i never do anything right. my parents tell me i’m useless, narcissistic, and have an attitude issues. But the thing is, i am not a narcissus. they dont see how much i care about others. how i’m always there for my friends when they need me. how i always come over and help my friends. and i help them because they believe in me. they support me. they are there for me and always make me feel happy. my parents don’t. they are never there for me. when my dad doesn’t get his way he makes everyone else miserable. when my mom doesn’t get her […]
I wish…I was a happy person and did not suffer from depression
I wish…I had a meaningful and productive life
I wish…good things happened to me
I wish…that I had a better life
I wish…I didn’t have to worry about so many things
I wish…I had really good people in my life who truly care about me
I wish…I had love in my heart
I wish…I was perfectly healthy again
I wish…I didn’t suffer so much
I wish…I didn’t hate this damn world so much
I wish…my wishes could come true
Yes, I’m so greedy, I wish for so much lol. What would you wish for […]
If you can wish for anything, what would you wish for? (and no wishing for more wishes lol)
Mylife was happy b4 i came with him, all he ever do is beat and calls me stink names, and hes family wishes i was dead. It looks like he never wants to be with me. I feel aline and abondon, like i dont belong in this world. I took sleeping pills so i wouldnt feel the pain. 25 pills and it didnt work. My child does see me crying and tells me not to cry that i will be happy one day, and shes only 3.
I’ve known for quite awhile that my sister has been sexually active. Although it may not be my place I’ve tried to explain to her that she’s really much too young to being doing such. But, why listen to me right? But tonight I was pushed over board. The reason why is she just turned 14, but is now having sex with a 19 year old man. I confronted him today at a Shell, while not much happened other than a shoving match and getting in each other faces, some bystanders called police. Of course they just let us go as neither of us have […]
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEFxM3Q2kbg
My sickness slips inside you
Drowning in my poison
Desperately I hide too from heaven
Now we’ll be together
I can make you better
Siphon your pain in me, so I bleed
Feed your dreams to fishes
Lie about your wishes
Eat away at your time, seconds are mine
Sometimes it seems we’re toxic
Wake me up and shock it
My low self-esteem
Can make me scream
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
My fears don’t make a sound
My tears
Don’t break me down
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
It’s only my psychosis
Feeling thorns of roses
Fill the void inside me
So you see
Feed me tranquilizers
Calm the storm inside us
It’s so perverse to say
That I’m blind
In my tears
Don’t let me drown
My fears
Don’t make […]
Dearest, dearest MC,
April 1, a year ago, it all changed.
One year ago you felt the fresh air again after 3 agonizing months. And I was there for you in spirit, as I had been all along. But I soon, sadly, discovered “we” were gone.
But on this anniversary I still send you all my love my friend; I send you best wishes. I wish things were different, but I try to trust this is where we should be right now.
Maybe someday… Maybe someday you’ll remember that feeling we shared and have the courage to want to try again.
I hold onto hope; I hold you in love; […]
My apathy is starting to overpower me again. The meds don’t seem to be working anymore and counseling only turns the apathy to anger. An endless abyss or a destructive wrath: what is the lesser of two evils? Sure, I want to destroy humanity but I’m not an anarchist. I’m just a realist.
Even if humanity doesn’t wipe itself out with war, environmental destruction and overpopulation, cosmic forces will do it for them. Assuming humanity could transcend age one day and become cyborgs/androids, would there still be depressed people? Wishful thinking, that is.
I’m tired but I can’t die despite my wishes… I’m not meant to be […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Sitting at the top of the stairs and I can hear you all talking about me. Saying I’m worthless. Saying I’m a terrible daughter. I’m not supposed to be listening, but I’m sitting at the top of the stairs and I can still hear you. Mom, you make me want to kill myself. Dad, where are you now? Sister, why are you adding to the pain that I’ve told you I feel a thousand times? I’m the one that everyone hates. I’m the one that everyone wishes was gone. I can hear you talking about me. Someone help.. I feel like I’m seeking attention posting […]
The other day I went for a haircut. I asked for a pixie. I told the stylist I wanted it longer in the back, with lots of layers. She gave me what looks like a boy’s haircut. It’s not feminine at all. I’m so dadgummed miserable with it! I hate it! This is to be my last haircut, as I will soon be making my exit. I had wanted my hair to look nice for that, as weird as it sounds. I was going to color it as well. (It’s mostly grey.) I’ve had many haircuts in my life where the stylist ignored my wishes. […]
So after finding out I owe my college more money than I thought the other day I told my mom I was giving up and I didn’t care about my life anymore. Of course she never takes it serious when I talk to her about suicide/ depression. So today she wouldn’t stop harassing me to get my W2’s so I could get my tax return (which won’t even be a couple hundred dollars) and I told that I already I was giving so why would I even file, since my dad already filed me as a dependent even though he doesn’t buy anything for me, […]
She’s lying on the bed, her hair fans out from her head. She looks beautiful when seems to not be trying to impress anybody, and is existing and living for her own sake. Those bright blue eyes that I could get lost in for hours are staring intently at her eyelids. They drink in the darkness that surrounds them while light streaks across her vision like miniature shooting stars. A fireworks show for her, and her alone. The hair I touched upon earlier is a dirty blonde color, and when you see it you want nothing more than to see her casually playing with it, […]
One thing about being in a stretch of insomnia is that the rest of you are probably sound asleep, dreaming amazing dreams while I am sitting here typing.
Random things I think about while sitting here alone and awake:
If insomnia kills brain cells, I will probably forget my ABC’s by this time next week. Who am I again?
If, after we die, we get to go to another world where our wishes finally get granted, I would love to live in a tiny seaside cottage with a wonderful guy who honestly loves me. It would be wonderful if he played the cello. I picture a flower bed […]
It is almost 5:30 in the morning here.
I have been awake all night long.
I’m going to try to go to sleep again in a few minutes.
Yesterday I printed out my funeral wishes (and other legal papers involving end-of-life issues), signed them, and gave them to two of the officials I trust at my place of worship.
They probably assumed my concern was due to my declining health and the degenerative disabilities which aren’t getting better.
They know I am depressed, although I haven’t mentioned the “S” […]
trying to make it through, my friends try to help but there’s nothing they can do.
hurting so much I can barely move.
time goes by so slow. I look at myself in the mirror screaming no. the blade on my skin feels cold, but seeing the drip makes me feel bold.
my mom is too drunk to care
my dad isn’t anywhere near
my sister is already gone
and everyone wishes it was me.
all these doors are locked and she had the key
so I cut for her and I cut for me.
I can hear her calling. It’s time for me to leave..
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I wasn’t a failure.
I wish my mom would stop telling me that I don’t make her proud.
I wish my dad didn’t walk out of my life before it even started.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I could stop cutting.
I wish I could die.
I wish I didn’t want to die.
I wish my existence wasn’t ignored by most people, even family.
I have a house, I just wish I had a home.
I wish things were different
But nothing will ever change
So I wish that when I kill myself, no one wishes that I didn’t.
Because if no one cared before death, then why […]
I used to post here a lot, about a year and a half ago. I was hopeless and wanted everything to end so bad. I hoped and prayed everyday for things to get better and did everything I could to make it happen. I came here to not feel so alone.
And things did get better. It took a while but all my wishes came true and I finally got the happiness I had been seeking for so long.
It was all because of a guy I was in love with and was waiting for him to come back to me. He finally did and he proposed. […]
*I apologize if this turns out to make no sense. I’m on a couple prescriptions that are new and make my thoughts to finger connections cooky.*
There she is. Floating- floating through it all. She steps outside, ducking her head under the door jam. Inhaling the scent that only rain can bring, she smiles. Not a large, toothy, gums for all to see smile; no, this smile is very, very unique. It is the smile that touches her rosy lips when she sees something, or hears a sound that touches her soul. Nothing has touched her soul in a long, long time. Stomping her boot clad […]
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