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Solace
day 7487 survived
Tag:
Sleep
1. So recently a girl who I saw at school for five months was killed… We hadn’t spoken in eight months…. I don’t know what to do. She was so bright and when ever I was around her I felt like it was okay to be myself because she was so accepting of me. Unlike other people in my past. But now she’s gone and I don’t know what to do. She was so beautiful and so amazing. I miss her so much and all I can say is heaven gained a beautiful angel that will be missed dearly.
2. I FREAKING RELAPSED! I hate […]
am i the only one who felt worse once someone told me i had severe depression?
am i the only one who stays up late thinking because sleeping will mean its closer in waking up?
i know a lot of people are feeling how i am, or worse, i just cant stop crying or feeling the way i do. i wont to change, i want to be reborn so i can take away these scares that i’ve been told im weak over. i want to start over, new body, new everything. i want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.
I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]
I like sleep a lot! What 16 year old doesn’t. I just have been having trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep. It is killing me everyday because even getting out of bed is becoming exhausting. I am so stressed out and beginning to start giving up. I just want to be able to sleep. It’s slowly killing me inside.
I really don’t ask for a lot out of life. I mean I’ve wished for a lot of things, sure, and who hasn’t? I know that I don’t need a lot of luxuries in life.  But is it really too much to ask for a little stability in my life? All I want to be able to do is go to sleep at night without being anxious about where I’ll end up sleeping and if I’ll eat tomorrow. It’s the reason I ended up suicidal in the first place. Not the self-esteem issues, not the loneliness, not any failed relationship, not school, not work. Hell, […]
I do not even care anymore. I is not carin about grammar right now. I remember I was at school about a month ago wen my sis and her friend came up to me and said rude things about me and my boy friend. I was sad. I ran home and cryed. my boyfriend was sad too. he tried to comfort me but he don’t know how much I hurt on the inside. of course I aint got no guts for suicide but it still hurts. I am in pain. there Is not light when yu have depression. and don’t you get sick of people […]
In a perfect world, I would no longer be here.
There is no purpose.
There is no reason….
and every breath is just to pass time.
and smiles are actually tears….
Would it really be suicide if I never existed?
Every night, I sit on the ledge of the rooftop
and I look below at the 10 storeys between me and paradise.
a trip down to heaven.
From up there even though the stars are shining I cannot see them.
I just want to disappear.
I’m tired of living.
Save me…because I’m not going to save myself.
am I the only one who has that feeling of taking your life for no reason at all. Well I have that feeling days when you just look in the mirror and say why am I here who am I. That moment when your mom looks at you and says I wish you weren’t born and you think to yourself I wish I wasn’t born too. You go to school joke around smile when with your friends but in your head your like when can I go when will death visit me. Telling someone you just want to die but they just look at you […]
“See you on the other side” A letter to my brother, Nathan Riggs
by Joel Riggs
written by Joel Riggs
Nathan,
I was really upset when you decided to take your own life back on June 23, 2002 and still think of it almost every day. I know you must have been going through some rough times but I really wish you would have contacted one of us (your family)for support. We had our share of fights growing up that I thought I would never forgive you for. As I sit here today writing this letter I can honestly say that I forgive you. There are so many things that I held onto over the years, maybe I could have learned to get over them and […]
how can i love you,
why do i care,
how was i not aware,
you were going to leave me at my worst,
to turn my life into death,
leave me screaming in despair,
i trusted you to always be here,
through thick and thin,
you put my life in the wrong spin,
when you left i picked up my knife,
i thought i was an ex cutter,
but i guess i was wrong,
i must have been fooled […]
I hate pretending like I’m okay when every little thing reminds me of you.
I feel like a horrible person because I’ve tried finding someone new.
I cry myself to sleep at night and I’m afraid to turn off the light…
I’m afraid that I’ll see you, I usually do…
I miss everything about you…
I miss your eyes so blue…
I miss your smile and the light in your eyes,
I miss the way we talked all night…
I miss how our hands, mine so small compared to yours, still fit perfectly together…
I miss how you seemed so excited, when you found out […]
I want you to think of something, but not just anything. About you. About you life. Ever wondered how many people around you actually care and how many are just people waiting for gossip. Or if the people you loved so very much would care if you just one day disappeared. See I recently discovered just how many people “care”. We try to hide the things we love the most, and that’s exactly what I did. For many years I had a best friend. Someone who knew everything about me and the one person I thought really cared. I chose not to see who she […]
Another small sleep night. Woke up, still dark, stare at computer, somehow forget everything. Yeah, right… I can’t even dream a little.
I also hate cloudy wheather, I feel heavier.
I think I’m going slightly mad…
I remember stuff from the past, Like at 17-19 when I was with too much tension I would just go for very long walks walking extremely fast.
One day I was just walking back and forth in my room at parent’s and I couldn’t take it. It’s all pain, it’s all pain. So sneaked out when they were asleep and roamed the dark streets.
Sometimes I walked miles to a club when a certain […]
why won’t the pain in my heart and mind  stop
why must i live in this shell and suffer the days and nights .
why does god keep me lock in this shell to suffer so much
why have i never found love in this life
how can i say good bye to my  only child without hurting her
how can i make them see that I’ve run out of time
why is it so hard to dream the dream of peace
why is it so hard to let go, all i wanted in this world is to  be loved
i am i selfish to want to end this life
. how can i […]
So, haven’t been here in a while. Partly because I felt I should try and maintain some sort of emotional distance; SP reminds me a lot of a mental landscape I know very well, but like to pretend doesn’t exist.
It might have been working. I never know until things fall down around my head.
It’s not even (not ever) anything big. Just grade averages and rankings and the stress of not knowing, because I need that scholarship but that’s not even the reason. It’s just because I care, I give everything in this course a hundred and twenty per cent and come up worse than people […]
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
hi, i am 20 years old and i’m currently studying overseas from my country. the first time i wanted to kill myself was when i was in the 4th grade (8 years old). and since then, every time i got a problem, i always thinking of suicide. i used to cut my wrist and taking sleeping pills when i was in junior high school. i have lots of problems with my family, school, and sometimes boyfriend. i just moved here 3 months ago and every night before i go to bed i always pray and ask to God what am i doing here, in this […]
I prefer not to dream. There is a peace in the dreamless oblivion that doesn’t compare to anything in the waking world. I don’t have to live, to breathe, to think, or even to be. I don’t have to do anything within the oblivion. It’s a pure nothingness. When I wake, that’s when the reasons for leaving become very clear.
To wake without prospect, without hope, where you have to struggle with even one reason to get out of bed and go about the day–it’s a living nightmare. To have nothing to look forward. To know that THIS day will be exactly the same as the […]
September 10, 2013
As this may be the last year of my life, I am posting this confession, if you will, to explain why I might commit suicide sometime between June-November of 2014. It’s way out there in mid to late 2014 and not now because I’m giving myself a last chance to succeed. I’m old now, I’ve had 3 health crises in the last 3 years, and my finances, while sufficient for the next 2 years, are not enough to carry me through a long retirement. At this point, given my health, depressed mental condition, and the odds of achieving a major financial reversal […]