WAITING…

I think I’m waiting to die…I wake up and all i think about is the end of the day.  THE only time I’m happy is when i sleep.  When i think about killing myself…i don’t think about is a WRONG…i think of it a solution.  A solution to the problem of my pathetic life.  Everyone in my life thinks I’m just PERFECT…but I’m not so far…I feel like I’m a BRAND NEW CAR…running on cheap water-downed gas.  So I’m waiting…WAITING for GOD to take me away from here.  I wouldn’t mind if it was painful…SOMETIMES i think i cant feel any EMOTIONS…i feel cold and dark inside…I don’t think i could ever kill myself because I’m just a COWARD…hopefully GOD hears my prayers…and does something about my pain…until then I’m WAITING…

I DONT know why I’m so unhappy or “suicidal.”  But sometimes I can see myself doing it.  BUT like i said I’m a coward.  I haven’t told anybody about the way i feel…they wont understand.  Especially my “friends” they are just a bunch of preppy people who only look out and care for them selves.  They are so…fake.  My whole life has been fake.  When i sit at home alone…i don’t even think i can be who i really am…I THINK I’m afraid of myself…I try to be the person people want me to be… I HATE MY LIFE.  I wouldn’t mind being just some normal kid who isn’t to smart… but i cant I live everyday know that i hate myself.  I believe in GOD and THE BIBLE…but if there is a GOD why would he let me suffer??? 

I mean I’m a good person, I’ve tried all my life to be the best….but the best isn’t want I want.  ITS what THEY want.  I just want to be left alone.  To be able to die…and have no one to mourn me…that is what I want.  BUT I GUESS I’M JUST WAITING…