I want to die really. I turn to people around me and tell me I should work. how can I have ambition if everything in my life sucks. Im ugly , I’m going to die alone, why continue? im tired. I hate being me and I want to get out of here. I really do.. im trying to see the few good things I have but its hard. I want to hang myself its the only way I could do it
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I knew my best friend since the 1st grade, I instantlly knew we were going to be best friends. We’ve done everything together up intill middle school, we got put on different teams and we kinda just lost our bond, i tried to make is work but it felt like she didn’t want to be friends anymore so I started hanging out with other people and I asked her why she doesn’t want to be friends anymore and she said because I hang out with other people more than her. Around the begining of the year I started getting depressed and suicidal thoughts and she […]
Moved to a new city for work. Don’t know anyone here.
Sometimes the world seems full of people I don’t want to know. People who lead dull, uninteresting, self-satisfied lives. Bored and boring people going about their humdrum existence.
Sometimes I think maybe it’s the other way around. That I’m dull and uninteresting and that world is beautiful and full of light and beautiful, interesting people shun me because I’m weird and fucked up and beneath contempt.
Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Mostly what I am is alone.
He said he cared, he said he would never leave. When I tried to push him away he wouldn’t let me. Until he got drunk and his friends saw he had a message from me. Now I lost him. And I don’t know how to cope. He says he needs to work through his things. So i guess I have to hope he comes back once he does. It hasn’t even been a week but it’s been torture. What do I do. Do I try to talk to him? Or do I forget him.
I can’t work with my Dad anymore I can’t I can’t. How many panic attacks do i need to have before they realize that?
I’m you’re son… Not your employee.
I hate it there more than anything. And i don’t even have the choice to quit the job i never signed up for.
Sad that I have nowhere else to vent, because no one listens to me. Hell, I hardly get a response here.
Anyway, I told a little white lie to get out of work early yesterday and hang out with the dreamboat that will never be mine. But I guess I’m lucky I can get to take out a guy like that even if it’s not exactly a date and he’ll never see me that way. -sigh- But it has its perks. I get to be out with a gorgeous guy and he gets to “feel spoiled for once.” It’s nice that we can talk openly at […]
I’m happy sometimes. I met this girl thousands of miles away and she makes me happy. But sometimes I just get really sad out of nowhere. I get down on myself and hate every part of my being. I think about suicide really often, I have been for three whole years now. I even went to therapy but I stopped going because it didn’t work or feel right. I feel fucking insane.
Ive felt like this forever just knowing that i ruined and lost the best thing that has ever happend to me has just given me a reason. I cant do anything about it. Theres no hope for me. I love everyone who still loves me im sorry for what i have/will do to people. Im sorry to everyone who is affected by my dission and my depression but i have to do this… Its even hard for me to write but i still love you P.Y im sorry dont do anything if i do itll be ok for you. lm sorry to my family i […]
I mean i’ ve never done this before,”speak in public”. The only thing i ve ever said in public was a druken “just stitch me up and let me go home,i need some sleep”. Yes i attemped a suicide 2 years ago only to find out that i was far more messed up than i thought. I will spare you the details.
This is more of a desperate move, i actually don’t want to talk, but the whole idea,and site which i found looking for the right,or wrong, dose of sleeping pills,distacted me so… I have gone really far since then. I got into a […]
Howdy, ya’ll.
I’ve been reading on the site and commenting every now and again, but I’ve never posted. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while. They stem from a complete lack of meaning in my life. To be honest, things have been going relatively well, I just find no joy in much of anything anymore.
I attempted suicide earlier this year, but was brought to the hospital before anything too serious happened. What shook me the most was that I had no realization, no epiphany, like one often reads of. Instead, I’ve fallen further. What drove me to the edge were the psych meds I was […]
Hi, I’m a filthy, retarded, creepy, transgender (male-to-female) emo noob and I deserve your contempt, whether I feel I deserve it or not is completely irrelevant -_-
I’m not the only one that wakes up every morning and is quickly, and brutally, hit with the feeling that their life is not, and never will be, something they can be proud of.
It gets better, everyone around me seems to genuinely believe that living a life I can be proud of is an abomination, an affront to their ‘decency’ and ‘taste’, no one has faith in me, because no one wants me to BE me, no one needs […]
Anyone else who is negatively affected by the summer break? Like me because I’m all alone most of the time? School as much as anyone can hate it was a place to socialize for me and with it gone I feel like I’m hated and realize that all of the people I talked to in school aren’t real friends, they’re just people that I talked to and joked around with. There’s a lot worse than that but I hate it. I stay up at night (like I am right now) because I just can’t get the voices inside of me to shut up. I just […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Godsmack-Serenity-4428060HvDy.mp3
I have picked a date…a song to play on repeat…a saying to hold in my hand…I have detailed instructions for after my expiration date…no need for I love yous…as all I feel is hate…I cut myself daily to see if I still feel…I want this pain to end…I don’t want your medicine…I don’t want your pills…they only work for a little while…while these thoughts continue to infiltrate my head. I just want Serenity.
It is so sad I had to drink two whiskeys and a beer for breakfast in order to get to work this morning. My mood raised for a moment but now I’m just feeling sick and my mood is slowly getting worse than before drinking. I’m also afraid my colleagues noticed I drank.
I hate myself so bad.
It’s funny how I ask to be normal. I wanna do normal shxt.
Like I wanna have a normal day. Get out of bed, shower, eat, go to work, come home and go to sleep. I can’t even do this.
My day is more like wake up crying [cause I wish I were dead] cry in the shower and don’t wanna eat. Call in because I’m too sad to work or go to work and cry. Then have insomnia all night.
Ppl take for granted the ability to have a simple day.
Why does it suck ass?
-Because I have no real friends. I have ONE person who emailed me Happy Birthday. Oddly enough, more companies send me Happy Birthday emails than real live people. Companies that want my business… O_o
-Because I’m disabled- my hands and legs don’t work well, as well as a bunch of other body parts in between. And I’m in my 30s. Yeah, fuck me.
-Because I have no one to help me
-Because I’m all alone
-Because I’m poor and I can’t dig my way out of poverty when my body and limbs don’t work
-Because life is hard as shit when you’re poor AND disabled AND […]
today is a dangerous day for me. my husband is currently out of the state. my therapists and shrink don’t work on fridays. not that i would reach out to them anyway. i am alone with my thoughts and my gun. today is not the day i had originally chosen, but what is the difference? it is not going to change things if i wait a few more days. my “funky” way of thinking is not going to be changed. i have tried to explain how this go around has been different than the others. but i don’t have the words. all i can say […]
I miss the days when I felt happy. How I became so content with the idea of death I don’t remember. I try so hard to be happy but it just doesn’t seem to work for me. I’m not happy, I’m not angry, I’m not much really.
Just really really miserable.
But it’s not even that. It’s like, that feeling you get when you’re about to sneeze. You know it’s coming. You can’t wait long enough for that sneeze to be over.
I think what I’m trying to say is, I long for the feeling of not feeling anything at all. I know it’s coming, it’s just a […]
I am the asphalt. You drive over me. Barley recognizing my existence. Composed of hard rock and soft tar. What do you see? I have many flaws, many pot holes. Is that all you notice? Still, I get you to work everyday. I suit your needs, your whim. I am around at 3am, when you feel a sudden need for chips and salsa. I am there the next day on your drive to work or the club. All you notice is the divot that inconveniences you. Your tire slamming into it. No harm done, an annoyance at best. You curse at me. Still, I will […]
I dropped out of grad school at the end of last year. I moved home and worked there on farms for a while until I could find more permanent work. I found a new job. I just started this week and I am hating life. Whenever I have a big transition in my life (like moving to a new area) I have a very difficult time. Work is always on my mind. When I’m at work, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. When I’m home, I think about how my bosses are disappointed in me even though there’s no reason to […]