All this stress from not wanting to be alive anymore, to fake friends , no real emotional support, my rape, my rape case going up into smoke and having to still continue living when my suicide attempt wasn’t successful has been weighing me down the whole year. Today for two minutes I find some kind of solace, or peace that felt was the closest thing to feeling celestial I could achieve (considering I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell). Then I find out then I’m about to flunk out of school and that numbing misery is re-injected into my soul to disinfect the small […]
Tag:
Trash
So today’s trash day… And then something random happened I somehow let myself think even just for 2 seconds and then I suddenly wanted to just jump in the truck when it comes or stand/sit in front of le truck and let nature take its course…. One truck has already been so its still slightly possible. But then I was fine like meh mkay. But seriously forcing myself to stay alive for a 5 year old I’m starting to regret making that post/promise (I promised IRL to mah nephew) I get random thoughts in my head its weird… I’m weird… But hey some of u […]
this is the saddest i have ever been and i don’t even remember what happiness even feels like anymore
i’m always so down and sad and whenever i laugh i don’t mean it and it’s just not right and i can’t even smile.
my heart feels gross. like it’s sunken in darkness, my mind is always cloudy and i’m failing a lot of my school classes.
i should be glad that my friend has come down for a couple months to stay, but it’s been so tough. she wants me to be happy.. but i just can’t. it’s like i’m incapable of being glad. i’m always so negative […]
I want to know whether people actually share the same perspective of life like mine. Open for discussions. No arguments please, I respect all your opinions. I just want to know how many thinks the same way, I dont try to impose anything. Thank you.
1. After a while of trying and failing, you start wondering if the problem is your own self.
2. The God of this human world is money.
3. Humans are all trash. They say good things, say they love and care, but then they lie, they scheme, they betray, they backstab. Humans try to blame it on the evil but THEY are the […]
How many of us continue to struggle and suffer in a place we no longer want to be? How many of us have tried therapy, medication, family, friends, and religion only to realize that you still want to leave this world? Most of us know how we want to go and when we want to go, but have that one thing that keeps us from moving toward peace… our families. If we could just cover up the fact that we committed suicide and make it look natural or accidental, we’d probably take that final step toward death. If this is not your situation or concern […]
Reasons to commit suicide
I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]
damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and it is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then […]
I wanna know what I did so horrible to get such a harf life like this I’m only 17 yrs old I lost my brother & dad to suicide I’m homeless my mom couldn’t care any less about me. It seems like all everyone ever wants to do is hurt & break me down What have I done to get such a hard life? Im terrified or death but it seems like its the only way out of this piece of shit life I have? What is the real meaning of all that I’m being put through cause it isnt to make me stronger. I […]
damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and it is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then i bore of […]
Amphetamine Annie-dog
Pulls her trash and her stories
From place to place and bed to bed
Gives of herself and the magnet head
Another floor another ceiling
Counting stars with double meanings
Is it wrong to be swallowed whole
To disappear in her
To give to her the priceless peace
Of giving up control
We tumble out into the streets
And Annie dog she drags her leash
Pretty face ugly mouth
Bitter breath and so released
And by the no and in the yes
Annie goes if you couldn’t guess
A simple man a sycophant
Her elephant with the laughing call
She wants clean […]
I got to me great aunt’s house yesterday, the same time that a guy who looked like he was in college was there. Apparently, he was Katelynn’s boss and best friend. He was giving Katelynn’s violin to my aunt, obviously, I was confused since Katelynn didn’t play violin. At least I didn’t think she did. She played violin. She was in 4 recitals. She had a job. And I never had any idea. I didn’t know that every time she came home late was because she’d been working part-time to buy a violin. I didn’t know she was actually a junk artist, and I don’t […]
I don’t understand why I feel this way. It’s like no matter what I do I am still a pathetic worthless piece of trash who deserves to be beaten and raped. I am 22 now and my life should be better I haven’t talked to my step dad in 7 years. I thought I was better now. Last spring I was raped by two strangers and ever since I have been lashing out at people. I want them to hurt me because if I star it then the only person I have to blame is me… The down side is that now I just want […]
I’m done… Just wished I had a gun right now, so I could kill myself. I hate my life. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!
I’m NOT happy, I never was and I’ll never be. My parents don’t understand me, they only make me feel more worthless and lonely, like I’m a piece of trash, a mistake. Constantly have arguments with them because they don’t understand me. Therapy doesn’t work, medications doesn’t work. I’m just desperate… Don’t know what to do anymore. The only way out I see is killing myself, and actually it’s a pretty good option for me I guess. What’s life worth when […]
Is it possible for one person to be the only source of someone’s happiness?
by whyohwhysky
written by whyohwhysky
I believe so. My ex thinks that my suicide is foolish because I am lying to myself by thinking that he was my only happiness. He says that no one person can be the source of another’s only joy in life. Then how come I’m contemplating suicide for the first time ever? How come I’m so sad?
I have no family. I have no friends. I have no life, and now I don’t have him. Pathetic, I know. What’s more pathetic though is how long I’ve been haunting this website declaring my death and have no courage to actually do it. No courage to live, no […]
I almost ended my life after my drama performance.
I was stage manager, so I wasn’t an actor, like all of my friends. Already I was alone.
All I heard at the lunch table was how much fun it was, and how I should join drama. In it, no one talked to me, and I felt alone all the time. I felt abandoned.
Now these same friends say that I can talk to them about anything. But, in class they rarly talk to me, and I feel alone. I have SAD, and I need my friends now. They are seniors, and are leaving next year, and […]
I just joined. I’m a girl, a cutter. Not an adult, but I won’t say my age. My life wasn’t unfair, I wasn’t abused, nothing bad happened to me. That’s exactly the problem though. Other people, kinder people, better people than me have been raped, assaulted, bullied, any number of problems. Not me. I don’t have any problems. None.
I hate myself because I was, am, a bully. I changed schools recently so I haven’t bullied anyone recently, but at my other school, oh I’m such an awful person. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the people I used to bully are all on here, crying […]
Well, as you see: I’m back. In my last post I wrote that I had to take a break and I did. After that break of more than 2 weeks, I’m back again. But I have to say that I may not be very active at SP, because I’m feeling really worse. The last two weeks were kinda horrible. There happened too much to explain, it would be boring if I would tell it all (actually, this is a kind of excuse, because I can’t remember it ^^). My life nowadays is really though, I’m feeling like a huge mistake, worthless piece of trash. Feeling […]
Do I have a sign saying “shes vunerable, take advantage” on my back?
by lonelyinside
written by lonelyinside
This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best […]
I am mute, i just cut, and i feel like dyeing, why? Because my mom finally broke me. All i have ever wanted is for my mother to love me and care like other moms do, but i never get her love, when she was down and sad wjo helped her? ME WHEN I WAS ONLY 5, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHY SHE WAS CRYING AT THAT AGE BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO HELD HER TILL SHE FELL ASLEEP, ME! I WAS THE ONE WHO CARED WHEN MY DAD WENT! AND KMOW SHE TREATS ME LIKE IM TRASH!!! WHAT DID I DO!!! IM ONLY […]
I never know the right thing to say,
i never know when not to walk away
i cant ever cope or ever feel,
i want to find out what it means to be real
i could never be good, i cant ever be perfect
i wont ever know what it truly means to be worth it
ive took up space, and wasted to much
im the least valued in your valuable stuff
i was once your great accessory
now im a broken memory
im faded and old,im broken when new
im everything u ever wanted to use.
tossed in the trash, on the way out
the last straw, the last straw that burned down the house
im tired and […]
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