This is my first post on this site so I am not used to this type of thing. Getting to the initial point, I was always the outcast in my home town, by both my family and in high school. Everyone else at school was happy and I never was able to make any friends through my 4 years. I told my family about this and they told me that it was me, I was called antisocial and a loser and all that. I believed them, I still do to this day. I don’t want to go into all the details of what went down […]
I am so confused. Why do i constantly think things will get better. I swear i will never think like that again. What’s the point??? I hate me…so i know you hate me. No surprise. Fuck this shit. Fuck trying.
Every night I feel like disappearing. I have complete means and method to achieve this. However, I made a promise to someone who know hates me. I don’t really think of committing suicide anymore, but every night I just want to disappear. This really just sucks. I am trying to coupe with it as best as I can. Every night I just want to disappear and everyday I wake up with tears. I don’t even know what I dreamed about.
I am pushing forward, but my mind is holding me back. I don’t think negatively of myself anymore. I feel like I turned out pretty well […]
I’m trying to accept that I’ll never have a conventionally meaningful life (see previous posts for why.) I may feel this completely alone for the rest of my time in this world, even if I’m with someone. I will never be acceptable to others as I truly am, or part of any community. No one will ever really know me.
Ending my life still seems wrong though. While it would stop my suffering, it would inflict similar pain on my parents, who certainly don’t deserve it. Ruining 2 lives (3 including my sister) to end my own brokenness doesn’t make sense.
The question then becomes how to get through the next 30 […]
This site has been helping me so much. Thank you all again. I don’t want I’m trying to say in this post. I just want to post. I’m finding writing difficult today, so it might not make much sense.
I feel like I’m breaking. I don’t want to keep saying the same things over and over. Things are just worse right now. Depression is agony. Any coping tips you use, relaxation videos, $10,000 treatment programs you’re selling, etc, would be greatly appreciated. I’m still practicing meditation and it’s been helping more and more, but these past few days have been so painful. Any addition to what […]
I’m so lonely and confused about where to go from here. I had started chanting (Nam myoho renge kyo) and although I can’t stick to routines, it really cured me of feeling suicidal and I don’t have that drive anymore. But I don’t know what to do. My life is so empty without my best friend around. I love him more than anything in the universe, more than words could ever express, and he doesn’t feel it because a) I’m fat, b) I’m an introvert, and c) I’ve been living as a guy. I told him that being fat is really an advantage in that […]
I’m trying to remind myself that I’m still that small bit calmer than usual. Things have changed; they’re still better. I’m still trying. I’m not sinking as fast or easily as I used to.
But I’m falling… The depression is agonising. I’m exhausted. My muscles are heavy, uncomfortable and sore. My mind is the same. I’m tired of closing myself off from the world. I’m tired of choosing between letting in the sunlight or being able to think slightly more clearly. It’s so sad to think that I’ve reached a point when a single car journey can set off all my ME/CFS symptoms and leave me […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
I’m still getting through my depression. It’s almost a daily battle here at college, but I’m surviving somehow. I heard this music one day with my therapist, and I couldn’t stop crying.
This song has kept me through some of the hard days. I play it when I fall asleep. I wake up better.
I don’t think people understand the true meaning of depression, or what it really is. When you are depressed you see your life as something meaningless, hopeless, worthless, loneliness, and the list just keeps going on and on as it continues. I attend a high school and people notice that I’m always somewhat depressed or feeling down but yet people never approach me and end up ignoring me and don’t really seem to care about me or what I have to say. When people do end up approaching […]
Alrighty, here goes nothing. I am trying to not cut, as per usual, and instead of cutting, I find inspirational stories on the web- pictures of healed scars, supportive tattoos etc. Unfortunately I ran into one of those memes that says something about cutters not cutting the right way and why don’t you use a lawn mower and only emo kids cut because they just want to fit in… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Cutters cut because they are in so much fucking pain, or they are so numb or so hurt or so damn traumatized that the only way they can […]
Today’s just been horrible.
I always say to myself that I don’t think I could kill myself because of how my family would feel, but today I really couldn’t care less. Not a lot to say, but today I realized something I didn’t realize before
I am definitely, 100% sure that at some point I’ll take my own life.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but soon.
-V
Rock Bottom. It’s more of a home to me now than ever before. I come and go from this place. I never leave it permanently. I end up messing things up all the time anyhow. I don’t feel anything. I feel sick. I feel like the energy is slowly dying in me. I can’t go to anyone anymore. I annoy them with my constant complaints. They have better things to do. Lately, days seem longer and the sleep seems short. I’ve been here before. I know every pain and feeling that comes with being here again. I can never get used to it. I always […]
i dont see the point in why i even woke up today. haven’t been awake 30 minutes and already i feel like shit. get called a bum by my brothers boyfriend and of cores my brother thinks its funny. my next door neighbors are laughing at me while im crying saying “i hope she kills herself” while they are calling me a child molester with an std and thats probably the reason why im depressed, and my mother (who i love dearly) just thinks that i can flip a switch in my head that turns it all off and makes it stop. the only people […]
i don’t why i’m still trying to get better even though i know i can’t.
i have no friends no bf no dreams
why am i still trying ?
I know I’m usually a rambler so I’ll keep this brief. After ages of debating, of hoping, of begging, I’ve decided to give up. I don’t feel like there’s anything good about me, I feel as if I’ll never be loved or supported and I’ll never achieve anything that I want. I’ve spent the past 19 years trying to feel happy. Thanks for being kind to me in my brief time here. I intend to shoot myself tomorrow morning, when everyone in my family is gone. I’ll make sure no one, but a cop or medical personnel finds me, so won’t worry about that.
Hey, so I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m defective. Nothing I try and do changes how I feel I should just end it all. Its been this way for as long as I can remember just a constant over whelming feeling that I’m not suppose to survive this thing we call life. I’m not trying to wallow, nothing majorly traumatic has happened in my life its just my serious and honest opinion. Ending it would be so easy but I can’t seem to get that right as I said I’m defective. I thought I was ready tonight then time got away with me and […]
Hello world,
My name is Max. I here to share to story and hope it is an inspiration to someone who is depressed or has ever had of suicidal thoughts, ever wanted to relate to someone who is in the same position as you. Anyone watching please share if you think this video could be helpful to them.
So here it goes.
My story. I have had suicidal thoughts on and off for the last 15 years of my life. From what I hear was a really nice child. I thought of others and was kind, but I was uprooted from my mother, when I was around 8 […]
I haven’t been happy in almost 2 months everyday it seems like I’ll never be happy again I’m still trying to get over my ex And I have other problems I keep thinking that life’s going to get better but when I’ve been waiting for a while I do think about suicide and cutting myself I haven’t cut myself in a few weeks and I also want to run away from home I want to cry but I try to hold it back and I feel like I have no one to talk to about all this I don’t think I’ll be happy anytime soon […]
All my life I knew something was different about me… Maybe it was how self conscious I became when my parents couldn’t afford to have more than one or two outfits that fit me when I was little. Or maybe it was how hard my mom tried to make my brother and I happy, but my dad always tore her down.. Maybe it was my parents always being to busy to come to any of my school concerts and events? Maybe it was just me? All I know is that through it all, no matter who I have around me, trying to support me.. I […]