i don’t know where it all started i got so angry and so upset that i had an urge like no other i could never seem to bring myself to inflict harm on someone else so i started cutting. oh my gosh at the instant relief you get so i just kept doing it again and again and again. my first time was with a tack cause i was 14 and did have anything else at the time. then i got older got a pocket knife never cut directly over the wrists i did want to really kill myself just wanted the pain to go […]
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Well, it’s been a while since I was last here. I think my last post was a video of me briefly rambling about dark shit. Some of you may also remember me as Buscetti or whatever, but I’m doing a name change.
I’d like to start a new YouTube channel to occasionally post mostly about the stuff you’re all probably familiar with…depression, anxiety, self harm, abuse, PTSD…bla bla bla. I apologize for not showing my face, but when I start talking about things more in depth, especially the abuse part…I’d like to stay as anonymous as possible. I’ll be honest I’ve been really struggling with suicidal thoughts again and […]
I’m depressed. Wouldn’t be here writing this if I wasn’t. I come looking for answers knowing that there really are none. I don’t even know where to start. Things have gotten so messed up. Situations change but in reality we are stuck. We can try to change who we are inside, we can try and mask our pain but in the end it is still there. Honestly I’m just typing this as I go with no plan in mind. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Being different sucks. People don’t seem to understand me and because I’m different people want to protect me. […]
I had this friend who knew from the start that I was having suicidal thoughts, and now that I think about it he didn’t do anything, didn’t tell a teacher or parent. We were dating and then he found out that I was having suicidal thoughts and he broke up with me, he said when I got better we would go out again, so I lied and said I got better, nothing happend. I was talking to him today and told him that I told my parents I wanted to kill myself and he basically called me selfish and said there are people out there […]
Like in the title of this post I have been seeing things All day. Not like a zombie standing in the kitchen or a ghost in my room, just weird little stuff. I watch my sisters during the day, and my youngest she’s 7 months, was still asleep in her crib so I was cleaning the room and I kid you not, I saw her laying face down on the floor in front of me. So of course I dropped what I was doing and went to go pick her up, only to realize it was a stuffed animal that looked NOTHING like a baby. […]
My posting on here has grown more frequent. So I apologize about that.
This post is pointless, I’m alone, lost and scarred. (Not afraid, scarred as in scar, for any grammar nazis out there, and I know your here haha).
So I’m going to sit back here, and sip on some wine and play the piano to the tune of my misery. Moonlight sonata, the only song I can play start to finish, I really should find the time and learn some more songs, hmm I might do that actually. Let me get a buzz first.
Nothing like Chopin to play my sorrows out to my hearts content. […]
I am 16 and I am introverted, I have social anxiety and I’m suicidal. Just this month I tried to kill myself two times, and in one of them I almost succeed. I had no friends and now I am giving all of me to make some, but at the end of the school year I feel even more alone than before. I am exhaust, sick of everything and alone.
They only invite me if I am around them when they speak about getting out, otherwise I am totally invisible. I am annoying, boring, and nobody is happy with me around them, some times I feel that […]
Recently I’ve been getting bullied and I have been cutting.
I want to kill myself but, every time I try I just think about my family and friends and how it will reflect on them.
I don’t know what to do because I’m only 12, could anyone please give me some suggestions.
I went and saw a councillor and I have told my mum but, to be honest it hasn’t made any difference.
I also reported the guy to the school but, still no different.
It all started by him going out with me then dumping me for someone else. Then one of his best […]
I don’t think I ever said exactly what it was that landed me back here– don’t worry, for once I’ll be brief. There isn’t much to say.
Last year was quite frankly the worst period of time I’ve ever had to suffer through in my short, miserable life, from New Year’s day all the way through to the end of December.
This year, since its very start, has been nothing short of completely calm.
Nothing terrible has happened.
Nothing new. Nothing even especially distressing.
And yet here I am.
Still.
I can’t recall having ever hated myself or my existence among the living as much as I do currently, and this […]
I’m 27 years old, and at the age of 25, I was living the dream. Great career, awesome woman, finances in check, nice car, and nice house. Life for me was starting to settle down. Life took a turn around when I was betrayed by the love of my life. In the span of two years and up to this day, I am sitting with zero dollars to my name. I lost my career due to tardiness, as I couldn’t sleep due to the devastation that took over my mind after the betrayal. Because of that, I lost my car, and my house. Only option […]
I’m not perfect I’ll admit, there are a lot of things I need to change like my depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm to start. I’ve already committed myself to changing but nobody trust me to do it on my own. Although therapy and medicine work for some people it terrifies me, mostly the drugs.
To me its petrifying to think that one pill a day can control my mind. Its changes the chemical levels to “balance” you out which changes the way you think. It might make you happier but at what cost. All of your originality and creativity is gone. Everything you though is different. […]
How many times do we have to feel grief, fear, hatred, jealousy and everything else put together do we people have to go through? How many times do you sit there and feel dead inside when someone is constantly bringing you down. I have a boyfriend and he can sit there and call me beautiful and say he loves me but I don’t feel it. I feel used, I hate it knowing that he always prefers to watch beautiful blond perfect body’s fuck themselves but won’t touch me. Unless he feels so hard that he needs a vagina to get him off.
I almost jumped off […]
Hello. Idk where to start. I’ll make it short. So,long story short. I have extreme social anxiety/phobia. The worst thing is I get so sweaty whenever a girl passes by lol. I haven’t talked to a female until today more than just few seconds. I believe this is the only thing keeping me behind in everything because I don’t usually get anxiety attacks when I’m out around males.
So, I was thinking to get a female genuine true friend online who might’ve social anxiety or whatever it would be,whether depression or something else, So we could help each other in a two way street. Give […]
I’m choking on the familiar cold in the air.. My lungs are beginning to shrink with every new breath I take.. I feel the tingling of the frost beginning in my fingers.. And I’m afraid.. Something I know so much of.., yet not enough knowledge could jump start my mind into the painful realization that I’m drowning.. Drowning in the sea and sun.. The water is suffocating but I see nothing but ice above me.. Preventing me from taking another fresh breath of a beautiful nothing called air.. And at that moment I begin to sink.. But I know the sun will melt the ice […]
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I get so upset over everything these days, when I’m at school I nearly start crying, I’ve been going home from school and haven’t been staying the whole day because I don’t feel like I belong. my best friend has just became my friend now because she’s started hanging out with a new girl and it doesn’t feel right. I just feel so alone and like I have no one.
My job is going under, so I’m out of a job. I’m homeless already and can’t pay to stay anywhere now. I’m disabled too but they say I’m perfectly fine so that I can’t so much as get a disabled bus pass. I have been promised full time with benefits for the last 8 months and now they are going out of business. And my love is begging for a place to stay too, and I had hoped so much to be able to get my own place so he could stay with me. I know he’ll never be mine and now what can I […]
I’ve had an okay life, better than some worse than others I guess. Thirteen years of confusion, pain, anxiety, love, depression, loneliness, among many other emotions. Even from the start though I never saw the point in living, my first thought of suicide at the age of four; they weren’t too serious though, I was just wondering I guess. After that I didn’t really think much about suicide for a few years (I’m pretty sure), the next time was probably just occasionally during grades 4, 5 and 6 when I was getting bullied by people at school and persistently beaten up by my brother when […]
It’s weird I usually never even leave my house and when I do and when I get to see people that I used to know I feel so useless. I really didn’t want to go to this family event today but I thought that someone who I actually care about was going to be there. 12 hours wasted. I even got offered a beer and if my mother wasn’t standing right there I would have fucking accepted because I was so stressed out just by being there. I kept to myself and tried not to say much because I had nothing useful to say. I […]
I began to cut again . Six fucking months clean . I didn’t realize how much better it makes me feel. What led me to start again, well the numbness I feel inside, I want to feel something. I fucking hate it here and the constant reminder of how I am no good or that I Should kill myself. My friends always say they will there for me but when I need them where are they to be found ? So that is why i say fuck everyone and fuck and fuck what people think, i don’t want to hear it, I am sick and […]
i never want to sleep again whenever i do i wake up and feel like im a pos at least when ive been awake too long and start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation i no longer care that life is a joke seems like my most suicidal moments are in the first 12 or so hours after sleep really wish there was a drug free way to sleep even less than i do now it would be really nice to just not wake up