I always wanted to live to 2050, i would have been 68. Now that thought makes me fucking sick with fear anxiety and disgust, oh god I can just about imagine another year of this and things will only get worse and more undignified. I need to start working out a plan to guarantee death, reduce the pain of suicide or face it head on. Ive been alone for a week, nothing can make my damaged brain better so it is logical to stay in bed all day or play xbox for hours. It is then logical to try to end my life […]
Agonizing
Agonizing
35 year old male forcibly injected with lobotomizing drugs and brain damaged in February 2018. Used to be a programmer, musician, painter, psychedelics user, gym goer, and happy, now a restless unmotivated brain dead zombie subhuman after receiving 2 antipsychotic injections when i was never crazy. Stay away from psychiatrists they ruin lives in ways you cannot imagine.
My nightmare is now reaching its 6th month, everyone said i would get better, unfortunately for me ive proved them wrong, my brain has reached the bottom of the psychiatric barrel because of the systems disgusting forced medication practices. The government did the most vicious barbaric crime against me, they violated my human rights beyond belief and forced a poisonous cocktail of drugs into my veins, i wouldnt do this to my worst enemy. Im left with no option but suicide, ive cried more times and more intensely than i bargained for over the span of my life. Only those hit with antipsychotics […]
Would you be happy to die in your sleep tonight if it was a one time offer of guaranteed peaceful painless exit?
36 hours in bed depressed, not eating just the occasional hit of weed and some water, would like to stop eating and starve to death maybe ill try that today and see how far i get. Mainly i want to pull myself togther for one last go at employment to raise suicide cash. Thats the only thing i have to motivate me, the prospect of ending it all, just need to be well enough to get a job
Hurt unrest pain no pleasure no reward no life no focus no energy no concentration no hope no peace no happiness no dreams no escape except through death, life is truly worthless to my damaged brain. I will never recover enough to enjoy anything, no real change in 6 months of straight evil torture just improved or adapted enough to not be compelled to suicide daily. Hopefully recovering enough to get a job and pay for my peaceful suicide or ill have to find something to hang from, life is over im brain damaged and nothing can change. Fuck psychiatrist scum dont take antipsychotics or […]
I was intensely suicidal for months until two weeks ago when i started feeling better and life became worth it. I want to carry on living and recovering for now but im also very keen on making sure i can readily kill myself when i feel to in future, the option needs to always be there so when times get tough or pointless or if i just feel like its time to go, i can do it painlessly and possibly in comfort. I want a suicide kit, everybody should have an escape plan, how naive and irresponsible it is not to. What if i became […]
I got fucked with an antipsychotics injection in February and it made life unbearable, I researched so many ways to kill myself and made several attempts at my life. I have been bed ridden for all this time groaning for hours in pain barely able to look after myself, I woke up daily to 5 hour long headaches and had no energy, motivation or ability to feel pleasure, i.e. anhedonia. I thought I was permanently brain damaged.
I had given hope on Sunday and planned on killing my neighbour who was ultimately the cause of why I got sectioned and injected (because he woke me up […]
I am more keen on drop hanging after my last partial suspension attempt, that last attempt pushed me past my threshold, but the rope i used snapped possibly as I was on my way out. i had a black eye, my throat hurt for days, and my elbow was damaged somehow, i may well have passed out because i also dont know how some things in the wardrobe where i hanged ended up scattered on the floor. I’m back in the same situation that led to all my previous attempts, thus compelled to try again. It mortifies me to think that I may have succeeded […]
I can’t take what’s happened to my brain life was perfect before I got this psychotic injection. I don’t know how I’ve made it through each day in the last 4 months. No-one should go through this except child killers, there is a hidden mass murder of mental patients going on. I’m so hurt thinking what life should be like and can’t stop trying to go back in time in my mind to fix things, im in a mental straightjacket its so brutal, once sectioned by mental health it’s almost impossible to escape without being injected as Ive learnt.
I’ve lived a nonstop extreme nightmare that feels […]
Noose snapped still tied to my neck and I was too disoriented to tell, found myself in the bathroom looking in the mirror feeling extreme strain and not knowing why I was feeling increasing danger, and I said out “what’s going on?” thinking i had come out the noose hence the fact i was now in the bathroom away from the hanging wardrobe, I was confused I could still feel the tie and i started picking at it and then saw it was frayed, i pulled at it desperately until I could loosen the rope, I got it off and threw myself on the bed […]
Neck tight in noose and clenched fists, rocking my arms for strength, was angry and focused, reminded me of weight training, i shut out all thoughts and concentrated on increasing the neck pressure and letting my body go more limp, I ignored thoughts telling me to stop and instead i thought about what ive suffered, then had the thought of taking an overdose and how nice it would be to not have to fight for death, and i got distracted and then came realisation I can’t do it at this time, and I got up and freed myself. Frustrated. Ready to try again.
4 months of being reminded nonstop that life is now for suffering not for living. Will not hesitate to overdose when I have the drugs. I’ll get coked up, tripping, stoned and drunk for as long as I can and then overdose on more drugs when Im coming down, give the death a running start. Really cant measure my suffering since february, not had a moments rest, got lobotomized by antipsychotics injections, life is unrecognizable and unbearable.
Was told by a couple people I was the best happiest or most intelligent person they knew, now I’m the most fucked up person i […]
Can’t stop trying to turn back time to when I made the biggest mistake of my life and agreed to let doctors who misdiagnosed me as schizophrenic and injected me with paliperidone, an antipsychotic, which has destroyed my brains pleasure function.
I took cocaine yesterday for the first time since getting injected, i was unable to feel a thing from it, no inner warmth no rush of pleasure, just a flat bone dry brain. This further confirms it for me, i am devoid of anything nice and good if even cocaine can’t make me feel pleasure for a minute. I was right to attempt suicide for […]
I had one injection of antipsychotics 4 months ago because of malpractice, here’s the outcome
I have anhedonia, i literally cant feel pleasure or reward , instead there is anxiety, restlessness, nausea
My inner emotions and thoughts are in constant unrest
I can’t play xbox for 5 minutes to relax, the unrest dominates every moment
Music doesn’t give me an inner good feeling, I feel rubbed up the wrong way by anything stimulating and pleasurable
I compulsively ruminate nonstop trying to turn back time to I spend hours in bed trapped in my mind
I cry everyday like I’ve just lost my family and the pain is raw, but the pain […]
So far in 2 weeks I have tried to hang myself several times, I have tried the helium hood, I have snuck into a 5 storey block to contemplate jumping off. I now want to die at home by drugs overdose, hopefully I can get hold of the drugs and not suffer too much in the mean time.
I’ve noticed my fear of suicide always varies, sometimes I freak out at the thought of killing myself, other times I only feel a strong urge. I wonder what it will be like to take a suicide pill, will I go into a fearful panic once swallowed or will […]