Ever since I can remember I have never been happy, I have always plastered on a smile to easy other peoples minds, to make it seem like I’m not bothered by my small wasted life. I’m drained, for years I have been fighting off suicidal thoughts but now it’s getting to hard, I don’t want to die, it will fuck up my family and friends but at the same time I can’t hold on for much longer, nothing I do helps, I go to every doctor to get anti depressants I’m scared of doing it, I’m scared of not doing it and living I’m scared […]
Tag:
Suicidal Thoughts
Im 17 years old. 18 on November 22. I just lost my dad on March 22, a little over 4 months ago from liver and kidney disease. I watched him suffer, deteriorate. My hero started needing me for help to do the simplest of tasks.. I had to help him up after the many times he had fallen. But now hes dead. He was in the hospital for a few months before he died so somethimes it doesnt seem like he is gone. But I never wanted to go see him in the hospital. You see his illness made him say some mean things. He […]
Bare with me, I don’t do this kind of thing a lot. Ever, really. I’m 15, female. I started cutting when I was 12. My mom and older brother were fighting all the time, not like arguing either, like throwing chairs at each other. He hit her and made threats. I didn’t feel safe. He pushed me around a little but nothing major. My mom was also mostly living with her abusive boyfriend at the time, staying at his house with his family. I hated that. She left me home with my Bi-Polar drugged out father and younger brother, whom I basically raised. After several […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
Tomorrow morning I’m going to my first counseling appointment with a counselor of my choice who specializes in the areas I need help with most. Scared and anxious are words that don’t even do the situation justice. I’m beyond terrified, but I will be strong and I will not resist help like I’ve always done in the past. I wish I had just one person standing by my side, telling me I’m making the right choice and I will be okay, but I don’t. In the end we have ourselves and that has to be enough.
I have suicidal thoughts pretty much everyday that will […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
Maybe someday I’ll tell you about all of my pain. Maybe someday I’ll tell you that the real reason as to why I don’t sleep very much at night is because I’m just that scared of what might happen to you while I sleep. I want to protect you so much, but you’re not even here. The real reason why I cut is to know that everything isn’t an illusion. When will I tell you that? When will I tell you all the things that trouble me? When will I stop using depression as an excuse? Why can’t I pick myself up anymore? You tell […]
I have been battling depression since I was 12. In the beginning, people dismissed it easily. My parents thought I was just a “moody teenager”. I got used to simply distracting myself, locking myself in my room, listening to music, reading books and writing poetry as a release, almost like every other teenager it seemed, so I guess you could not really blame them for not noticing. The main difference between me and most of my peers from school was that I had self-harm thoughts at least since I was 14. When I was 13 I witnessed my cousin’s abuse (mainly emotional but […]
I know not to worry. But he didn’t call back like he said he would yesterday. “I’ll call back in a minute” This is a really long minute. He didn’t return the call today… The second I showed my face in the kitchen this morning, I was yelled at. Because I have sleeping issues and it’s apparently my fault. Then I was b*tched at because I had my door closed. I always have my door closed. Always. ALWAYS. It’s always my fault.. I’m always the reason why everyone else is miserable, and the only thing I did was not interact with anyone but my boyfriend. I’m just […]
I’ve had suicidal thoughts for the past several years now. Especially for the past 3 years. I consider myself a spiritual person, but I’m starting to believe that God wants me to take my own life. Life just keeps on getting worse!
This is my first post, and I am desperate for guidence and help!
Sooo.. Recently I have been having suicidal thoughts for several reasons. Most of them I’m sure no-one will ever understand, because we all view the world differently, what may mean the world to someone may mean absolutely nothing to another person, so with that in mind my suicide thoughts have done nothing for me but make me feel even worse about myself, but I am now realizing that life is hard on everyone, some just handle it better than others. now, my family means the world to me and 90percent of the time when I am soooo close to killing myself.. I think about how selfish […]
Just recently I’ve had these thoughts I’ve felt so empty insistent no one can help me is what I feel I have been through hell and back In my life when I was little I was abused in more ways than one by my biological father and then ever since I’ve gotten older I’ve been made fun of for everything about me I just recently found out my papa has lung cancer and every one in my family hates the one I truly love I am always being bitched at for.things I shouldn’t get yelled at for I take care of a kid that’s not […]
i’m new here, and found this website due to heavily thinking about suicide. i used to be depressed, and it was like an endless, black abyss; now i am not even depressed, i’m at the point where i am numbed out. nothing makes me sad, but nothing makes me happy :/ just a little background on myself. but i found this piece in an article very interesting, it’s a read, but worth it; psychiatrists put emphasis on 3 main factors of suicide.
thoughts and opinions !
——————————————————————————————————————-
Joiner is 47 now, and a chaired professor at Florida State University, in Tallahassee. He’s made it his life’s […]
I sat there on the side of slop. The summer wheat swayed in the wind as I watched the sunset. I relaized that the world is full of beauty and I am nothing. I hung my head and realized, no one really listens, no one gets it. This hurt inside me is so deep, so painful, so incredibly numbing, that it goes on the lingering for suicide anymore. I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I live, I don’t care if I die. I simply perform like an actor. If the program calls for laughter I laugh, if it calls for sadness I […]
I don’t know how to write this, I’ve never written something like this before, so I guess il just start, I’m sorry if it sounds stupid or doesn’t make sense.
I don’t know how much longer I can feel this way, I had an amazing weekend, I was happy for the first time in years, but alas, 5 days on and I am back to where I began. I have a psychologist that I see and sometimes a psychiatrist, also two people from a subsection of the nhs who come and check on me as I am 17.
I was going to be admitted to a hospital […]
Going on here, I know I would never be able to commit suicide. I’m too much of a wimp to do it, and would only be able to do so purely on impulse depending on my mood and surroundings. But I still have suicidal thoughts. I don’t know why I’m here or what my purpose is for being here. I don’t belong anywhere. Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like an outcast. I’ve never had a clique of friends I truly belonged to, and if there was, I wasn’t important enough to be invited to hang out, I was more the person they […]
I’ve been fighting off my own severe depression for 29 years, rather successfully, with an attitude that depression isn’t real, and thoughts about ending my life are just me being weak and unable to handle problems. But this tactic worked better when I was younger with opportunity ahead of me and the “my future will be bright” keeping me going; now that I’m 29, over educated and underemployed, fighting off depression with sheer will is becoming harder and harder, and the suicidal plans come easier and are more realistic and acceptable in my mind.
It’s less than day to day now; it’s hour to […]
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
Ok well I told my family how I felt and how I want to end my probelms. They under stood and did not get angry they just didn’t understand how I could be sad with everything that I have. I told them about how my past constantly follows me and eats at me. My father suggested a therapist and I agreed only to see how it goes. We also decided as a family to wait until October and look for one. I’m not sure how long I can wait but I will try for my family. I didn’t tell them however that I cut and […]