Every night I fall asleep thinking of what it is I wish I could have the most, at one point in time I wanted to be happy. And then I found happiness, I found myself falling in love with someone so completely imperfect. I knew that what it was that was between him and I wasn’t a reality because at the end of the day he fell asleep next to my sister, except on the many occasions that he fell asleep on the couch with me beside him. But in the end he was beside her, she got to call him “my boyfriend” I got to […]
Tag:
Self Harm
General curiosity, and my apologies if this has been brought up before, I’m new here. Don’t quite know my way around yet, so forgive me. I’ve always wondered what is after this? Years of self abuse written like poetry in scars over my body. Years of self-hatred for everyone to see and stare at. One stint in the psych ward, and multiple suicide attempts thwarted and my mom or myself saying “oh no, I didn’t want to die, I was just overwhelmed” in order to save me from more stints in the psych ward. I never wanted help, I never cried out for help, I […]
Do you ever feel like you can’t let anyone in? That you can’t tell anyone about your suicidal urges or depression, because you know one day, you’re gonna commit suicide? Like it’s your destiny? And if they get close like that and you self-destruct it’ll hurt them. I know it will hurt them alot. That’s why I made 3 huge mistakes in telling my three friends. Now whenever I go, I know it’ll just hurt them. And people wonder why suicidal people are anti-social. Sometimes you have to push everyone away to save them from the pain.
Do you ever get the feeling that happy people […]
Sadness suddenly appearsÂ
It knows it is one of my worst fears
The darkness is where it makes its attack
So why do I feel so safe in the haunting pitch black?Â
We both know it will win the fightÂ
We both know I’ll end up sad tonightÂ
I beg it to leave me alone but it doesn’t want to be kind
It pounces on my vulnerability and destroys my state of mind
Â
I fight even harder but I know it’s not going away Â
It is extremely hungry tonight and I’m it’s only prey
Its stronger than me and begins to  obtain total controlÂ
Sadness is […]
that title just describes it all. I honestly hate myself. I don’t look in the mirror because I know I will hate what I see and I will hate what I have become. My arms used to be clean slates and now they are nothing more then a cutting board filled with old and new marks. I promised things that I have broken. I try not to let things get to me but how can you fight your own mind? there came a time when I just gave up and stopped trying. I hate myself for that. I was in therapy for awhile but I […]
I’m a panromantic homosexual, and my girlfriend knows I’ve suffered with self harm. She knows I still do and that it’s hard breaking the habit, and she’s there when I need to talk. Tonight I told her if I had never met her I would have left and that I probably still wouldn’t be alive today. We have a long distance relationship, and I can’t see her all the time, so I feel alone. Tonight though, we were on videochat and I told her about all of it. Her first words were ‘Oh my God’, and then she started crying. She talked to me, and […]
I should have one of those fairy tail lives, I come from a good family, always went to good schools, I always got good grades, but it’s never good enough. I’m a college student at a decent college, nothing amazing. I played division 1 sports on one of the best teams in the country for 2 years and quit as of this year. No one in my family supports my decision to quit. I didn’t quit because I’m lazy, I quit because I’m a math major, I make the deans list frequently, school is what is important to me, but my classes didn’t fit with […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
Everyday it seems to be getting worse and worse. I’m coming to the end of this pointless life that I have been attempting to live but it’s all too much. The final goodbye, it just a breath away.
Its been ages since i last wrote on here.
+++ Nothing has changed… Will i be like this forever?
I am still suffering from depression, stopped counselling because it wasn’t helping; but i realized recently i just wasn’t patient enough and i still continue to self harm as a coping method to help me through the mood swings and hatred.
On the plus side… i passed my gcses and started college- which is why my dad says i have no need to cut or be sad. Clearly he doesn’t understand what depression is…
*sigh*
What gets everyone through each horrible night and past the demons?
I need something to keep me going, because anymore I see no point in living. Everyone always meets someone better than me, then I become nonexistent. I’m use to it, I don’t blame anyone, I only blame myself for not being good enough. And yes, I know that people leave our lives all the time but why is it that no one seems to stay in my life? For once, I’d like to feel wanted/needed. But that probably won’t happen, I’ll kill myself long before that day comes.
I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I’ve been suffering with dysthymia since the seventh grade almost and fifteen now, but last night I think did me over completely. My family and I got into a huge altercation last night that led to words being said that I’d never thought I’d hear outside my own mind. “You’re crazy, *****, you ruin everything, I don’t want anything to do with you” “You ruined my life” (coming from my own mother). I used to tell myself these things in my mind. Along with fat, slut, stupid, and ugly. But I just thought maybe it’s all […]
Really, what’s so great about this world anyways? All I see are a bunch of people who have too many worries to be bothered with some suicidal girl, and I don’t blame them, I wish I could be one of them but I’m not. I’m just a repulsive, hard to love, self harming, suicidal girl. I’m no one special or anyone that will be truly missed. Can someone come and stab me to death, please? It would be much appreciated.
It’s taken me my whole life to realise that have never been “happy.” I was never happy as a child, tween, and now into my teenage years, my sad feelings have developed into anxiety, anorexia, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I turned to drug use and alcohol. I still smoke and drink a lot. I have these sleeping pills and sometimes I just hold them and think about how easy it would be to just go. I am disgusted by my body and spirit. I think sometimes, it’s not worth living if I can’t even love myself. I have been trying to like […]
i’m so sick and tired of existing. sometimes i don’t feel fear, i am terrified of the pain that will come with killing myself because there is no easy way out, but sometimes i feel no fear, i feel desperation and unbearable pain. i just want it to be over and i NEED the courage to just fucking do it. i’m miserable and tired. the worst part to all of this is that there is no reason behind any of the pain that i feel or for that matter the pain anybody feels. theres no reason. no meaning. nothing. as they say, shit just happens. […]
WHAT THE FUCK ONE DIRECTION FANGIRLS? WHAT THE FUCK?
Cut for Zerrie? Really? Have you gone mad? He is getting married to someone he loves. He is HAPPY.
And it insults me that you DARE call yourselves cutters. You have NOTHING to cry over. Sorry to burst your bubble, but YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE WITH HIM BEFORE.
I’m insulted to be quite honest. I cut because I actually have problems. YOU don’t. It pisses me off.
Justin Bieber smoked pot, you cut.
Zayn Malik wins the girl, you cut.
Mitch Lucker DIES, I stay sane, and you still call me an emo dyke who’s pathetic.
Fuck you. Just FUCK YOU ALL.
Don’t […]
I’m a 14 year old girl going into highschool and I basically hate my life. I’ve attempted suicide once with pills but I ran out. I self harm. Only 3 of my closest friends know I hurt myself and I’m afraid word will get around. I don’t want to be a freshman and have a harder time in school because everyone knows I hurt myself. I’ve went maybe a month the longest without hurting myself. I hurt myself because I feel useless. I’m not pretty or very smart or athletic or talented or rich. Those are the only things people care about. I’m fat. I’ve […]
I’m the kind of person who had a great childhood. I wasn’t abused or molested. My family loved me and even though I was kind of weird, I had friends. I was content with my life. But, then, in sixth grade, I discovered that I had a gluten intolerance. Then, everything went downhill.
I discovered self-harm as a seventh grader. I started scratching myself with paperclips. I thought it was normal because it seemed that that was how everyone else dealt with their problems. It was “cool.”
I don’t really remember eighth grade, but about halfway through my freshman […]
Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self […]
Does anyone else often feel like they don’t matter? Like they’re alone in a crowd? Even amongst people who should be my friends, I feel like I don’t belong. Then again, I don’t think these people are real friends. Yesterday, I was at another party. Sitting there among a circle of people I know (people who are supposedly my friends), watching them talk and laugh about things that deep down I can’t truly relate to, I have never felt so alienated and disconnected. It was like I was an audience member watching a show I didn’t really enjoy or find all that funny.
It always seems […]