So I’ve been fighting through terrible depression for a lot of years. I was in an abusive relationship for over a decade where my insecurities anxieties and depression were used to keep me blind and dumb. All my friends have moved or disappeared. I was not raised to communicate or express myself properly.
All of this has lead to me just spending my days wishing I could die. Apparently this would upset too many people.
My question is why can’t I? Why can’t I have what I want? I just want peace. I don’t feel like a real person anymore and I just want to […]
Tag:
stop
Now I’m gonna have that song in my head. I don’t want to die. I just … don’t want to live, either. Can you commit suicide by apathy? What if I just stop taking my meds, stop eating, stop drinking, stop doing anything other than lay in my bed and stare at the wall and remind myself that I’m a cold-hearted monster that breaks everything, that can’t really love, and that no one will ever love back? I hope my cats wait until I’m dead to start nibbling at my body for survival, but, well, c’est la vie. It’s […]
But I’m so messed up I can’t even let people help me. It’s times like these when I’m sat in my room alone crying and wanting to scream and just get out of this horrible mind of mine when I actually start thinking I need help. I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what’s wrong, and how to make this stop. But I can’t. Nearly a year ago I had a counsellor at school for 5 months. For 5 months I didn’t say anything. I felt trapped. When she would ask me questions I’d sit there like an idiot staring at the desk. I […]
So there was this guy. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s been on my mind for almost a year. He isn’t just any guy though. He’s an adult. He was there for me when I needed him. He’s my ex best friends step dad. She told him what was going on with me. He stayed up talking to me and he got me drunk.. I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have drank. Things got awkward and semi sexual. I admit that that was wrong as well. But a part of me liked it. A part of me felt important. A part […]
I have shared with a few closer friends that I intended on ending my life recently, and of course they all wanted to stop me. I am struggling daily with the decision, but what I have found astounding from people is that when I try to find some way to do something positive, or productive with them (in order to move life forward and not think about suicide), they don’t show much interest at all. If I mention suicide, they are concerned for a while and ask what they can do. However, when it comes time to follow through… in fact a few seem to […]
Is it weird that I don’t want to stop cutting? Like it’s been a part of me for four years. When I tried to throw my razors away I literally cried. I feel as if I deserve everything I do to myself. Like cutting isn’t a cry for help or a cry for attention. Cutting is just a coping method or a punishment in a way. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so confusing and ughhhhh.
Has anybody seen the movie Winter’s Tale? I just watched it last night and I’m halfway through watching it again right now. For some reason, watching that movie makes me stop wanting to die and all of my desires disappear until the only thing I really want is true love, fairytale style.
Sappy, I know, especially for a 16 year old guy, but I can’t help what I hope for. And for once, I actually don’t mind hoping for love.
i feel really shitty lately… I don’t know why i hang out with douchbags. i hate the fact that I have fake friends, judgmental parents, stressful teachers,and people who brake your heart around me.
I need to stop this.
Cutting. Not eating. Sleep deprived.
I need to snap out of it. But how?
I need your help, please help me. I need you.
I. Need. You.
I feel horrible about myself. I was very depressed before I got pregnant. It was to the point to where i was using hardcore drugs. But i knew if i wanted to be with the person I’m in love with, i had to do better. Because he’s a good boy, and he only wants the best for me. So I did, got sober, but I was still very depressed. So i started using again and hid it from him… Then I found out I was pregnant and it was very difficult to stop. I am still very depressed, and I’m worried that once my son […]
How many pills does it take to stop the human heart….
That is the question.
Do you guys ever dread going to bed, no matter how tired you might be, because you know once you get there you will be attacked by fear, sadness, loss, emptiness, and gut wrenching wailing, sobbing, the kind of crying where you don’t care if the neighbors can hear you, where the tears and snot soak your pillow, where you just can’t stop no matter how long it goes on, how hard it hurts, you’re locked in a fetal position, terrified, petrified, and lost..
Dad, I tried… I tried to stop you… I cut your noose you’ve prepared on the balcony to try to stop you from hanging yourself, then I pulled the knife from your hands 3 times, but the 4th time you managed to slit your throat… I’M SORRY! I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH! I’M SORRY I PUSHED YOU TO THE GROUND AND SWEARED AT YOU WHEN YOU TRIED TO HIT MOM, BUT I SAW NO OTHER WAY! PLEASE DON’T DIE! NOT ALONE! I AM SORRY FOR THREATENING YOU WITH THE KNIFE WHEN YOU TURNED TOO VIOLENT! PLEASE JUST DON’T DIE! I BEG YOU! :(((((((((((((((((((
FUCK I HATE THIS!!! […]
breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
Hey guys I had enough bullshit and stuff I don’t need. I have decide my suicide date. It’s on new years. But tbh I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember so I don’t need a reason to
Commit suicide, I need a reason not to if anybody cares they’ll try to stop me. If you do care message me on kik. My name is pleasedontgob. We’ll see from here
One day i just wanna stop being the girl that everyone uses as a bad example like “you can either go with her or Brianna” “Ewww naw man her ugly self “ i just want to be the girl that a guy at least looks at out of amazement and not disgust.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve lied and hurt her before, she’s lied and cheated before. We’ve separated for extended periods with no communication but always ended up together again. More than once, we’ve promised each other that we’d never leave, promised we’d always fight to stay together, promised we’d always be together. We have an 18 month old daughter together. Things have been rocky the past year because I’ve struggled with employment. Actually, the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with employment. I am a felon, so that complicates things for me but it’s not a violent or drug related offense. I’ve been […]
When my parents, friends or random people ask me about my day, all I’ll do is say “It was fine.”
It wasn’t.
Not a day passes that I don’t feel useless, hateful and sad. Not a single day.
My days are never ‘fine’. They’re far from it.
I spend every single day of mine, hurting myself and wishing it would end. It doesn’t, but wanting it is the only thing I still have strength for.
Every single day I would come home from school, throw up that little piece of beagle I ate instead of my breakfast, go to my room and lock the doors.
Every day I would take my […]
it is quiet. it is still.a moment of peace. i relish these moments as i wait for the world to awaken.alone, with my thoughts, and the treasures of yesterdays broken dreams. the fear has not overwhelmed me yet, and the pressures and demands of dailey existance have not started.how i wish the sun would stop its dayley climb ans allow me to enjoy this for more than a fleeting moment. oh well. a moment of beauty and peace in this dark place is better than none at all. ill take what i can get
This is long, if you don’t mind, but I’m sad and I tend to get all blabbery when that happens.
Lately it’s been very apparent that people don’t cut me the same slack that they would virtually anyone else (literally, from douche bags to decent people and everywhere in between–this has been tested). And because this seems to be a repeating phenomenon; where I’m given not even a second chance, I can’t help but wonder: am I really so unsavory of both character and appearance that I warrant indecency? But even that doesn’t make sense to me. People have told me I’m “hot.” People have told me that I’m “really sweet.” People […]
I can’t find a way to let go of the darkness, can’t find a way to stop hating, can’t find a way to forget. I can’t let go of the memories that have placed a mark upon my soul.
I’ve decided to accept you the way you are. Things you have lost, things you don’t have. I’ve decided to accept you, and continue to live on.
I can’t find someone to love.
God,
will I be able to get married?