I don’t know if I should be here (This site) Only because I haven’t hurt myself in around 5 years, but lately I’ve been feeling exactly how I did when I was 13-16 (20 now), I just don’t really want to live anymore, (Already crying) I just can’t help it, whenever I’m alone I have to fight to keep myself from either bursting into tears or picking up the knife for the first time in years, I feel so helpless and I don’t know what to do, I want to see a counselor but I don’t really like telling my life story to new people every week […]
Tag:
Shit
This is the first time i write about my suicidal thoughts on the internet..I have no financial problems, so financially speaking i have a life that many would want. I’m also still young, many people tell me that i have my whole life ahead of me and that i shouldnt be pessimistic..but i have never had the life i really want. I didnt have many friends untill recently, and that was only because we share a habit which is drinking and smoking pot..i have thought about taking my life for many years now, i was even seriously planning on doing it one time but i […]
I went out to see some of my old friends yesterday. They changed so much I ended up drinking a lot I blacked out. I hate the feeling of not knowing what happened, I just wake up in my bed. I’ve done this a lot lately. For some reason I get paranoid. I have a bite mark on me and who the fuck did that. I’m miserable. I’ve never wanted to die so much. I don’t think I will be leaving my house anytime soon.
If you have read my first post you will understand that my life is honestly shit. If you didn’t to sum it up. My dad beat me my whole life, I told him I wanted to kill myself and he told me to do it. He took me to the hospital when I over dosed but dropped me off left, and told me I deserved it. A bunch of stuff has happened since. I have been in 3 mental hospital for attempted suicide. At one point I wasn’t eating or doing much of anything at all. I would go to school come home, and sleep […]
the deepis thorts of mine are just so well fuckt up cant some one be the sergun and cut the infectid part of my sole out i whant some one to shoot the guy in my head i whant to be free i whant to live not be like this imagen if some one stumbulld in to are world and saw the truth if thay feelt the pane we do woud thay be abel to take it are we stronger cos of the pane we feel i whant to think that imagen if some one did thow wecom to the iland of broken toys all […]
I’ve always been aware that I’m not good enough for anything I want – friends who don’t treat me as an inferior, mainly, I went through all my life getting that from everyone I liked (and worse shit on top of it) – but eventually I made myself take the advice from people on the internet that I am good enough and to not let people walk all over me. That “self-esteem comes from within.” And I ended up becoming an asshole for two and a half years when aside from that I’ve always been a major softie… and the last person I made friends […]
I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]
Is there really a point to any of the shit we do? It all seems so meaningless and empty. I don’t want the stupid American dream. I just want to enjoy my life, but that won’t happen. Not in this world. It really does suck.
I’ve been depressed for about 6 years. Â I’ve been thinking pretty much these thoughts throughout the entirety of that time period- the thoughts becoming more complex and clear or unclear as time passed. Â I’m 18 now. Â It has been especially bad this year getting ready for college. Â The thoughts of moving out and beginning the rest of my life are eating away at me. Â I never really thought I would get this far but I did. Â The fact that I’ve only been here 18 years is killing me. Â I’ve only been here 18 years. Â How can I possibly put up with 70 more years […]
Today I had to cut off my best friend who I’ve known for about 18 years or so. He really pissed me off and he has no respect for me so our friendship is over. I came to him for some advise and he just ridiculed me. Sometimes, its better not to have any friends than to have friends that treat you like shit. To hell with him. One less parasite out of my life.
Dave
im not going going but im leving my life behind for a copul days weeks mothe 1 year at the most ill probly find the strenth to go on with out the suffring or ill find the strenth to pull the trigger im not saying i will and if i am going to ill do it after i get back like a week after just to say goodbye n shit but yer im not saying im going to do it now but im off on a jorney o self help ill be on the mores on the streets at home to get food n shit […]
every time i try to be happy it always ends up in a disaster
i have always been bullied all my life ever since i was a little girl. i am 15 now and i am still being Put down by others because i dress different and my way of thinking is different than others. i can’t seem to fit in ….. i mean i don’t want to fit in its great to be different but the insults and rumors …. and THE lies are what hurt me. all i ever wanted, was for my life to be different and… for me to be happy. […]
I’ve always had trouble with lying. And I’m so sorry I lied to you. I lost so much of your trust. It hurts. I hurt you. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I dont know why I lie so much. But I had to tell you. You deserve better. Knowing how much shit I just threw at you just makes me want to kill myself. I just feel like an awful person that doesn’t even deserve to be alive. Even though we’re still together I feel like I’ve just ruined it. I’m so sorry.
I have to ask… am I an ideal suicide candidate? My family life has all but gone to shit (and trust me, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING to change that around); I have a job that makes me miserable and I’ve had enough jobs to know it’s not getting any better out there. I can’t afford school ( I’m 22) and I don’t know where I want to see myself career-wise. I hate the way I look, despite compliments, which seem more like desperate attempts from friends to raise my self-esteem or from guys to get in my pants. I could go on… I’m serious about […]
its fryday and thers a girl crying in the boys bog and i realise people are so crule that im sick of them can you help me help her ples
written by why i dont no
right ill explane thers a amercn who has just come to are school for gcses FOT resons unkonwn to me and beeing a all boy school evrey time shes arownd evrey one acts like thave never see girl befor but as this grue old that startid to bulley her and this must hve gon to far because today she was in the boy lav crying her eyes out and cuting so i lock the door and put my mate out side to stop people coming in
“fuck off”
“love im not going to do aney thing to you nor am i going aney were till you tell me whats up” i […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
Im pissed off with my so called life. I have no one, not one person who calls me. not one “real” friend! I have come to the conclusion that no one gives a shit. Most days i wonder around town aimlessly with my son and its as if im a ghost no one talks to me i feel so alone. And them false people who pretend they give a shit just makes me want to punch there horrible faces in. My boyfriend doesnt understand how i feel i tell him i feel suicidal and hes like you’ll be ok!! I feel like theres no hope […]
YAY!! Again I was fooled by the empty promise which is…. actually scrap that, I won’t be dramatic about this, I will be plain and simple. And tell things just the way they happened. Just after that vicous attack on my mom, FINALLY! SAFETY! I thought, we were moving into the our new house on friday, without dad! WOOO! well that was until the other family started to get involved, moms parents didn’t give to hoots about what the hell she did, never did never will, UNTIL! she says shes moving to get SAFETY! SAFETY are you following? Then and only then do they decide […]
I’m Pathetic.
To Care So Much For Someone That I Went Suicidal.
I’m A Attention Whore For Telling People How Hurt I Am Or That I Hurt Myself.
I’m Scared Of What I Might Become…
The Only Person The Kept Me Stable Told Me The Truth.
That I Already Knew…
It Hurt To Hear It From That One Person Though…
Everyone Leaves You…
And Sometimes You End Up Just Wanting To Be Your Own Friend; I Am My Own Friend.
Its Hurts To Hear Her Say Everything.
Cause Shes The Same Way…
And That Night I Almost Went Suicidal…
I Had The Pills On The […]
Hey, my name is Jack.
today has been a pretty shit day, just like every other day I guess. In year 7 is when it all started, my dad stopped being my dad.
Dad was working in the Air Force and previously worked in the navy for years, so he is a respectable man. Although while i was in year 7, he got discharged from the air force for injuring his knee and neck. Now I’m 18, I finished school last year, I hated school. I hated the teacher, I hated the education, i hated the school in general. Everyone is so stupid, i honestly felt like one of the smartest people in the […]