I think this is the beginning of the end. My 15th birthday was almost a month ago, I wasn’t ever suppose to make it that far. I’m suppose to be dead, I want to be dead. It’s the summer where I live and everyone seems to be having the time of there life, everyone except me. I don’t leave my house, my bed to be more specific. I don’t need to leave the house in order to feel judged, I’m my worse critic. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, I’m nothing that anyone wants. I don’t even like myself, let alone love myself. It’s impossible to love someone you despise. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. And I guess I’ve gotten good at hiding everything that no one even bothers anymore. Or maybe no one actually cares. I mean I wouldn’t care about me if I were another person. I’m a waste of oxygen, a waste of good organs the someone else deserves. I don’t deserve anything I have, I deserve to suffer. But I want out, I want a gun to put to my head, a rope to tie around my neck. Anything that will stop the pain, I just want to stop breathing. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep going on like this. But I’m just fine, thanks for not asking. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be dead and forgotten soon.
4 comments
Why do you feel you do not deserve these things?
In terms of you not being pretty, trust me, I’m not the best looking guy, either.
Do you want someone to talk to? I’m here if needed. I want to know more of your story, write me if you wish.
My email address is: brl.cents@gmail.com
Thank you, I really do appreciate you taking the time to read my pathetic story. And I guess I’ve just always thought I don’t deserve these thing, I mean there are so people in the world that are dying when all they want to do is live. Yet, I’m here waiting to die. I’m just a horrible person who should just die already so I can stop being a disappointment and a failure.
Please don’t forget that, at 15, the majority of your life is ahead of you. Once high school ends, you can essentially begin on your own path… college, the military, work, or something else. Sometimes we go through a really difficult period in life before we start to see the sun. The teenage years are often difficult… but they often transition to other years.
Don’t give up.
That’s the thing though, for some people, their lives do get better as they get older but that wouldn’t be me. I have no purpose in this world, everything I want to do with my life is everything that I will never be able to accomplish. I’m going nowhere in life and I don’t see the point of keeping that up. It’s been like this since 6th grade and I’m suppose to be a sophomore this upcoming year, things haven’t changed and I doubt they will in the future. But thank you for taking your time to read my story and reply, I appreciate it a lot!