All I could think about all day was how when I get my paycheck im gonna get some drugs and OD. Then, my grandma was so caring and attentive to me because Im sick. She made me tea, chicken soup, and told me to let her know if I needed anything else. Then, my uncle picked up a couple brews and came to shoot the shit for awhile and it was fun. How could I do that to such an awesome family? Just the burden of my funeral alone, let alone the emotional toll on them. Then, I think of my little brother and sister, […]
Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.
To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.
See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will […]
We are not the only ones who feel how we feel. Hes someone i watched growing up and he died how i wanted to die 3 hours away from where i now live its crazy to think.
May you find the peace in death you couldnt find in life. If heaven exists im sure there is a halfpipe.
She’s gone from this…….
to this. This is what it looks like when all the life energy has gone
I sit here crying as I watch beside me my little girl dying before my eyes.
She is shaking […]
I know i don’t want to die but really, what other option do i have? Life is just too stressful and i don’t know what to do anymore. So for all of you reading this i think im just gonna kill myself, I’ve tried with multiple unsuccessful attempts but in the end im just going to do it while my parents are sleeping. I plan to leave a suicide note for my family and if any of my family is reading this or if someone knows me and figures out its me then please please please tell my mom im sorry and that i did […]
A good life – or – a peaceful death
A million dollars – or – for your life to end
The greatest love – or – an end to your life
Happiness – or – eternal peace in heaven
Just curious how badly does everyone wanna die?
If a genie came to you with one wish what would you choose?
To live life in the best possible way or to die in the best possible way
What would it take for you all to live more than you want to die?
I ask this question because honestly I cannot answer it myself
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
I found out a couple hours ago that I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Needless to say, I have had panic attacks, and the Angels have became almost unbearable. I can’t see her tomorrow. I can’t see her ever. She’s going to get me. The Others are going to get me. Every session with her I’m restless, uncomfortable, and waiting for them to attack me.
They’re going to this time. Kemuel told me. He knows. I can’t go tomorrow, but my mother won’t let me miss another session. She’s letting them get me, she’s going to let them kill me. She’s part of them, and now I’m […]
I thought I wanted to die, and I guess I still do. But I will not go on their terms. I will follow bravely until the end, with my chest out and my head held high, no matter what hurdles I face, when the time comes I will grasp death by the hand and tell him “Thank you for waiting for me”
I’ve been reading people’s posts here for about a year and it has helped keep me going. (Thank you all.) I never commented or posted but now I think I’m nearing the end and want to get more involved. I have hit rock bottom. It’s a long story but I lost my job and then I decided to quit all my meds last week because I’m tired of living in a fog. I currently feel incapacitated and I don’t know how I will go on. I live alone and I will run out of money soon. I have enough of a lethal drug to kill […]
Yes, it’s true.
I’m Jealous. Very jealous.
I’ve never been more jealous in my life.
And it hurts. And it’s dark.
It’s darker than black hole. Darker than satan’s soul.
I am jealous of the ones who get to die.
The ones who get to leave this place. This awful pace.
The ones who get to sleep soundly forever, unbothered by this evil called life.
I want to die. But I can’t die.
I wish I had no one to disappoint.
No one to hurt.
But there’s too many.
I want to end my pain not pass it on.
So I sit here waiting.
Hoping to […]
i fucked up my arm last night. it still feels tingly and weird (and painful), and i think it’s still bleeding… i’m so fucked if i need stitches. i just wanted to see the blood drip. i didn’t want to mess my arm up like this.
in other news, i haven’t seen or spoken to my family in a week, and even though it was my choice to isolate myself, i still feel like crap. hearing them laugh and get along just fine without me, no concern whether i’m dead or not in this tiny room… i mean, this is what i wanted. i don’t want […]
I can’t put the knife down.
I need a reason to live. Someone give me a reason to live!!
I love my mother. I love her so much, I don’t ever want to hurt her. My family is the only reason keeping me alive. But right now, I don’t really care about that. I’m too blinded by the pain, I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die so bad.
Cutting has gone this far. The pain doesn’t want to go away anymore. My heart is so heavy.
IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THIS POST, READ THIS SECTION IN BOLD FIRST:
I found this in an old notebook dated May 27th 2015 and I decided to type it out to keep it documented since I need to destroy the notebook before my family see it and hand it to my psychiatrist.
It contradicts quite a lot, and it’s extremely confusing. I don’t remember writing any of this. I can only assume I wrote it during a time when I was too ‘in-tune’ with my hallucinations to understand what I was doing.
The contradictions may be different voices and/or demons/figures arguing with one another, I don’t know […]
What if the people who wants you to live… are the reasons why you want to die?
i have so much to be grateful for, but i’m extremely depressed.
i have a great good okay life, i have food to eat, clean water, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and money to spend.
i am just incredibly lonely.
every time i try to reach out, i get rejected, bitten, cast aside. in private and in public.
no one ever contacts me, unless they want/need something from me. i haven’t spoken a single word to a single person since i left work on thursday night.
according to the world, i have no feelings, no emotions, and deserve not one ounce of care from anyone other than myself.
if […]
That’s because there is no one no one, no one, whose life will be even a tiny bit altered by my death. Not one person upset, except the people who will smell the stench from my apartment 3 weeks after I’m gone and the people who have to clear up the mess left behind and my rotting carcass. But sad? Nah. Not a soul.
I have no family left, no friends. I go months without uttering a word to anyone except perhaps the occasional post man ‘hello’ and perhaps thank you to the lady at the supermarket till.
Anyway, It’s been a while since I first posted […]
35 year old white male….educated, athletic, comedic, drug addict, truth searcher, lazy, the average person would say I have so much to offer…..I see there is no purpose, but I know many are in pain….., I really want to know if people who really believe they are happy have a gene switched on that allows them to believe their own lies, somehow my father understands all of this but is content with life…..playing golf and gambling….I honestly don’t know how he does it, I guess I am afraid to die since I have been suicidal since I was 10. I can make anyone laugh, make […]
I want to die so badly but I’m a *****. Even my mother said I should kill myself. I feel so overwhelmed. I dotn dsevre to live I hate myself fuck this I wish I was dead or horribly beaten. I don’t fucking deserve this. Please someone tell me how to kill myself.
So you think that, that’s it. I can’t handle anymore. My life is fucked up. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die right now. And then you will try to make an attempt, in which you will obviously fail (99.99 % times) and some of you will even fail into making an attempt. You are in pain now but still alive. Now you will try to recover.
But then again something bad (this bad could be anything, some event in real life or just your real imaginary pain in your beautiful mind) will happen. And you will think that’s it. It’s enough. I […]