This is not a cry for help. Technically, this is seeking attention, but only in the sense that I wish to speak about suicide without entertaining the notion that someone will attempt to interfere. I just…want to talk to someone who might understand.
I thought I was okay with being different but the more I think about it the more I realise if I was actually okay with it, it wouldn’t bother me so much when people stare or talk about me -_- why is it so difficult for people to just leave me alone. I understand i’m easy to make fun of but really who doesn’t have something about them that can be made fun of.
Today was my friends high school graduation. I went because that’s what friends do, right? During the ceremony I was sitting with my other friend, and I was texting the one guy who knows about my depression. It was light hearted and joking conversation but he’s not the best at conversation so I stopped responding because all I wanted to do was tell him how I’m doing mentally. But it wasn’t the time or place. But I haven’t seen him in a while and I got to see him today but I wasn’t able to to talk to him in person because we each had […]
Email me, anyone? devinbelver@yahoo.com kik: devinx7 I don’t really have anyone to talk to..
Thank you
Nobody gets it. I dont want help. I dont want to talk. I dont want drugs or therapy or company. I have tried all my life to want to live but I never have wanted it. I didnt ask for this life. I dont want to feel better or try again or look on the bright side or give it time. What i want is to turn it all off.
I made a Kik specifically for you guys here on SP. Just in case anyone ever needs or wants to talk, vent, rant, etc privately, it’s anoynomus and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can. Just so you know I’m here for all of you, whether I know you or not. The username is haileeonsp. Have a lovely night guys.
Because my disposition is so heavily suited for very unsavory tasks such as merciless combat and deceit, this makes me ill-equipped for more mundane things like small talk, forming relationships, and creating effective art. However, this statement is a contradiction, as my disposition also makes it possible for me to exhibit fairly uncommon forms of altruism and to stress understanding and communication which are key elements in promoting harmony.
And yet, neither statement is true, because one’s memories (more importantly, the condition of their brain) define the persona that is constantly undergoing development. In this sense, who I am now is merely a result of odds. But such statements imply that my personality reflects an immaterial soul that I do not […]
From an extra letter I wrote that I panned to send you.
As I write this I am thinking about how we haven’t talked in over a month. I am SO SORRY. I know, sorry probably aint shit. I haven’t sent the letter I promised I’d send. I even flaked on you the last time I was there. I have really been pissed at myself lately. I don’t even know what to say to you, I am just sorry I haven’t been keeping my word. I know we agreed to hangout and talk about the last letter and confessions we may have. I did want to […]
Isn’t in funny how a lot of people on this site will ignore any post that even mentions drugs. Even though depression and addiction often go hand. Well here it goes, you’ve been warned!!
Cokecokecokecoke
Was that so bad huh? Well it’s been maybe 1-2 weeks of nonstop daily use, and honestly when that powder hits my nose I feel calm. You imagine a cokehead jumping up and down, meanwhile I’m nodding on it. I feel calm and for once that constant voice saying suicidesuicidesuicide is shut out by the voice saying cokecokecoke.
I guess recovery’s not going so well. Sorry for taking my anger out […]
I cannot take this anymore. I know my life isn’t as bad as some peoples but I’m just really struggling.
Firstly, I hate school. I’m really struggling at keeping up and my grades are usually quite good but I’m not going to be able to keep that up much longer. I dislike every subject I do, and the subjects I loved, my teachers are crap. I also can’t stand the people, there’s always those ones that talk all through class and it’s stopping me from learning. Everything at school is making me tired and I can hardly hold myself together anymore.
Other than school I do three […]
Let me know if you’re okay.. okay? My email is devinbelver@yahoo.com if you don’t want to talk publicly..
It seems like every few nights anxiety rears it’s ugly head. I can ignore it for a while until I realize my jaws been clenched so tight my head hurts and I’m getting short of breath. I’ve had the jaw thing going on so long I swear it’s changed the shape of my face. Anxiety does not discriminate….it can be over something valid like finances or something so damn stupid (a dripping pipe, that’s tonight) I did everything I could do to remedy the issue but I can’t help but to get anxious. I’ve been to the basement a few times just to keep checking, […]
my family spent so many years not talking about our fucking problems. and now my siblings are like “we are talking to our parents about are problems so we can get them fixed” and then i get included into the conversation and get to hear about their depression and their mental problems and then i get praised for being the one child without problems. can we just go back to not talking? i dont want to be the mentally sane child that apparently has no problems. i need to get the fuck out of here.
My head really hurts, stress out, depressed, I want to escape this reality. It has been a month since I locked up myself, not meeting anyone, watching movies and dramas for escaping this reality. Hoping I could change my life. I really hate when I wake up in the morning and have to get back to reality. I dont know how to solve this problem. I want to change my life and I have many regrets. I have no one to talk to. Crying alone in my room, hoping I could escape this reality.
In the long hallways
there’s talk of love and hate.
They look down on those
who don’t look ‘right’.
Always beating them down
with such bitterness and
anger.
There’s mobs of liars
and masked monsters.
Never knowing the world
outside themselves.
In the long hallways
they’re all looking down
and she’s looking up.
The one single angel.
The Wendy Williams show is on. I can’t find the damn remote, I can’t change the channel on the frickin cable box without the damn remote. And I swear on all that is Holy that if I hear these women yell whoop-whoop one more time I just might end it. ( it gonna take a talk show to drive me over the edge ? ) screw it. I’ll be in the garage if anybody needs me.
So I’m a freshmen in a collage prep high school. I’ve suffered from depression since 6th or 7th grade. I have really bad anxiety and I’m extremely self conscious. IVe just been under a lot of stress and stuff and been thinking about self-harm and suicide. I think both are terrible things and I would never put my family through it but yet almost everyday I’ve been thinking of ways to kill my self. I know I haven’t got the guts to do it but I can’t stop my self from thinking about it. Nobody knows I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts and I’m […]
This is my first post so. There’s no justified reason for me to talk about my background or how I came to the point where I am now talking about my worthless life to a bunch of people who I don’t know and who probably don’t care. I’m sure the things I post will be the same things everyone’s heard a million times. I’m not saying that it makes what anyone has been through any less significant or important or painful and damaging, but it kind of sucks that I’m just another depressed, screwed up teenager reaching out to people on the internet because there’s […]
This is my first post. I hope its not my last.
Hmm..well..its hard . Waking up every single day. Going to school. Coming back home. And going to bed again. Going to sleep , at night.. is scary. Because you know ,then you’ll have to wake up tomorrow. I just feel like im done. Not that i dont have anymore strength left .but that i have no will left.
Really got no reason to go through each day. I hate going to school. Sitting there, among the same people. And feeling disconnected. Meh. There’s just a friend, whose presence keeps me […]
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
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