I hate it. I fucking hate it how everybody act like everything is just peachy!!! Everything is like fucking nightmare. They don’t notice it. They don’t notice how I am not eating my food. How I am dying. They don’t notice that the smile that I show is fake. Even my parents don’t notice that I am just acting like everything is perfect. I mean they are my parents right? They should know when I am lying they should know when I am putting act.
But they don’t. They don’t notice that I am acting. Every night when I go to my bed I don’t sleep. I stopped sleeping a long time ago. I am just taking naps in the morning time. I don’t sleep at nights because I don’t wanna see another nightmare that would make me more terrified. I don’t need nightmares to make me suffer more. So, I don’t sleep I sit all night and read books and study for school with my phone’s flashlight. While my parents thinking that I am sleeping. and do you know what they told me recently? They told me that I am not reading books. They told me that I am not studying.
What the fuck? I wanted to tell them that I am studying, I am reading books every night when they sound asleep. I wanted to tell that I am fighting with my self to don’t sleep because I don’t want to be more scared.
But I didn’t told them anything. I just shrugged them and went to my room. now tell me:
WHY THEY DON’T NOTICE THAT THEIR CHILD IS DYING INSIDE? WHY DON’T THEY NOTICE THAT I AM ACTING. WHY DIDN’T THEY NOTICED THAT I AM TRYING TO DO MY BEST. WHY DO THEY STILL PUSHING ME TO MY LIMITS WHEN I CAN’T GO ANYMORE? PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY PARENTS ARE SO BLIND TO THE WORLD?