A few months ago I posted a story about my best friend who was close to the edge and how I desperately wanted to stop him doing the wrong thing because he just had so much to live for. Well a lot of time has passed and he is still alive, I actually managed to stop him – but in doing so I put all of myself into what I can only crudely refer to as a mission and I know now that I lost myself. I learnt to think like a suicidal person, seeing the triggers, the pain, the hurt, the desire to end the pain – mostly because […]
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Suicidal Person
Does anyone else often feel like they don’t matter? Like they’re alone in a crowd? Even amongst people who should be my friends, I feel like I don’t belong. Then again, I don’t think these people are real friends. Yesterday, I was at another party. Sitting there among a circle of people I know (people who are supposedly my friends), watching them talk and laugh about things that deep down I can’t truly relate to, I have never felt so alienated and disconnected. It was like I was an audience member watching a show I didn’t really enjoy or find all that funny.
It always seems […]
Has anyone played the ole “wants vs. needs” game, in therapy or elsewhere? Last year I was in a therapy group setting. Everyone got a pencil and a piece of paper. Make 2 columns for Wants and Needs, and just start listing each of our wants and needs as they came off the top of my head.
I had a few needs, like food clothing shelter and companionship. At first I couldn’t come up with any wants. So then it was time to put our pencils down. We went around the table, people were rattling off their wants and needs.
Some […]
So wait is every suicidal person a mopey 14 who’s still a virgin what the hell is so wrong with the damned world that children want to die really what in fucks name is going on with the world.
had a therapy appointment today. as long as i am still going i guess that is a good thing. my therapist mentioned how scared she would be if i was a no show to an appointment. i told her she should be scared. the pro death part of me is rather insistent. i have come to the realization that i probably will kill myself. the question is when. that i do not know. all the suicide sites say that one should be alarmed if said suicidal person suddenly seems calm or even happy. it means that a decision has been made. well that decision has […]
No one has any idea how completely suicidal I am. I know everyone out there must think I should get help. But I do not want help. I want to kill myself before anyone realizes I should get help. And now again, I know what you must think, well why would you be posting on a public forum? Well, I have just bottled up everything for so long without being able to tell a soul. All of my true feelings about everything have just been trapped inside me. I have to lie to everyone about everything all the time. It’s horrible. I literally refuse to […]
I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
This may be an odd question. Hell, even I think it’s odd. You’ve been forewarned.
I have been (and I can only assume others have as well) on this do-I-really-want-to-die-or-not kick recently. God that sounds pathetic. I go through periods of ready, willing, and able, just deciding on a good time and place then back to I don’t want to hurt those I care about before once again planning. I once went to a therapist. She said she couldn’t help until I decided if I was willing to stay alive and actively participate. Yet how does one decide that? What thought processes does one go through in […]
Contact me if you want to know one suicidal person with no reason to live anymore
written by Ishtar Goateye
Facebook : Tanja Ohlin (Ishtar Goateye)
It may be that being able to actually say what is on my mind may help. Therapy never has. Does anyone out there believe that loosing ones best friend to suicide at 19 allows one to continue to be a depressed and suicidal person at the age of 52?
Well, the title says it all.
The pain is becoming unbearable.
They say that people who try to kill themselves are “selfish” and that they don’t think about the others they’ll leave behind.
But have they ever thought how is a suicidal person really feeling?
Of course they haven’t.
The feeling inside my head is starting to become physical.
It’s sort of like nasal congestion.
When you have it, you can’t breathe.
So you either try clearing your nose, or you breathe through your mouth.
But I have the SAME FUCKING FEELING INSIDE MY HEAD!
I’m literally unable to think, speak or feel anymore.
I haven’t really talked with […]
When someone thinks about a suicidal person they think of a person who walks around sad and depressed all the time… This wasn’t me. I was the loud, confident one. The essentail “life of the party” type kid. I was a people magnet people liked to be around me… But if they knew the daily war i had with myself i wonder if things would be different… I’ve had suicide in the back of my head for a while but if you saw me in public you’d swear it was the furthest thing in my head. I found it easier to play the role of […]
im just writing down my lifestory shortly and i wont go into details.
i grew up on a farm. well i lived on a farm for 14 years. my dad used to force me to watch him kill sheep’s for dinner. he wanted me to learn how to shoot them in a painless way. the first time i watched wasn’t that bad. it went quick. it died in a split second. the second time. a year or a half later my dad got drunk. really drunk and dragged me into the barn and shot a sheep and yelled that i had to learn this by now. […]
Ok, so next week, I have two major exams. And I’m terrified. Sitting in the same place for at least an hour and a half with so many people surrounding and staring at me, OCD has just made it worse, what with fullstop routines and my fear of writing in pen, which I have to do for the exams. I obviously don’t want to fail but my mind is telling me that I will.
I know that I wont be able to use a pen.
I have also developed a major fear of death, which is weird for a suicidal person… I basically think about it all […]
How would you feel if you’ve been depressed for four years, everyone you have cared about dumped you?Then you decided to write it all out, in an autobiography. The someone stole it, read it, and sent it to people in your school? I want to die, even if she’s taking them blame, those were my private, personal thoughts, and i just feel i cannot deal with this kind of stuff anymore… I’m not the most suicidal person but i’m just feeling nothing… numb..