Let me start off by saying that I am only 16 years old and currently in the 11th grade. I have been going through severe depression for about a few years now and everyday is a struggle for me. When I open my eyes the next morning knowing that I have to get up and start another day of this pointless life that I live. I have been going to the same school for eight years and as the years passed by and we all got older I still ended up having no friends and only having acquaintances and being used all the time for […]
When you feel alone.
Those are the moments when your demons take over your mind.
In those moments suicidal thoughts start circling around your head.
Trying to trick you into playing the game.
A game that once you start playing you won’t be able to quit.
And the only way you’ll get out is being dead.
Because in the end that’s what the demons want from you.
To die and never come back.
Because if we come back they will haunt us again and again nonstop.
Because they want to get rid of us.
After all, that’s what demons do for a living.
I told myself I wasn’t going to post here until I started my short story, but I found an old journal of mine and felt like I should post anyway. I was flipping through it and I was kind of startled at how much I wanted to die. Not because I’m better, but because I have made absolutely no progress. If anything, I’ve gotten worse. I’m more isolated now. I feel things less. I’ve lost any bit of hope I had before.
Damn, usually when I see these types of things, people always say how much better they are, and I’m jealous. I don’t want to […]
it’s the worst when your problem isn’t from your mind but it exists in front of you and changes your mind. not much i can do to change it without killing myself. i could wait though and see what happens. sucks to know that you’d be better off dead because there’s nothing worth living for except for being hopeless. i’m probably lucky that i got depressed right at the start of summer vacation, that takes some things off my mind. maybe being depressed wont be as bad as the last time. not sure what i need now to get out of this, already talked with […]
I don’t know. I have a lot of problems with myself. When it comes to self-esteem I suck. Oh you see a pretty outfit? Oh wait you’re too fat for it. Oh that guy’s cute? Oh, he picked the prettiest girl.
When I was younger I didn’t care what people said about me because I was happy being myself. About a yer ago all that changed. I saw how people dressed and I thought that I should start dressing like that. You know, just to look pretty and fit in. I started changing my style. Getting ‘better clothes’, ‘better shoes’. I wanted to be accepted. Then […]
I’ve been extremely depressed for 4 years now (basically my entire teenage life) and have yet to seek any medical attention, like an idiot. So out of curiosity, how long have you been depressed, when did you start getting therapy and how has it been so far? Will be looking forward to every response. I am extremely depressed and closed to the edge but I doubt anything will truly help me.
I don’t even know if I like being alone or not. Sometimes I want a friend, but other times I remember how impossible that is for me. Maybe I just want someone to talk to. That’s probably why I’m posting on this site, anyway. I don’t like feeling alone. I know that much about myself. I kind of feel like I’m walking on my own plane of existence, and nobody else can even see me. Like my world and the world everyone else lives in overlaps like a one-way mirror. I can see everyone else and know they’re there, but they can’t do that for me.
Whatever, […]
Well I’ll start off with when it all started, about 5 years ago. I made the worst desicion of my life and I will still never tell anyone what happened. I got bullyed at school for years every single day. Nobody would give me a break. I regretted what I had done and everyday people treated me bad. I felt worthless. I stopped caring about everything because nobody cared about me. Only one of my cousins did. I started robbing houses, shoplifting etc. I would smoke weed and just get up to michief with my friends. I started getting in heaps of trouble with the […]
Sigh. It’s been a year since I first started being depressed…it’s only been 3 weeks after my attempt to commit suicide…no one seems to understand why I’m like this…yes I made a lot of mistakes…yes I screwed up a lot…what hurts most is that everytime I’m depressed or going through a bad episode and start to cut myself people say I do it for attention…and every time I pretend to be okay people hate me I feel like there’s no rreason me to be here if being depressed and pretending to be okay will hurt me so much. Things are never going to be better […]
Sweet love that I held so close
The hand I held and needed most
The lips I kissed so many times
Oh love never were you mine
For a split second you let me believe
That I had you back and you’d never leave
I guess I was just the easiest to convince
But I haven’t stopped hurting since..
Oh love I know I’m easy to forget
But I’m so sure you were ‘it’
That person for whom I would give my life
But instead […]
I don’t know anymore. I’m not the person I used to be. I’m someone completely different. Now I just wanna be alone. I get panic attacks. I have really bad social anxiety. It is true what they say, you don’t know what you have until its gone. When I was 9 my mom died and everything just changed. I didn’t even go to her funeral. Slowly this emptiness started growing inside of me. I became kinda lonely and just really sad. There are times when I can’t handle it anymore and just get so sad that I just start thinking about suicide. Honestly, I believe […]
Everything blurs past in a haze. I’m not thinking straight, I’m barely thinking at all. Tears come to my eyes at the strangest of times. These rushes of sadness and loneliness are almost unbearable. When people ask why I’m crying I can’t explain, they’d never understand even if I could explain. People simply assume I’m looking for attention which of course I’m not and of course it also leads me into a deeper darker place. This is the point where the suicidal thoughts start to take over. I walk to a quiet place away from everyone. I smoke, but it’s not enough. That’s when I […]
I know why I chose him, why I loved him so much more than myself. He was everything I wanted, because he was everything I wasn’t. Then I realized that I didn’t want to be like him and I didn’t want him anymore. I spent more than half my life trying to figure out a way to end it. Now that I am 24 and have been through things I still can’t believe I survived I appreciate life. I fear death and I hate myself every time I waste a second or a minute feeling negative or depressed because it’s a minute of my life […]
I have to get out of this state. I need a fresh start. I need something new. Something stable. I want to find love again and I’m not going to find that if I’m misserable. I need to love myself before I can love anyone else and I’m trying so hard to make that happen. I Have to find a way to support myself before I can leave. That’s the fun part. Right? Wrong. Getting a job in a new state isn’t easy. But I have to. I need this. Am I wrong for moving so far away from my mom after all she’s done […]
Time from a, burning flame
Got to start ’cause it won’t
Out of the, for the last
My Mother, through the vast space
Became my God-Mother
I love you forever, and I’m coming
Tonight, inside the congregation
This calling of befallen
That I do not know how to say
Through this balance of equilibrium
Echoes through what I
Enclosed never there somewhere
The binary
Oh man . . .
They both were, and they both wanted to
My new homies that I just made but now it’s
Mecton, I don’t know what the
But this push to give me of a stride
I’m going where I need […]
Okay, so this divorce thing has been dragging on for a year. It’s not what I wanted. Sure I could have been a better husband, but that doesn’t really matter now. Have a court appearance next week, hopefully that will resolve the thing once and for all. Visiting with our son tomorrow, I have to try really hard not to talk to him about her. But really the big thing is we’re not getting back together. So I’ve been laying around mostly feeling sorry for myself. I think it’s time to get up off my ass and start trying to build some sort of new […]
ive been having couple of recurring dreams in one theres a strand of hair/string in my mouth when i try pulling it out it is in my throat i continue pulling and can feel that it is wrapped around something in my stomach the dream varies from there sometime i get it out safely sometimes i pull something out with it but every time i can feel it coming up it feels like i might rip my throat/stomach out in another one i have a mouth full of rocks and at first i try spitting them out and although they are coming out my mouth […]
I wish there was this magic pill out there. Actually, it really doesn’t even have to be a pill. It could be any form. Solution, injection, whatever.
This is how it would work: Once you take it, there is no turning back. No one and nothing can reverse it.
The first 15 minutes you are fine. Gives you time to write a last minute note, record a video, make a phone call, whatever it is you want to do.
At 15 minutes you rapidly start to feel sleepy. You have to lie down. Your speech becomes labored and slurred. Your thoughts are muddled.
At 30 minutes you are completely […]
Let me start by saying that overall I had a good childhood I alone am to blame for my current situation. My parents were very strict on me when I was young and my father in particular wanted me to play football. He always was disappointed in me. He never thought I was man enough calling me names and cursing at me even though I tried so hard.
My younger brother was his favorite and he did nothing to earn it. He never had to toughen up or try out for football or any of that stuff. My father loved him unconditionally.
Fast forward about ten years […]
Hi all i may start up a website i want to move on in life. I’m male 31 and a little schizophrenic when i was young my ex mrs said i should have been a model ive put on some weight not heaps though and not too ugly. This aint a dating website but i want kids its hard to work with my illness though im pretty talented. Im still currently married but want to start my life again. And that can change i dont care if you have an illness i can support that. Just dont want to waste my life all alone. Im […]