be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
Tag:
Stomach
Mentally…
I’ve never been worse.
I want to die so bad.
I can barely think.
I don’t think I have any connections left.
I don’t feel like typing anymore.
No one cares anyways.
Physically…
I’m exhausted.
I left bed twice today.
I collapsed on the bathroom floor and fell asleep (20ft/6m from my room at most) because I didn’t have enough energy to get back to bed.
I can’t support weight with my left foot, so I’m using crutches.
I haven’t eaten all day. My stomach feels like shit.
My temperature was 102F/38.9C.
My head hurts so bad.
I’m dehydrated.
So… Why not?
I’ll microwave some chlorhexidine gluconate and then dissolve about 30 tablets of efferdent into it and drink.
Everyone always says that high schools bad. That people being mean is just a part of life. But why. I mean what have i done to you to make you hate me and say those awful things. Did you not notice the scares plastering my arms, legs and stomach in gym class. Did you not relize that i left for several months at a time. Did you notice anything.
What would you do if your mother who would push you down stairs throw water cups at you, had men come in a sexualy abuse you, then when you finaly are taken away from her and move to your […]
So, I went for a hike today after work and found this spot, its so beautiful. I think that had I had the freedom I would have jumped. But there is still some busness for me to finsih before I am able. There is some family debt I want to clear, some things I need to make sure are to the proper owners and I need to file my tax’s so that my family can have the funds. 🙂 But all in all my plan is going great so much.
One month
Two days
Then the pain is over.
How could it be
This land of make believe
I’m a girl, a teen, and I’ve been considering suicide for the last 5 months. I live with my mother, only child, never met my father. I wouldn’t say we’re poor, but we don’t have things like typical families have, car, house, etc. We live in a apartment with 1 bedroom and living room, kitchen and bathroom. I have about 7 different things I can wear. I don’t own anything special.
Ever since I was 6 years old I’ve been very smart, and I’ve been praised for it. My mother got together with a man when I was 5, so we moved somewhere so that we […]
So I’ve started with medication since thursday. I take Rubió (better known as Ritalin or methylphenidate/MPH/MPD) 5mg twice a day (at 8.30 am and at 12.30 pm) always after my meal. But since thursday I feel really sick. My stomach hurts (not my belly, but my tummy) and my intestine also, it feels like it’s kind of restless. I also feel the whole time like I have to vomit. I only eat my breakfast and lunch and dinner, and take my medication after my meals. I have a very bad headache and I’m scared that I can pass out every minute. Does anybody here have […]
Sometimes life can get pretty exhausting. And yes, that is an understatement. My stack of homework pushed aside for the moment, I try to relax.
The only light in my room is my lamp from my desk, which creates a low yellow glow. The only sounds are the hum of my computer, the typing of the keys, and my cat cleaning herself. In this quiet environment, she can be a racket. Especially when she purrs. I normally bring her with me when I need the comfort. I just want to feel wanted tonight, even if it’s only coming from a cat.
Her purr sounds like kernels popping, vibrating […]
My name is Luke, and I want to share my suicide experience with you, for any chance of reading and really making you think about the decisions you are about to make.
Before I begin, remember that I do not know you, and it is your choice and yours only to take your life. It is a natural feeling to feel like this, and don’t let people tell you otherwise…they’re either in a shock state or they’ve missed a dose of their anxiety pills.
Anyways, now to start…
I had just started senior year, I was 17, had the girl of my dreams, was playing in a band, […]
Is it bad.. that i still fight for control.. after getting stiches twice from cutting “to deep” the first time i hit my tenton, about a year ago.. i couldnt even move my left hand .. i didnt say anything for 3 weeks.. and the cut was still open.. i was in an intesive outpaitent center and finally they convinced me to tell my dad shall the doctor and they kinda i guess glued/burned it shut.. worse exspirence ever. Not stiches but you get the point..
The second time was about a month ago.. with the box of razors my x gave me i sliced at […]
Just called a suicide hotline.. they guy i talked to .. he just kept saying uh well you need to look at it from a better point of view.
I lost my 2nd oldest brother cause my oldest brother raped me! and you exspect me to look on the bright side. I look at his facebook everyday, hoping to get to know him. I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN BROTHER. And i hate it.. i hate it so badly. I only found out last week he’s graduated highschool.. i never knew.. i didnt know..
I miss him so badly, we would stay up reading the hungry catapillar, […]
i kind of feel like nothing. you know?
as in. i feel empty, literally.
like i have no stomach, or liver, or kidneys, or lungs just nothing. i feel nothing. im just an outline of a figure holding a sad soul, that has already died.
the only thing i know exists is my brain, because the voices are haunting it.
my feelings are gone. i thought i felt numb before, and would occasionally notice a feeling, of somewhat happiness that would last mere seconds.
but now. it’s like i don’t even recognise emotion.
i ‘smile’.
it feels like any other movement.
it doesn’t hold any true feeling of happiness. nothing. […]
It’s been a rough couple of days… I’m sorry for all who are suffering I fight with this pressure in my head even as I’m trying to put it all behind me… I did manage to find some help… I’m glad i held on long enough… I will be more careful to not drain myself providing for another who is incapable of providing in return… It’s a rough lesson to learn when its family member or a loved one… I need time away from them and now that I’ve had some help I’ll be okay…
9:43pm
Sitting here remaining positive that I won’t allow that to happen […]
I have thought about this for so long now. Why should I complain about wanting to die? I have a pretty good home life, an amazing boyfriend, supportive friends, even a good life going for me.
But there’s this tiny side of me that scares me.
I have my parents bitting at each others throats, jerks who wantto talk trash about my boyfriend, friends who abuse my feelings, and all these bad traits I see in myself.
Who said life is perfect? Why do I have the right to want to die?
I do though.
I really Do.
I have lied to so many […]
This isn’t my first post here…But whenever I post something on this site, I feel like how I constantly feel when I do something like this in the real world – that I’m saying things that no-one wants to listen to, bothering people with my problems when nobody gives a damn. It’s been that way for a long time. Whenever I vent and rant, people just never cared. All they wanted me to do was to shut up and get on with my life, without giving a damn about what my problems were. That, mixed with the near-physical discomfort I feel when I cause someone […]
When I was 7 y.o.,I am 45 now,a deer in a full sprint almost ran me over during a walk I took along a path during a family reunion in a Pennsylvania park.I could feel the course hair rub up against my stomach.So close to death,but not near enough so that I would of had the “eternal bliss’ that would of been  given me.When  I was an evangelical christian ,I thought that God had a special purpose for my life because of this incident.What a foolish thing to believe on my part.I wish that I was 2 more inches ahead so that deer would of wasted […]
hi everyone, for the past month ive been in hospital. you may of read the other posts but if you didnt then ill explain, when i tried to commit suicide my mum found me and i was only just concious, i told her to write on here and say sorry to all of you wonderful people. the things i did to try make this work was, poison, overdose and cutting my wrists and it would of worked if mym mother didnt come in my room. i left her and my family a letter explaining further details of this website and told her it was important. […]
When we feel love or something like that for someone, we learn to suffer and hate like that person.We feel what they feel and sometimes we feel more. My cousin, my sister, we’re all scapegoats in this family. I am the little rude *****, my cousin Laura is a stupid satanic slut with a shitty life because of her black painted nails. And Layla, oh, the poor  little fat girl. She’s the destroyer and the devil, the sinner who ended our relative peace, because she tented grampa to sin and we all know he is a great man of God and that she is the […]
Well, for starters i need to tell you i’m mexican. So my english may not be always great. When i was a kid i was a very spoiled girl, mostly i remember… (Or all of it) by my dad. He used to be my heroe. Literaly. This memories are just like a bomb in my head they come one after another in so much disorder that i cannot express them well. My parents used to fight always. There was screaming, throwing things, door slams, car persecutions, cheaters investigation, sarcasm about my dad in every adult convertation… My mom started to unload all of her trouble […]
I’m having a tough time reconciling much of anything: the numbness I feel, the suffering inflicted on me and others, the deep, penetrating emptiness I feel… It’s existentialist really; I simply can’t find an explanation for the absurdity of this mockery of a life, this incessant suffering that undercuts whatever joy I have left, or, rather, had.
I was kicked out of the house by my dad a year ago after I got into it with him over his alcoholism and my apparent laziness and moved in with my mom and stepdad; however, I left home to live on my school’s campus (it’s a boarding/day school) […]
Tomorrow is so close, yet it seems to take an eternity to arrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve decided to kill myself. I feel at a general ease with that knowledge, and my brain tells me I should be horrified with the looming prospect of my demise. Screw that, I done being afraid, I’ve had near constant head and stomach aches all week, but now they’re gone. I’m not going to take my meds tomorrow because I didn’t today, no more point anymore. I suspect I will be more anxious and sick tomorrow night, but oh well. I’ll get home, masturbate one last time, then […]