What the fuck would you do when
Most friends are not as close as they should
When politics and world’s health hurts
When you’ve been brilliantly single more than idiots more than bad people deserve
I’m not depressed, I just hate the system we live in, politics and the games people play
It made me sick, I’m stuck inside myself,
Nothings changing, Watching everyone,
Every moron be happy and progress
While I dream of not waking up
While the earth is dying from millenials of greed. conversely the only thing giving me hope is the imminent apocalypse.
It’s not depression, it’s my today, it was
Tag:
stuck
It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.
You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.
You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your […]
Most of my life is dominated by fear. So why not lay it out. What’s the worst thing that I can imagine?
I suppose it’s experiencing neverending pain, torment, horror, terror etc. That’s what ideas of hell tend to invoke. It’s hard to imagine feeling that kind of extreme negative emotion non-stop, for all eternity. Surely you’d become numb to any kind of torture, given enough time. But I can’t dismiss it entirely. The idea of hell has a deep grip on a part of my psyche. Because it feels I deserve that kind of punishment. I can’t really square that with my rational side. I […]
Took a personality disorder test and these were the results. Here: http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/newpd4.pl
Paranoid
||||||||||||||||||
79%
50%
Schizoid
||||||||||||||||||
72%
40%
Schizotypal
||||||||||||||||||||||
100%
56%
Antisocial
||||||||||||||||||||
82%
46%
Borderline
||||||||||||||||||
73%
45%
Histrionic
||||||||||
33%
52%
Narcissistic
||||||||||
31%
40%
Avoidant
||||||||||||||||||||||
98%
48%
Dependent
||||||||||||||||||
76%
44%
Obsessive-Compulsive
||||||
25%
45%
Paranoid Personality Disorder – individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening; preoccupied with suspiciousness/paranoia. They are stuck between their need for others and their mistrust of others.
Schizoid Personality Disorder – individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings; emotional zombies who stopped feeling due to trauma(s) and/or can’t feel due to organic depression
Schizotypal Personality Disorder – individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world […]
Well, I managed to survive another birthday. I had this song stuck in my head all day, enjoy. (or don’t, up to you)
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
Day Three of this forum. I have got some anti-depressants also typically prescribed for people with PTSD. I think that pretty much sums up what I have. Extreme anxiety, constantly stuck in ‘Fear’ mode – fight or flight.
I’ve fought the system for a long time, I’ve been anti-medication but I am honestly grateful now hopefully for a bit of relief. I know the meds come with potential side-effects and I am already experiencing some nausea but hoping that in the long run the good outweighs the bad.
I am also going to have some counselling sessions set up for me. So let’s watch this space. For […]
I try to do all the things they say, the things that will make me “better” or make me “normal”. Those magical promised results do not come and I feel robotic and alienated. I feel stuck in a spiral of self blame. I do not have the possibility of a better future to cling to, I am not young and filled with endless potential. It seems impossible to find a community or group to fit into, I’m just too different in ways that make people consider me non human. Someone who does not have basic human desires is uncomfortable to be around. Amongst other things. I have never […]
Ya all must be sick of me. I have no one in my life to talk to. No one. I’ve since lost the one friend I did talk to because she ultimately didn’t approve of the guy I fell for being so much as alive and breathing. Yeah that pissed me off, of course. But I’m alone. And stuck with being homeless. I’d have to quit my job just to have the time to look for a place, but then I couldn’t pay for it. It’s just never going to happen. I can’t make any sense of this life, working so hard just to be […]
Fuck I feel stuck. It’s a shit feeling after escaping this town for a little while. I’m pretty confused after the NAET treatment. I’m confused in general. trying to keep my spirits up but it’s tough when you’re grieving and processing so many emotions simultaneously. Losing my twin was tough. Part of me hates her because she really fucked with my life hard. Adding tons of gender dysphoria and a sense of never being able to be me. I’m still as confused as ever about that but she did a number on me. I try to keep my head up. I know certain emotions pass […]
So I guess on this post ill tell you about something that has been wrong me for years. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 7, for about two years I was on radiation and it was hell. I puked alot, I stunted my growth, made me really skinny, and I’m small in body size and it stopped me from doing things I wanted to do. I got picked on for having cancer through my life up until now (18yrs)
Each time I think of it an how it affected me makes me cry so much because I wish I was normal. It’s even hard […]
I’ve read a lot of posts on here and it seems we all feel similarly which hurts. I feel for all of you. Its like were all stuck in a dark room with our depression and we can’t see anyway out but if we turn the lights on were not alone, we’re all here with the same issue, suicide. I can’t seem to get passed it and today was one of those days where I feel even more convinced that I should killl myself. I’ve changed from the person I was before but it doesn’t matter, I now know no matter how much good I […]
The guy I love has his life and a ton of friends. I can see how we’re not as close already. I have no one and he doesn’t understand. He honestly thinks he’s been rejected more than I have but I call bullshit because I’m rejected from every damn thing for my looks even for a place to stay! I’ve been told I don’t look human and shouldn’t be allowed outside. I literally am homeless because I’m too ugly for anyone to accept my money as payment for rent. I’m laying on the floor at work for fuck’s sake and it’s the first time I’ve […]
Sorry if the title sounds hopeful. It isn’t.
About two months ago, I made a minor attempt on my life (not particularly committed, more of a shake-up than anything) but, after a slow upwards curve after that point, my mind has returned to the well trodden trail it knows so well. I’m just miserable. It’s been something I’ve been ignoring, repressing, letting build up inside. I feel like a skimming stone, leaping in ever-descending arcs until I come to a halt (dumb metaphors, we got ’em). Every fall is harder, shaking my confidence more and more over time. Nothing works.
What am I but a leech, an […]
I am such trash. I just got out of a treatment center for the 7th time for my anorexia and you know what’s changed? Fuck nothing. In fact, I want to end my life now more than I have in then before I went. I am fine during the day because I have things to distract me but once I am alone, the creeping reality sets back in.
I am never going to get better. I took this treatment more seriously then I ever have in the past, was completely open and honest, and tried harder than ever before. But nothing has changed. I STILL want […]
I’ve been dealing with depression for the most of past 4 years (I’ve been hospitalized at 17). My girlfriend of six months just left me without a word of explanation. She’s been amazing the whole time, but there were no warnings. I don’t really believe in the concept of soulmates but I thought we were perfect for each other. I felt she was the only person to really understand me (I’m almost 21). For two weeks now, it has felt like someone stuck hundreds of shards of glass in my body and left it there. I’m not someone who often had physical pains before, but […]
It’s been a few months since ive wanted to commit suicide and been depressed and each time it happens or cycles i feel closer and more at peace with going through with it just have to be nice about it and fix my funeral expenses. When it happens i wont be mucking around i will down a few downers down some alcohol and choose my method which should be pretty peaceful.
I came to this world with lots of drive and motivation and somewhere along the line got caught up with the wrong crowed from school and got caught up in drugs and alcohol. 10 […]
I’m depressed. Wouldn’t be here writing this if I wasn’t. I come looking for answers knowing that there really are none. I don’t even know where to start. Things have gotten so messed up. Situations change but in reality we are stuck. We can try to change who we are inside, we can try and mask our pain but in the end it is still there. Honestly I’m just typing this as I go with no plan in mind. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Being different sucks. People don’t seem to understand me and because I’m different people want to protect me. […]
The sound of rain hitting the glass and pavement
Using my authority as Student Council President to scare off other students
Touching the wall after swimming 200 Fly and realising I won
Swimming the medley relay with our team – The Ultimate Team – and getting 5th in the country
Having my parents yell at me when I forget to wear slippers in the house
Dancing in the graveyard
Perfectly executing an aerial cartwheel at the ShaoLin Wushu Festival
Shaking hands with the conductor as the First Chair Flute
Doing a ‘Csardas’ duet with my boyfriend on violin and me on flute
Playing out all my frustration and sorrow on the piano and flute
Telling […]
So I’m 21 nearly and I had a girlfriend for close to 3 years.
We were perfect for each other, but as we all do we had our fights, some alot bigger then others. However about 2 and a half years in i was going to propose when we were on holiday, things didn’t go quite to plan and I never got around to it, that’s beside the point. She left me on Easter this year and has been sleeping with many others. I guess it hurts because I was her first everything, emotionally and physically, but now I’m stuck with manic depression and suicidal […]