So I got sectioned/committed into a mental hospital and they wouldn’t let me go for 5 whole months. I patiently rode it out and gladly got back home. I thought things would get better at this point but I’m having fights with my girlfriend over stupid little things and i’m continually thinking about death every second. I was looking forward to the new wow expansion coming out to focus on that and numb the pain but my girlfriend has an issue with it saying im selfish and dont want to spend time with her. I want to be dead and i’m envious of all the […]
I know you won’t believe me, but you feel suicidal because you have too much, not because you have too little. Believe me, once you get diagnosed with a terminal condition and suffering becomes a very real prospect, you will want to live and be healthy again more than you could imagine. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel the way you do, you are not responsible for your genetics or circumstances you were born into. But please do not throw your life away unaware of the value of life.
So it’s been 2-3 years since I started posting on this forum and I’m beginning to piece together things from the past. When I left the call centre 2-3 years ago I received a lot of government funding and was living comfortably and happy, much to the dismay of others who were having to go to work. I was labelled a thief and looking back on it now many people were conspiring to bring about my death. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Social Phobia and I took out my frustration and hatred online and to those around me. It’s becoming apparent to me that […]
So it’s been 2-3 years since I started posting on this forum and I’m beginning to piece together things from the past. When I left the call centre 2-3 years ago I received a lot of government funding and was living comfortably and happy, much to the dismay of others who were having to go to work. I was labelled a thief and looking back on it now many people were conspiring to bring about my death. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Social Phobia and I took out my frustration and hatred online and to those around me. It’s becoming apparent to me that […]
It’s been three years since I almost died after spending too much time on this website when I was extremely mentally unwell. I had ordered heroin from the darknet in an attempt to reduce my suffering if I gathered the courage to jump from a high rise or into oncoming traffic. The substance arrived in an unstamped envelope and almost killed me. It wasnt heroin and did nothing but cobstrict my lungs and try to shut down my brain, which makes me think it was either the government or local paramilitaries responsible for the attempted murder. I’ve suffered incredibly poor health since then through trouble […]
So I spent the first moments of the new year on the phone to Lifeline (a UK service) and the only thing they were interested in was persuading me there’s reason to live or having me committed.
But what if you’re past that point? What if you’re determined to die and just want to talk to someone impartially? I feel it’s disrespectful to completely ignore the suicidal persons issues or pretend they don’t exist just to be a hero(ine).
So I’m still here questioning my suicide method, to sit drunk at the edge of a tower block, take a cocktail of tablets, then inhale a huge amount […]
There’s nothing like Christmas to remind me of how little people care anymore. I got no cards or gifts from anyone other than my aunt, whilst everyone else had friends who bought them presents and visited them over the holiday. The friends of my family don’t mention and ignore me completely. For years I’ve suffered with mental illness and the only thing that was keeping me here was my family because I felt they cared and I didn’t want to hurt them with my suicide. Well I don’t have to worry about that anymore, so within the next few days I will make my suicide […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDM2QRW-kD0
After falling this far, it should be easy to slit my throat and end a lifetime of misery within 10 minutes. Have I got the balls?
I delay suicide because I’m afraid of the other side but deep down I know things will never be OK. Everything’s telling that I’ve long past my welcome… I’ve no money or friends and I’m financially dependent upon society and family to stay alive, everyone who’s known me thinks I’m a joke of a person, and i’m too damaged to function in society or ever be good at anything. I am either brain damaged or was born with an intellectual disability and I have no ability or personality to belong on this earth. I fooled myself into thinking I was getting better but I’ll always be […]
I realise things will never get better for me. I’m a an ugly retard with no personality or talent and I have chronic mental health problems (borderline personality disorder, social anxiety). This life is futile, I’m a moron and there is no point to my existence. But how can I end it when there are people who love me and vice-versa? My aunt adopted me after my mum died and she spent years, $1000s, and energy treating me as her own despite my differences and what I put her through. I think it would tear her apart. But what’s the alternative? If I stay here […]
Everyone thinks they know best, exactly what you need and if you disagree it’s your illness. How the fuck do they know? I’ve been “ill” for 10 years and now everyone wants to tell me what I need to do. At the end of the day they can label you anything but you’re the only person who truly knows who you are.
I have discovered that I don’t want to die, I want to live but just can’t bear the reality I’m faced with (having no redeeming qualities and having no place in this world). I didn’t understand what it actually meant to die and that scares the living shit out of me. To think how close I came to jumping from a skyscraper and being sucked into a vacuum to never feel or experience anything ever again… it’s hard to believe it’s what I wanted. It was only in coming to close to death that saved my life. But my life is still shattered and I […]
About a month ago I OD’d on heroin and wound up in the hospital. Ever since I’ve been getting what I think are panic attacks, where I feel like I can’t breathe and that I’m about to suffocate. Even in A&E the psychologist didn’t take me seriously but I am seriously messed up… I’ve been waiting 2 months to see a psychiatrist after stating I was suicidal because she cancels the appointments but I can’t sleep for days, I have auditory hallucinations (hear people say things about me when they’re not), extreme paranoia and I’m afraid to leave the house. If that ***** has the […]
I don’t know why I continue living this pointless existence. I’m an idiot, nobody gives a shit about me if anything they hate me, and things will never change. I went through all of my previous facebook posts and conversations and I feel like everything I’ve said is just so fucking stupid and judging my the number of likes (1-4 max) everyone else feels the same way. This is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been seriously suicidal and now I don’t see the point of taking medication to hide my idiocy from myself, I’m never going to have a worthwhile life. It’s only fear […]
I’ve always felt there’s something seriously wrong with me and the gap between me and others has increased and become more obvious over the years. I can’t communicate and I end up being hated by every single person who ever gets to know me, and then they label my insecurity and fear as ‘social anxiety disorder’ as if it’s an unnatural response. When I appear online on facebook people go offline and someone’s just said “god I give up” just because I, liked her post. How can I not commit suicide when I am so brain damaged that I can’t even communicate to kids or […]
Two nights ago I nearly died from an overdose. Before I took the drug I was suicidal but as I was ODing I freaked out and did everything to survive. The entire next day I was so relieved to be alive and felt that this was the turning point I needed. That night I felt myself change back, and all the depression and insecurities slipped back in. Today I find myself wishing that I did die because I am faced with constant reminders that I am useless and will never live a satisfactory life. I’m sitting here thirsty, starving and unable to go to the […]
I’d never felt more suicidal than I had felt today. I was so determined to put an end to this life within the next couple of weeks. I thought that since I had stooped so low I might as well try heroin, it’s not like I had any further to fall. So I chased the dragon, not intending to kill myself at that point but just for a release. It didn’t feel orgasmic or incredibly intense at the time, just relaxed like I could nod off at any time. So I thought that was that and I went to bed. All of a sudden I […]
Today was the first day in several months I woke up NOT feeling severely suicidal. I’ve been trying really hard to break through these feelings of worthlessness and find a way to make a life for myself no matter what the cost. But it’s clear to me now that everyone absolutely fucking despises me and I deserve to be in a box underground. The first thing that happens is I log into facebook and my brother’s wife (one of the only people in my life) logs off IMMEDIATELY when she sees i’m online. Second, I ask a customer service person where to find royal mail boxes […]
I keep slipping further and further down, this life is a bottomless pit. I’ve sold almost everything I’ve owned, my house (freely rented since I became homeless) is a state, I look like shit, I can’t sleep, communicate or learn, and I’m too depressed to do anything about to care for those things. I’ve been racking my a brains trying to find some way of making money, looking into things I shouldn’t but I’m too stupid to even make money illegally. It’s all patched up or too complicated. I’m clinging on for dear life but I’m already dead. I can’t accept it, I’ve always had […]
I don’t think I’ll ever know when to walk away from life, it’ll be more of a spur of the moment, angry and impulsive act. I am worth less than nothing. You know the kind of person you’d accuse your friend of being to offend them (“you’re a fucking idiot / ugly bastard / freak / no dick / boring / loser”). I’m every single one of those things and it’s not just self-loathing, it’s the truth. I am literally retarded and everything else that’s bad. I’m a walking joke. The incredible thing is that despite knowing this and the amount of pain I’ve been through […]
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