Before I tell my story I’d like to say a few things. I am not looking for pity or attention. I deserve neither of those. I don’t need anyone to tell me that what I say about myself isn’t true and I’m being to hard on myself. I only wish to get my story out here so that anyone who feels the same way will know that they are not alone.
I’m going to start off with a little background about my family and myself. My mother’s mother was a bi-polar depressive and an alcoholic. Her parents divorced and re-married several times when she was […]
Tag:
Self Loathing
life and living, for me, is an outfit. you put on all these clothes that weigh you down but eventually, end of the day comes; time to strip ’em off and rest.
I’m afraid that I’m genuinely losing my mind. That analogy, if you can call it that, is a half finished thought. So many of my thoughts are half finished and incoherant; I’M half finished and incoherant HAHAHA! self loathing is always hilarious.
I try to wear my life for as long as possible, but I always end up stripping it off and proclaiming myself animal.
What am I saying? WHat am I writing? How is […]
the amassing depression. the self-loathing, self put down. the little voice in my head telling me that i should just kill myself and be free. my fucking straight edge calling me from the drawer. my psych meds transforming into an image of freedom. fuck fuck fuck!!! how wonderful it would be, the bus driver not being able to stop in time. or the gun salesman not knowing my true intention. fuck here come the fucking tears. the kind of sadness that make me feel weak and lonely. except for the fact that i am alone and lonely. i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. […]
You know what? Its spring motha-fukin break, and I might as well enjoy it cause its gonna be my last. I wanna leave those around me with atleast one good memory. i owe them that much. in somewhere around thirty days, ill be dead. Hopefully. So self loathing is gonna take a back seat while i put a smile on my damn face and act like im normal. Normal…why cant i be normal?? Why? Why? WHY? to many fucking questions and absolutely no answers.
Goodnight/Morning and the best to you all
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
I hate the word ‘suicide’, […]
…and I feel terrible. I married 11 years ago and she was diagnosed with bipolar a few months later. Since then, we’ve had good times, bad times, up times and down times. There have even been normal times. But she changed meds three years ago and got very ill. Since then, I’ve done everything I can and it’s made me very, very ill. I crashed late last year and had to be rescued by a friend who became my partner. I’m weighed down with guilt and self-loathing and all I can think about is ending it.
My real name is Richard, by the way, not Verkitso. […]
hi all. i am 38 and i have been a carpenter all of my life. i am also not one of the thinnest men in the world. i am good at what i do, but there is no joy in me. i live in a little country, were its wrong to not be happy. i find no happynes in anything, and my girlfriend has not been touching me at all for over 4 months.. there is no work to be found. i barly can get the things to fit, and i am always outa money. i have tried to end it before, 2 times to […]
Down and down I tumble
Towards the end of it all
Feeling so hurt and dead
Just a constant reminder
I wish to bleed
Nothing more to carve away
I want it.
God, I crave it more.
To dig away my skin.
To hide away all the reminders
It will be no better
Probably not. But I hate myself
More for leaving proof
Dreadful memories of what I am
A deep insane mental case
Who tried to end herself many times
Now with marks everywhere
Ashamed and forever frightened
To be judged and lectured
To show off my body to my love
For even my […]
Fractured memories of all these war-torn years,
stab into my soul, giving strength to wasted tears.
Trust, a luxury I cannot afford.
Condemned by my own accord.
(slice.)
Heated arguements have lead to silence.
Now I’m locked away, suffering quiet violence.
The need to loose control is just so tempting.
The mirror I look into is now empty.
(slice.)
Once I was promised your salvation.
But your hatred lies on me as abomination.
(slice, slice.)
No one to run to, nowhere to go
this loathing breeds in me, I know.
I hate this horror, need to hide
from the disappointment I have inside.
I’ve murdured […]
just can’t take this pain, just want it to be over , just wish I could find the cojones to do it. just can’t stop crying just can’t sleep just don’t wnat to leave my house, just so filled with self loathing, just so damn pathetic
I… really don’t know what to do. Yesterday, I wrote a post that expressed my desire to no longer live, and yet, I find that something odd is holding me back. Between the wonderful comments yesterday and my family actually being nice to me despite me not even saying much to them, I was actually… happy. I was able to forget about my self- loathing and have a day where people… cared? Such a weird word for me to say. But, I woke up this morning coming down from my high from yesterday- to hear my brother expressing his love for his girlfriend, aka, the […]
I really can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry to all of you who take offense to me, since you all have real legitimate problems that I want to help you with if it weren’t for my own selfishness and self loathing got in the way. I’m sorry.
I hate my family. I always try to see the good in people rather than be a total pessimist, but I am always proved wrong. I hate how my father comes home everyday piss drunk. I hate how my little brother is treated like a king when he acts like an asshole 24/7. I hate how my older brother […]
Hello. I’m new to this site. I saw it as a beacon, almost. Let me tell you a bit about myself.
I’m 14 years old, I’m bulimic, I have two brothers, and I tried to kill myself when I was 13 years old.
The bulimia didn’t develop until recently, since after the suicide attempt I was as self- loathing as ever. My brothers contribute highly to my depression. My older brother is seeing a girl whom I don’t want him to see, since I was friends with this girl at one time but she ended up molesting me. He knows about this, yet he continues to see […]
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