Tag:

trying

It’s all so meaningless

by tryingtohope 4/22/2016

written by tryingtohope

Thanks to those who responded to my first post. It was nice to be heard.

It was another horrible morning. I wake up in so much physical and emotional pain. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

Sometimes when I’m out in my car I just want to close my eyes and let my car soar off the edge of the road or something. I wonder if in that instant of being airborne I would have regrets and want to go back.

This is probably the only place I can say it: one of the reasons I haven’t done it yet is because I’m afraid I’m […]

4/22/2016 4 comments

Run away run away

by fitzgerald 4/22/2016

written by fitzgerald

I’ve been at the gym for three hours. Just trying to keep moving, keep distracted.

Every time I slow down it catches up. Sinking feeling, a punch in the gut. Not for any particular reason, of course. That’s the worst part.

I know drowning is a cliche but that’s what it is. Just treading water. If you stop even for a second, you go under.

4/22/2016 1 comment

.

by quaero 4/22/2016

written by quaero

I had a job. A government job- with job security, promotion, retirement pension and all. I resigned on 2nd of this April. I have seen it all now. They can’t claim I was just a dreamer not knowing world and worldly ways. Though I hate society and its system to the very core of my being, I always gave them benefit of doubt thinking that maybe, just maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe things change with a job and responsibility. Anyway, on the positive note, nobody can claim I don’t have experience of worldly ways now. But it changed nothing. And I don’t know where to go […]

4/22/2016 1 comment

Suicide not

by Endmypain 4/21/2016

written by Endmypain

Im in angry state right now with all little things in my life that has happend. In first place I angry for me for not solving my social anxiety. In second place im a feel myself as failutre for not accomplishing much in life an in failing in many times in different areas of life. I angry at people because i think they take advantage of me or are not reliable. I SEE A LOT OF POSTS HERE WITH THESE COMPLAINTS. But at the same time i feel its all my fault for not going for it.Being a lazy ass and not trying. […]

4/21/2016 1 comment

My mind walks in the sun while I hide in the shadows

by sammyp 4/20/2016

written by sammyp

4/20/2016 0 comment

Uncertainty

by dividebyzero 4/19/2016

written by dividebyzero

Uncertainty is probably the thing I hate most about life. Or maybe it’s feelings. If I had no feelings, or if I could regulate them like a normal person, uncertainty wouldn’t bother me. I often beat myself up or behave self-destructively because even though it makes me feel miserable, I’m in control of that misery. Which often seems infinitely preferable to taking a risk and making myself vulnerable to acute uncontrollable emotional pain.

I have to make a big decision by tomorrow about my next job. A lot of people would probably want to be in my situation, but I can’t stop dwelling on the downside […]

4/19/2016 1 comment

Hay

by Drowning 4/19/2016

written by Drowning

Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel

4/19/2016 3 comments

Emotional And Financial Leeches

by HakunaMatata 4/18/2016

written by HakunaMatata

Malicious neighbour who always try to put us down and got away with their petty revenge in the past threaten to sue my family over our car Back Up Alarm. They mock and taunt us that my family can get a heavy fine, arrested, and owe them compensation money in return. The worst case scenario is that we live in between them and their in-law family down the street who kids are just as bad. They are like ping pong balls bouncing back and forth leaving the mess behind on our driveway.

Basically, they have been openly overconfident and obnoxious ever since they snapped […]

4/18/2016 0 comment

Picture from my Travel around LDN

by Drowning 4/17/2016

written by Drowning

4/17/2016 8 comments

Still alive

by Drowning 4/17/2016

written by Drowning

hay guys I’m still alive iv been trying to keep busy just in case you was wondering how has everyone been holding on I hope we’ll I’m not sure when the next time il post again but if u want to chat feel free to email me new and oldies on here indigojones5@gmail.com

darktide cordless hazy phantom crowbar procel and a few other names iv been thinking of you guys thanks for the support I appreciate that we have met and help each other though some rough dark nights thanks you everyone who is joined to suicide club

drowning hi5 everyone stay stong il be back like […]

4/17/2016 4 comments

Hyper Haze

by Cordless 4/16/2016

written by Cordless

I was inspired to write a piano solo that captured a manic upswing filled with barely-containable energy.
I picture eyeballs darting everywhere, hardly able to focus for more than a few seconds at a time… and yet still trying.

I’m dedicating this one to Hazy.

I call it “Hyper Haze”.
.

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze2.mp3

4/16/2016 14 comments

Anxiety and depression

by J Doe 4/16/2016

written by J Doe

Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling low, but usually I’m worried about something. I have anxiety about a lot of things. What people think about me, my loneliness, my future, and of course the suicidal thoughts. I said in an earlier post that my grades were slipping, but usually I’m an A student. It hasn’t gotten that bad, but it isn’t getting any better. Pretty soon I’m going to have to send college apps and I don’t know how to explain that my depression, which no one knows about, has been ruining my chances into getting into my preferred college. Usually I have tiny panic attacks […]

4/16/2016 3 comments

We’re not in love, we’re just alone.

by Rotted_Flesh 4/16/2016

written by Rotted_Flesh

She kisses like cough syrup when I have a cold.
but we’re not in love, we’re just alone.
Like a drug company’s overdose.
Trying to replace our heads with holes.

We’re missing days and spending weeks.
Only passing through looking for company.
And semen released is a rotting stomach.
Like a body drained of blood.
My flaw. Our failure.

4/16/2016 0 comment

Help

by Xalvian 4/15/2016

written by Xalvian

I’ve been struggling with my depression for years but it’s never gotten this incapacitating. In the past year I’ve spiraled downwards, anxiety striking every chance it gets, invasive thoughts running wild any time I wasn’t able to distract myself. The only thing that kept me sane has been my girlfriend. The most amazing, down to earth, just perfect person I’ve ever met. I was ready to marry her, I’d give my life for her. We were doing great (or so it seemed to me) until spring break trip where I was forced to go with my family and have the worst time id had in […]

4/15/2016 2 comments

Change..

by nonexistingsoul 4/15/2016

written by nonexistingsoul

It’s been a long time since I posted something here again. So here I am, still alive. Remember my post entitled “April 2”? that should be my date of death. I should’ve been dead by now. But still, I’m alive. But now I wish I wasn’t. I regret choosing to live again. I thought everything might turn out good this time. I tried changing. But every time I’m trying, something bad always happens and it drags me down deep. And when I thought I was getting better, it turned out worse. As usual, I still do self harm scars. I still think about suiciding. And […]

4/15/2016 1 comment

Inferiority

by thehusk 4/14/2016

written by thehusk

I don’t want to die. I want to be happy. I want to be normal. I want to be fulfilled. But I don’t think I can be.

So instead, I’m this poisonous, negative force. Because I can’t be happy, I want everyone else to be unhappy as well. I want to drag them down to my level, so I don’t feel so jealous and inferior.

I think maybe it would be better if I was dead. I don’t think I have it in me to come to terms with how much I’ve fucked up my life. And I can’t see any way to really live a fulfilling […]

4/14/2016 12 comments

Therapists

by dividebyzero 4/11/2016

written by dividebyzero

I’ve seen a bunch of therapists in the 14 years since I was first diagnosed with depression. None of them have been particularly effective. I guess that’s not surprising, given that I tend to use negative thoughts as a mechanism to avoid situations that are scary or tend to result in emotional pain. A therapist can give me a technique to challenge my thoughts or a behavior to lessen the power of those thoughts, but I’ve rarely tried any of them because I don’t actually want to challenge my thoughts. If I do, I know I will be likely to drag myself right back out […]

4/11/2016 3 comments

Back at the beggining…

by sulger 4/11/2016

written by sulger

…I haven’t posted in a while, and that’s becouse I’ve been trying to be happy and stay happy. But why do I always end up at the starting point, feeling worthless and tired? This deppression suffocates me, it’s not letting go. Sharp knife rests on my wrist begging to slice it open! I know I shouldn’t do it. Trying to restrain myself….but it feels so good! The pain is addictive, the blood is beautiful! I’m afraid of what people will think of me if I tell them how I feel. Will they think I’m weird and insane? Am I weird? Am I insane?

4/11/2016 3 comments

I don’t often comment

by badcat 4/10/2016

written by badcat

I just wanted to say thank you to all who share. I like to share sometimes, but I have a really hard time commenting on others posts. I know how much it means to me when people comment on my posts, so I wish I would do it more for others. The reasons I don’t is because I’m worried that I’ll either sound dumb or give advice that does harm. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if someone hurt themselves because something I said was taken wrongly.

It’s so weird that I want to kill myself, but would do anything to help stop others from […]

4/10/2016 3 comments

I wish I were dead

by disgusting 4/10/2016

written by disgusting

I’ve seriously had to think about jumping or hanging myself at work or jumping in front of a train because this is such bullshit and I’m getting abused on top of it. My job’s become unbearable because of the coworker who’s decided to have a problem with me and trying to get rid of me. Well yeah it’s fucking working. She’s been lying and complaining about me to the boss saying I stink, that I’ve filled the coffee pot with my coffee mug that I drank out of, that I fart and burp the whole day at work, and that I don’t shower and smell […]

4/10/2016 32 comments

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