore the group members and hope them all the best… it breaks my heart thinking that I will be abandoning them in the following weeks; Â I believe its better to disapear then to make any announcement that I will be following through with my exit plan. It fills me with sadness to imagine any of the other members doing what I will be doing to myself… I baked cupcakes […]