I’m her mum I loved her more than anyone
so where were you when you I had been raped as a kid? Why didn’t you be the mum and help me ? Why did I have to lie and hide to protect your feelings? I was the kid. I was the one mean to be crying. Instead you cried and lost your shit so i protected you. I just needed someone to help me, why did you have to be weak?
Why are you so depressed ? Why were you so sad all those years? What why? Your a mother your meant to be strong. You brought […]
I have always had a inkling in the periphera of my mind that this life was just an elaborate level of many levels of a dream while in a deep sleep or coma. I have figured it is time to find out. Not because life is not worth living or simply because I only want to find this out. It’s just that my particular life is not worth living.
I have hit a dead end in my life. Even though I have contemplated suicide half of my teen years and all of my adult years, I have held on to some form or strand of someone […]
Suicide. Such a lovely topic, isn’t it? The title of this post is what I hear every time I say I’m suicidal. But I have a question.. I have had the same issues since I was a small child, and they are only getting worse. Every night I lay down, and I dream about picking up the loaded gun that sits on my bedside table and ending it all, once and for all. But I am terrified of a few things. Not of dying. Not of possible pain. But of the pain it would cause others. Or the possibility that someone, in the future, might […]
He’s destroyed me.
I won’t survive in prison.
He’s got what he wanted all along.
I won’t be able to have kids.
He’s destroyed every inch of me.
I have nothing left.
3 months ago my best friend and life partner died of cancer in my arms at just 41. We were each others lives. Tied together for 22 years. Nothing anyone says seems to touch the constant pain and hopelessness. She was and had been the only thing that made my life feel ok. Now I am a ghost in a dead man’s life. I do not want to be here but I am scared to end it myself. So hello?
(I wrote this a few days ago, so now I’m down to 25 days)
“I have always heard that you should never make a decision based on a whim, and that if you are in doubt, sleep on it, before deciding. Considering the magnitude of terminating my own life, I decided to sleep on it quite a bit- I’ll give it a whole month.
My reasoning for this decision is not actually all that important. There has been a building pattern of unhappiness in my life, and one event was finally the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. It was not the “reason” but merely the […]
Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.
I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem […]
I hope you are doing okay, and it is okay if you are not.
Sometimes I do not feel okay, and I almost ended my life because of it.
I have allowed myself to heal for three years before making the decision to share my story. This is not easy; the feeling of being vulnerable is hard to swallow, but I have accepted the social ramifications of allowing myself to open up publicly. I want to help others by sharing my experience because I know how it can feel to be alone. This piece carries a heavy trigger warning.
At some point, simple tasks became overwhelming and I […]
Sounds good to me. Pushing a gas pedal is much less intimidating than using your feet to jump off a cliff. I’ll be drunk anyway, popping a few klonopin, unbuckle the seatbelt and let Mother Earth physically destroy me just like how my life itself has destroyed me mentally. The burden which is me will be gone, I don’t have to live in a society where I’m too cognitively and socially inept for, and no more bullshit psychiatric “help” to give me false hope instead […]
Walked out of class because I couldn’t stop crying the moment I arrived. What’s wrong with me ?
I went to the cemetery on the hill my favourite place to go. And I just lay on top of an above the ground grave. And I cried.
I cried until I was numb.
I cried until I was screaming.
Then I just lay there. In silence. The wind blowing on my skin and the sun beating down on me.
I couldn’t really feel it but I didnt care. Because this was the first time I had felt at peace in weeks.
I lay there limp and emotionless. Anyone walking past […]
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t feel anything anymore and I can’t stop crying.
I’ve started cutting again.
I’ve started drinking again.
And attempting to throw up my food.
It’s all come back so fast it feels like the world is crashing down on me and I can’t take it.
I need everything to just stop for a few days. College, the future, Time , Life.
I just need to disappear and I fear if I don’t find a way then I’ll just kill myself.
I’m so fucking tired I just cant do this anymore.
I give up.
I feel like jumping out of my skin today because it’s getting harder and harder to cope with my unaware narcissistic fake ***** “oh but I’m your mother I gave birth to you” mother. It takes more than giving birth to be a mother, she really was just a stupid snotty girl in an adult body raising me. Hereditary wise she’s the reason I am the way I am. That’s not why I hate her, I hate her because of the acting like an do it all angel in front of others and a fucking mentally abusive demon behind closed doors. I heard boys with […]
Well it’s 4:38am here in NY, in 2 hours I will be driving 2 hours to check out the mountain/cliff I’ll be driving off of and I couldn’t fall asleep just having my usual intrusive future scenario thoughts of how my relatives around the nation would react and if I survived would they topple over me with pity and more support that I don’t want I just want to be gone. That’s how I get rid of those thoughts by repeating the word “GONE” in my […]
I’ll be talking more about what led to this later on I just wanted to say hi, I’m 23 male with bipolar disorder OCD depression self-diagnosed language disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria, I’m also and HSP I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to show I do have mental illness started in sixth grade but we’ll get to all that later.
Hi everyone 🙂
WARNING – THIS IS REALLY LONG.
Only the truth is in this… the whole truth.
My Story
To whoever is reading this, whoever you are whether I know you or not is more than likely not relevant… I’m like you a human being. What it all comes down to is skin and bone, we all start out as the same and enter the world in the same manner. Why is it then that we all are treated differently later on in our lives? Our society has a huge impact on us growing up and how we are perceived as young people. I’m now 21 and for me it […]
I want the pain to go away. All the heart break, sadness, lonely nights, empty pill bottles, & watching the blood drip down my arms & legs after just having an episode. I need my thoughts to stop. I can’t handle it anymore. A few days ago my boyfriend slashed his wrists & took 20 xan bars because I tried to leave him. It was all my fault. I had to go over & clean up all of the blood after he got picked up by the ambulance. There was so much blood… it was all over the walls, the tv, the floor, the sink, […]
My suicide note. I’m still working on it. I’m still waiting for help even though I know I’m only fake hoping. I don’t have a purpose anymore. Living is a torture every single day. I set myself a date. I planned everything. I’m pretty hopeless.
Anyways. Here you go, enjoy? I don’t know. Do whatever you want to do with this:
Hey. It’s me. I’m that shitty girl who killed herself because she’s a weak-ass depressed kid who’s only great at complaining and seeking for attention. You probably heard about me now, you’re probably gossiping about it. Anyways, I’m writing this letter because soon enough I’ll be […]
It was depression that killed the remaining happiness I had left, but it was the same thing that keeps me going. Most of the time? I just want to die, to disappear until there are no ashes, no trace of my existence would be left. To be just nothing, as I am now. But the nothingness wouldn’t be overwhelming. As if I never existed. I always think that life was just a joke that I had to deal with. It’s like a prank I need to face everyday. The more I encounter it, the more it makes me sick. Then later on I wouldn’t notice […]
I used to enjoy softball. It was hard work, sometimes it was draining, but I actually like. I don’t think I do anymore. Everyone expects something from me. My parents and tournament softball coach think that I can play college and expect so much more than I’m capable of. My high school coach thinks I can’t do anything and doesn’t give me a chance. He expects nothing from me. I can’t deal with all of this. I wish I could go back and start over. I wish I was more athletic. I wish I was more confident in myself. I wish people could see […]
Fisrt of all I’m not proud of this. I’ve never thought I would be publishing something in a page like this. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Second, I’m spanish that’s why my grammar sucks, pretty much that.
I have no idea where should I start. I’ve been depressed for a lot of years, I tried to kill myself a couple of times but I didn’t suceed.
Background:
My parents are not together, they divorced when I was eight. My mother started returning really late from work, kids started bullying me at school, but I could handle it, until I was twelve. My father was getting married […]
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