Went on a tinder date. Get this text message afterwards:
Hey. I just wanted to say how great of a person you are. You have a strong personality. You take on and take over quickly. With that being said I must be honest with you. I was having a great time but it was too much too quickly. I enjoyed it but I’m afraid this sort of relationship that we’ll likely develop is something I don’t want. I’m sorry I was too chicken shit to tell you in person but you are very nice and I couldn’t bare to hurt your feelings. I hope you […]
first off, let me start off by saying my poems are eccentric, absurdist and surrealist. Sort of if Salvidor Dali, my favorite artist, was a poet. But i poems also point out social issues and truths that adds crypto-humor to them. This one is suspose to be read like a military drill.
“Plight of the Native Americans”
PUT THEM ALL IN COWBOY HATS AND TEACH EM ABOUT JEBUS
TAKE THERE LAND FOR YOUR OWN GAIN, SPREAD IT WITH DISEASES
MAKE THEM LICK THE TRAIL OF TEARS AND DESCRIBE THE TASTE IN ENGLISH
NAME ALL OF YOUR STATES AFTER THEM, ONCE THERE TRIBES ARE FINISHED
SMALLPOX, SMALLPOX
JESUS, JESUS,
SMALLPOX JESUS
The meaning behind this […]
Fuck, I hope this video brings you to tears like it did for me. I’m feeling pretty emotional right now because I’ve made it farther than I ever thought I would. Today begins my goal to train for a half marathon in September. Run this with me. Set some sort of goal for yourself with me. Whether it’s as simple as waking up a bit earlier or whatever comes to mind. Just challenge yourself. I’m going to kill this. Let’s kill it together.
I haven’t been on sp for a few weeks now. Not because I didn’t feel like I needed to; I did. I just couldn’t find the words I needed to let out. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
Admittedly, I did have a setback a few days ago… I tried to kill myself. I’d say I got to the point where one more push would have sent me over the edge, literally, but I didn’t do it. Just at that moment – by whatever sort of force of coincidence it was – I received a text from my grandma of all […]
The theme from the short lived series Enterprise. This song sort of describes my present state of mind, appropriate for where I feel my journey is headed.
It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
nothing
there I was on the beach, it was around 5:30 AM, I had been drinking, reflecting on my life and experiences, getting ready to do the deed (my shotgun was hidden in a tennis racket bag) when all of a sudden this man come’s walking on by (looked to be in his mid-thirties). I was very surprised because It was still pretty dark outside and pretty dead out with no people but we both make eye contact and say ‘Hey’. I think it’s going to end there but it doesn’t, he asks me what I’m doing all alone on the beach, and I replied with […]
Ive started hearing voices again at night, without any real cause. They whisper my name and other little things to hushed to really make out. Its still taunting though, always enough to catch my attention and startle me. I really hate it. It makes me question what reality is, whose really there…I know its all in my head but its so hard to ignore. So hard to push away.
They keep trying to get me to do things. I cant function anymore…i cant be social anymore. I hate even stepping out of the house. I dont even feel safe when i sleep. What is actual sleep […]
Starting in January, I began experiencing what I call “sinking spells.” What happens is I suddenly loose all energy, like a tire going flat or a balloon suddenly deflating. I have to lay down and sometimes sleep for a couple of hours. I’ve checked my blood pressure when these attacks occur and it’s a bit low. When I awaken, it’s good. My cardiologist has suggested having a defibrillator implanted in case my heart suddenly stops. That’s just NOT gonna happen.
Yesterday evening, around 11pm, it happened again. I wasn’t sleepy when this happened…..insomnia…..well I quickly passed out in bed (not the same thing as drifting off […]
It’s been quite some time since I last posted here. Life was difficult (and in many ways still is) when I was a regular contributor. A quick recap: chronic pain/back injury, constant struggle to get necessary medications to manage said pain to maintain something akin to a “normal” life, got destroyed in the housing market collapse – lost two houses, and child support enforcement that seems to think I a gazillionaire when I can barely afford to eat – never mind that all “children” are adults.
There’s a plethora of other smaller issues that contribute, and some of those listed above – particularly the child support […]
im feeling really crap. small, petty comments upset me yesterday and now I have become self aware of a suicide method that has been at my disposal for the last 13 years. pain free too, I am a bit bothered by the fact that the medicine that keeps me alive can also take it away. I hope to not get into a position where I even think of using it. I need some sort of help to keep my mind busy. sitting in this stupid house gets my mind wandering
I can barely name these bizarre emotions I get. You could call it numbness mixed with lifted awareness. Like I’m not really here, but somewhere else. It happens to me quite often, these “detachments”. When these occur, my memory tend to get worse. I can’t remember what happened when, and I get confused easily.
I feel like I’m riding this crazy train of thoughts that will eventually take me to hell. Oh I think about many different things, not all are bad, but I get lost in the montage of feelings. I know how to make this stop. Sleeping usually does the trick. But temporary stopping […]
It’s been a long time since my last post here. I like to think of that as positive improvement, yet for some reason, during my breakdown today, coming here was the only thing that made the tears stop flowing.
I’ve been feeling a great deal of pressure lately. My sister has been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now. The past 2 years to my knowledge. This year it got really bad. She stopped going to choral practice and missed a lot of her senior year. She simply stopped doing anything that used to matter to her. So I convinced my parents to send […]
Blame xirzio for this shot. Sorry guys.
I feel sort of spent tonight. I’m making progress, but it never seems to be enough. Nothing can make me forget. These things that are running through my head nonstop.. They’re eating me alive. Before long, I’ll be a skeleton on the floor of the mansion that I used to call my life. When did it go so wrong? There has to be more to life than this […]
If your journey has brought you to a place where you believe in “nothing” then just live in the reality of, what is for you, Truth. You are young and have a long way to journey yet. Just be the best person you can be and try not to impose your non-belief on others. Don’t mock, don’t judge. Because if Atheism is what you’ profess to believe in, then that is your religion…..it’s a belief system that professes a non-belief, but it’s a belief system none the less.
My own personal opinion about the labels of belief and unbelief is that they inflict a sort of […]
I am sick and tired of it all.
The only thing that is sort of positive is that I’ve been organizing and getting rid of junk that has accumulated over my lifetime.
I pulled out the pictures of me, but I got rid of school yearbooks. Some I torched, some I put in the trash. Didn’t even bother recycling them.
I have a bible, still kept it in a box with a bunch of other books, but I don’t really give it much weight anymore. I’ll probably get rid of it in a couple of days as part of the whole process.
There are some things that are still […]
What happened to people spending their day on this website. It seems like this place died out quite a bit. This is my first time back in a few years, well last night was. Where is the traffic? Where are the people with biting judgements; the people with strict how to’s on getting better; the people ranting about non-events in their life?
I enjoyed reading the dramatic, and sometimes helpful, banter here. It was a good way to spend a Saturday, perhaps I shall move along, there are too many tumbleweeds in these parts. This site was a good place with little rules, which allowed you […]
Lately I’ve been slowly hating myself and wishing harm on myself less and more so moving those feelings and urges towards others. I have PTSD, which causes anxiety at times and just the other day a couple people pointed out my anxiety and how it makes me seem like a timid, pathetic little thing. Let me tell you something. If you grew up with an alcoholic father who abused you physically and mentally while your other family members turned a blind eye (no matter how many times you stuck up for them when they were being abused)… if you were raped when you were only […]
Hello all. Thank you for listening to me. I just need to get it all out.
I consider myself a lucky man. I’m 20 years old, attending college, with good job prospects ahead of me. I have amazing friends and the best mother and sister a guy could ask for. I like to think that I am a handsome, funny, bright dude-without sounding arrogant or supercilious I believe I have a lot going for me.
I am not particularly unhappy. I just do not want to live anymore. I don’t see the point, quite frankly.
I go to school. Why? To get a good job. Why? To make […]
Okay, so this divorce thing has been dragging on for a year. It’s not what I wanted. Sure I could have been a better husband, but that doesn’t really matter now. Have a court appearance next week, hopefully that will resolve the thing once and for all. Visiting with our son tomorrow, I have to try really hard not to talk to him about her. But really the big thing is we’re not getting back together. So I’ve been laying around mostly feeling sorry for myself. I think it’s time to get up off my ass and start trying to build some sort of new […]