I only shall his once today, i didnt go any where near the cafeteria and chilled in the liabary all morning. I took really odd and out of the way routes to all my classes to make it easier on myself, i only shall him once after school. It was the only way out of the science building and there he stood waiting for his girlfriend i bit my lip as i walked past his friend cody spotting me grabbing my arm saying something i couldnt understand. I shook his arm off quickly and ran off, looking long enough to see tanner looking at me […]
Rants
Well, i thought it was time to introduce myself. I’m a girl, sixteen years and I’m from The Netherlands (Please don’t mind my spelling and grammar) . My nickname (Engeltje) is Dutch and it means (Little) Angel. I live in the area of Amsterdam (I guess most of you know Amsterdam :P) . I live with my parents and an older sister. So that’s the general part and now a part that goes about my life. Okay, I’ll try to keep it short, so I will only tell the most important things.
I don’t know how it goes in the USA, but in The Netherlands […]
My head is a mess. I’m only 19. I’m a girl but I want to be a boy, no one knows that. My mom only stays with us one month per year ’cause she has to work in another country, my dad has mental problems, I live with him, yay. I only have one friend but we don’t share everything.
I was supposed to live. I was supposed to give something to this world. But no, I’m here, preparing my suicide. No note left, just my Tumblr account can clarify some things about the real me. I have no talent, no social skills, no motivations, just […]
Are people that want to commit suicide mentally ill? Yes; at least that is what almost all doctors, psychiatrists, law enforcement personnel and people that claim to have moral superiority and responsibility for monitoring the world population and assuring that everyone have their (questionable) values (and judgments) will tell you. Since these very same people have never seriously considered ending it all and their mind has been clouded (over the years) by religious dogma that has been crammed down their throat. Now they think they have the right to steer their touted morals into controlling the actions of everyone on the planet. With the threat […]
Yeah I hate my life, but at least I don’t pretend anyone cares. I don’t delude myself with fantasies that my deep, tortured writings are too sophisticated for my peers, or reflect some unappreciated brilliance. I’m a useless tool just like all of you, it’s why we’re on this blog. I’m not special, and I wasn’t meant to live for more than the nothing I’ve created for myself. Stop writing bad poetry. Just do what I’m doing and sit by yourselves and cry about the hell you’ve turned your lives into, but good God do it humbly.
And stop pretending you’re worth more than you feel you are; […]
I contemplated suicide today but didn’t go through with it. At the moment I was ready to go because I felt so overwhelmed and I asked myself “what  am I doing here?” I felt like I was at a dead end, where there was no point to moving forward because it’s the same thing everyday and this is the first time I’ve ever felt so certain about it.  I’m so tired of struggling and no amount of “it will get better” or “keep trying” makes me feel better not even expressing myself on here does. This week I’ve had two triggers both were […]
Lucky him he’s moved onto a new girl i should be happy, but its only to ironic. Tanners new girlfriend is Ryanne, ive been talking to her ex dylan. She said i’d look cute with him but even though i like him i dont wanna date him, one because i wanted to give them both time to heal, and because of the fact i dont wanna date anyone cause im still not over tanner, i dont wanna use anyone as a rebound.
It’s not fair i hate all of them all this fucked up shit, i wonder if tanner knows those more recent scars on my […]
(might be triggering)
i’d say it began in 6th grade; they made me weak by pointing out my flaws. i had thought, why would anybody want me if i look like this? i began giving away my food because i didn’t want to be fat, i never smiled because i didn’t like my teeth, i didn’t talk much because i didn’t like what i often said. they persuaded me to hate myself.
so when he would pay attention to me, in 7th grade, i felt happy. too happy. he was the first to see my scars. he told me he cared. but he only wanted one thing..
it wasn’t […]
Feeling lonely. I hate it. Sick of feeling isolated from everything.
sometimes I think I think too much. I get paranoid and fearful. I can see all of the worst case scenarios clearly but not nearly enough of the good. I notice it but it doesn’t seem solid to me. I’ve been programmed to think that only bad things can happen to me and those around me. I notice the good that comes usually is a result of a concentrated effort, a conspiracy towards success on behalf of a person who is cared for and loved. Perhaps it isn’t that. Perhaps this is my overthinking things again. But I notice all of these details, the differences, […]
The mistake that most people make when committing suicide is a total lack of planning and just acting on the spur of the moment. Under those circumstances it is no wonder that things do not go as expected. I am not telling you to not do it, but rather examine your desires to end it all and thoroughly research the method of dispatching yourself. Don’t rush the process, you have your whole life ahead of you to decide when to end it all. 😉
You do not want to wake up in a hospital bed with half your head blown off. If you think that you had problems […]
Hi everyone, here is something that I wrote within the past week awhile contemplating my way out and was going to post it on another site but then got thinking about the Suicide Project. It is kind of lengthy.
Subject: Suicide thoughts; The Pros and Cons…according to me. Â 1/2/13
What circumstance(s) often lead to the act of suicide? Loss of a child? Financial problems? Marital problems? Dating problems? Depression and drug use among many other things. Old age coupled with loneliness and the every day pains that old age brings on. Is suicide truly an act of hurting oneself? In my opinion it depends a lot […]
My anxiety is slowly pushing me over an edge that I’m not ready to go over. See, for the past week my anxiety has been driving me absolutely insane. I’ve been sitting in my room, waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. Is it good or bad? I don’t know. I don’t know what it is or what I’m waiting on but last night it hit it’s peak. I felt like I had something to do. Something important. I kept pacing across my floor, hoping I’d know what it meant. Which, finally, subsided 4 hours latter. Maybe this is a way of telling myself to try and get better? Or […]
i now have a girlfriend and yes she’s great. i think we started things too fast though, i don’t feel she knows enough about me to actually love me, although that’s kinda how i’d rather keep it. i mean, if she knew everything about me i know she wouldn’t ever want me the way she wants me now.
she has tried to make me promise i’ll stop hurting myself, i’ll start eating, i’ll smile more, and i promised her i’d try. but to be honest i think i’m addicted to this life. i’m comfortable with the feelings of self hatred and loathing, no matter how bad i’d like […]
I love you.
Gay or straight.
Woman or man.
Black or white or blue.
I love you.Â
And don’t you ever forget that.
Should i tell the truth of what took six years to figure out.. My story
IÂ resist the urge to slice at my wrist, i try to fight but i’m losing any strength i had left, im thinking bout running away. Gathering a shit ton of money and just leaving, i hate this town.. this place.. everything about it.
My parents yelling at me for everything, never showing any aprecation, i passed all my first semester classe 86+ and they start yelling cause i owe 1.5 hours to the school and im gonna loose all my credits if i dont complete them, not even congradulating me on my grade. Btw i have till febuary 28 to complete them.
My ex is driving me […]
I hate how people jokingly say that they are going to kill themselves over something. The phrase, “I want to kill myself” or “you should just go kill yourself” comes up so often in normal day conversations around me, well, it makes me sick to my stomach. When I went to go see Les Miserables in the theatre, after the one main character killed himself, someone started a slow clap. And you know what was worse? Other people joined in. I want to yell at those people.
Do you understand how offensive that is to me? Do you know how long I’ve considered killing myself? Do you know my friend killed […]
So I managed to get a girlfriend, and she was so cute,and sweet, and understanding, and I fell in love on day one, and she claimed so did she. Unfortunatly she lived about an hour away. Now there isn’t anything wrong with that, except today she told me she had been having sex with my best friend, and her best friend, everyday we had dated (4-5 days) and Now I want to die. I’ve been hurt and used so many times. I’m honestly thinking about ending it al tonight…..
I have been traveling for the past few months. Â Thought that doing so might give me a new perspective on life. Might make me actually want to endure the pain of chemotherapy to keep going. Â But once I returned the feeling went away.
My end date will be February 25 for sure now. Â Enough time for me to set up certain things for my nieces and nephews and spend some time with them. Â My family and everyone I know thinks I am going to Japan or Korea to live except for one friend who figured it out on her own.
How do you tell people you care […]
Right now, things seem to be getting better. I’m able to go on without my razor as much, I can enjoy music like I used to, laugh purely because I want to, not feel that pain that can’t be explained somewhere within my heart…
But that will all change when school starts again. When I have to rejoin the real world, and see it for what it is. When it presses itself against my face – when reality comes back to wake me from my dreamworld that I created to protect myself – It will all be as it were. I’ll be cutting again, empty, emotionless […]