I thought that having a crush was normal. It is, but it’s not when that person is all that you think about. You dream about them. You daydream constantly about them saying that they like you the same way you like them. These things aren’t normal. I think I’m just fucking going insane. Trevor is honestly the only thing I can think about. He’s my safe haven, in a way. I focus on him instead of focusing on how much pain I’m in. I guess it might be normal, but it doesn’t feel that way. I don’t want to go crazy. I don’t want to […]
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every time i try to be happy it always ends up in a disaster
i have always been bullied all my life ever since i was a little girl. i am 15 now and i am still being Put down by others because i dress different and my way of thinking is different than others. i can’t seem to fit in ….. i mean i don’t want to fit in its great to be different but the insults and rumors …. and THE lies are what hurt me. all i ever wanted, was for my life to be different and… for me to be happy. […]
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I […]
Hello, I’ve been lurking around this site for quite awhile now. Obsessively reading every post. I know I spelled serotonin in my username wrong, unfortunate really. Anyways, it’s 4:43 am where I live and I can’t sleep so I decided to post my experience with suicide attempts. I am not good with dates so it will be a unspecific measurement like a year ago or in January. I will be going into specific suicide techniques so…spoiler alert.
When I was young everything was easy for me. Sports, I was a natural, school was easy never had […]
You know what you always hear people saying that they want to kill them self for many reasons and i never thought that i would be one of those people. I AM NOW !!!!.
I have very bad health ( my backs  falling apart) i am in so much pain all the time and i am fighting it 24/7 . I am 32 and i  had so much to live for.
Its all been taken away from me and i have hit rock bottom. I cry every day, i have dark thoughts all the time that i could just take all my med that i am on a […]
Today a girl talked to me. The one I’ve been wanting to be friends with since I  turned up at the college. Her name is Tina and she’s from a parallel group. I honestly don’t know why she gifted me with that 5-minute chat. She was bored, obviously. And probably in a bad mood because of having to get up too early. It could be just that none of her friends was around to engage her, so she sat next to me and complained. It felt so awkward, I couldn’t find words to keep the conversation going. All I could manage was a couple of […]
Things to be, things that are there, things to keep… They are the things that must exist. Because they stay unaffected by the evils of other things. They are like glass, even when broken, they keep shining. Â They are different for each person. They may not follow standards or fashion, only the person’s soul. So they don’t necessarily have to be material (like dreams). But what is certain is they are always the dearest, cherished ones. We cling onto them, never let go of them, and cry, when we lose them, or when they’re suddenly taken away from us. And even then, when they are […]
I’m tired of being so depressed that it makes me feel tired all the time even when i’ve had more than enough hours needed for a good night’s sleep (which rarely happens for me), i’m tired of trying to be strong, i’m tired of having suicidal thoughts, i’m tired of pretending everything is ok, i’m tired of worrying about the future and scared, i’m tired of living the life I live right now.
die die they say for me to die.
no I’m better than that. you can’t make me.
they say cry, cry emo freak cry.
I cry when I want to, I don’t want to cry for you.
Bleed. bleed emo girl bleed.
I already am…
********************* I wonder what death is like… i feel it would be eternal sleep, that what we humans classify as heaven and hell would translate into eternal dreaming and eternal nightmares….. hmmm
Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my […]
False praise kills. Â I am told often that I am talented blah, blah blah. Â I can’t believe this. Â To do so would be arrogant. Â My inner circle does tell the truth. Â Significant other does not touch me because I am too fat for his liking. Â I was a size 00 when we met. Â I now wear a 2. Â He says he can only love me if I am thin and blonde. Â He says I am stupid. Â I’m in a doctoral program because at one time I wanted to prove to him that I was not as stupid as he says I am. Â Â There are […]
everyday when i wake up, i feel my heart is being squeezed , it hurts so much that i cant take it anymore, just want to go back to sleep and never wake up. i feel so empty all the time
i have 2 rifles and a shotgun leaning against the wall, when i wake up i feel hurt and i stare at death against the wall, until im ready to accept it, i want to live and see the future, but i just cant stand feeling this way any longer, im afraid of waking up tomarrow, afraid that ill land a rifle round in my […]
Starting to care less about what p eople think of me. I don’t know what to write my thoughts are so jumbled I want to write though. I need to get my thoughts out. so basically I am wasting my life I am too Pathetic to push myself, I have no current interest in looking for a new job, there’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to school in the fall, I don’t like the idea of being the oldest one there, I really dont. So I’m not gonna do it . I really don’t give a shit about not graduating, […]
From a time before I could remember, I’ve been tormented. At home, my father would abuse me -not physically, but emotionally and verbally. But that hurt more than the real abuse my step-mother would give me on a near-daily basis. I was moved from the front of the front of my family’s love, to the basement of our new house, while my stepsister got a real bedroom, with a heater, with a real floor, a real bed, and a window.
Every day I woke up to objects being thrown at me because my new sister didn’t want to touch me -afraid she would catch what I […]
It seems like everyone who didn’t previously hate me now is mad at me. I’m standing on a building a fly could topple and here comes an eagle. Tomorrow everything will get worse, plus there will be the addition of having no opportunity to fix it because of my, now expected to be stressful, vacation.
1. Why can’t anyone accept ME?!
I REALLY tried to PLEASE all of you!
2. Why won’t they BELIEVE me?!
I didn’t do the stuff they say I DID!
3. Why does everyone leave me?!
Everyone is gone, A PART OF my inspiration was recently hit by a police car on THE interstate […]
I’ve struggled with major depression for several years. The time between feeling some level of normal and giving anything for death to free me from this is getting shorter and shorter. In November, I argued with my shrink and therapist that this is my life, and to not allow me from release from the pain was unethical. After when animals suffer, they are put down. No one else knows how depressed I really am. I mask it very well- I go through the motions of a life while feeling nothing but wanting to be dead. If this […]
each morning and evening my thoughts are seized in belief that by finding a reason you became so decieving this pain will ease,and the pressure on my chest relieved making it easier to breathe which is necessary for all human beings
However all the countless calls the miles Ive walked staring up and down the walls have taught me to not expect you to catch my falls but yet you stand beside and watch me crawl
a tiny hole in my heart begins to tear bringing back minutes, moments and memories of dispair. There were times I had nowhere to go and still you left me there […]
im a 24 year old college student and I think about killing myself a lot and I don’t want to think about that but i cant help it. I can honestly say with each day that goes by my will to live is less, and I think about killing myself more. I think about it a lot, especially right after I wake up and right before I fall asleep, but now recently these thoughts are becoming increasingly more abundant during the day as well. im constantly depressed life seems to be meaningless, hopeless, and even worst I feel so damn empty. I have zero motivation […]
Sometimes I just sit in class and wish so many things. I hate going to school. I wish there was no such thing. I wish I was born when school seemed so much easier. I wish I had a tree that grew money. I wish my hair would stop falling and thinning. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn’t dumb. I wish I had nothing to regret. I wish I had all my pets. I wish all the worthless and horrible people would die. I wish I had a walk-in closet filled with clothes. I wish I had […]
Well where do I start. I havent been on here for a while, mainly because I dont have a computer or for that matter much of anything in life. I just had a lot on my mind today and had to reach out to someone who could understand. Haha I just decided to quit smoking today too but just like everyother time I try to quit some bullshit is popping up and it drives at my fucking skin. anyways this might be a long story but like i said I havent been on here for a while and actualy I thought I was seeing a […]