Suicide is heavy on my mind and all I want to do is slit my skin until the internal pain is gone.
IrrationalLion
Im honestly doing okay right now im having my bad moments but other than that im alright for now. But for some reason I have the urge nearly daily if not multiple times a day to cut. I won’t but I just dont understand why the urge won’t leave me
I want to message him so bad and tell him to get over this little fight were in. I just want to hang out with him and joke and laugh lie we always do. I have no pride when it comes to approaching him, it’s so easy for me to just send him a message. My issue is he wasn’t there for me when I really needed him to be. In fact he left me knowing how bad I was. It shouldn’t be my job to reach out to him. I would have no problem whatsoever if I felt this could go either way but […]
Honestly were all a little bit of our own counselors right? I mean most of us have mental illnesses if not one, multiple.. Everyday living in our heads trying to figure ourselves out. Sometimes yes we dwell or become biased and our heads become clouded with other thoughts while trying to fix the problem like suicide, self hate, etc. But at the end of the day this started from trying to solve our own problems right? Think about that.. you’re a functioning person with one or multiple mental illnesses. Constantly trying to figure yourself out and solve the problems that haunt your brain. Give yourself […]
I’ve come to learn im addicted to love. Without it I see no purpose in my life and have absolutely no motivation to continue. There’s one person in particular who has dictated much of my life the past 4 years. I would drop dead just to be with him although he claims he feels the same, he doesn’t. He’s more individualistic while I thrive on relations and having someone be my person. When we call it quits I try to move on and the one time I successfully found another person I genuinely liked. Our timing was off but I still felt so deeply for […]
I wrote my letters. Maybe a few more to go. Then I have to put them in a safe place. I started self harming and at this point I thought maybe thats what I needed. I felt good for a second then my pain was all still there. In that moment I let myself go. Im at peace if I decide to kill myself. Ive been holding onto this pain for too long I don’t want this life. The only thing holding me back is my promise to myself. That I wouldn’t kill myself until I tried leaving this life of mine and moving away […]
just when you think your life should be getting better because you’re thinking can it really get much fucking worse? the answer for me was clearly yes. I need out of my head I don’t know how long I can last by myself like this. It’s a different kind of hell.
It’s actually pretty insane how people say if you tell someone how you feel it will help, just do it. I have told 3 licensed doctors I am suicidal but won’t kill myself but that I am severely depressed. Told a counselor how awful I have felt for years and the ways I’d like to end it even. You can tell anyone how shitty your mental health is and no one cares. No one can help you from what I’ve experienced and if they can they didn’t try to with me at all. I don’t like to burden people I know by telling them this […]
im by a lake right now. I can kill myself here & it would be lovely. As in the view is nice the place is peaceful I’d love to end myself by this lake here. Is cruel to do this in such a nice place ?
Is about what I would love right now. I want to sit in the bath and slice away at my skin until the water turns from clear to red. If I knew my parents wouldn’t come home and discover my body I’d just attempt it right now. I’ve tried so long now to wait and I’ve tried changing the things I could but this just isn’t worth it anymore. It’s a never ending circle of sadness and im fucking over living it. I don’t know what I’ll do from here but I just want this pain in my soul to stop.
For me its dangerous. My thoughts take over and I get so sad I can’t help it. It’s unusual fo me to be scared of my own actions because im always the one in control physically but I want to self harm so bad. If anyone on this website knew about me they would think nothing was wrong. I just finished my first year of college and I’m in a sorority. But at the center of soul there is a deep, dark sadness I will always come back to when I am alone, that I constantly carry with me. Im finally scared one day that […]
I went counseling for the first time. I thought this was going to give me hope and at first it did, it felt like I was taking a step in the right direction. except I can’t tell them how I really feel. They have policies and if they think I could leave and kill myself then they would have to do something about it. If I was to be completely honest with my counselor, I would probably be hospitalized because the idea of ending myself is something I think of every day. When I told her I had been depressed since age 13 and had […]
I don’t care. I don’t care about school, I don’t care about my grades, studying, exams , homework, I don’t care about my future at all. I don’t care enough to kill myself or even self harm. I wake up and fall asleep constantly sad and careless about life. I can’t tell anyone how depressed I am, no matter who it is, I don’t feel comfortable at all telling anyone. To talk about it or start fixing it. I don’t know what to do but I guess I’ll see where not giving a shit takes me.
And they may notice some things they’d like to change. Or mentally point out imperfections they wish looked differently. Or if they’re lucky, they’re content with what they see. As for me, I look at my legs today and want to slice them. I want to make even more cuts all over in the name of self hatred. Self hatred is expensive though. Takes a lot of energy to hide scars after they’ve been made for life and even more expensive to get a tattoo and cover them. Especially just to feel the same way after.
I have such bad tendencies to get attached fast. Not even truly attached but it’s like a role I take on. Im currently talking to someone and im finding myself asking what is this, what am I doing ?, how serious is this? and I get pretty jealous and insecure over it but as I sit back and ask myself what I want I don’t even know if I want something that serious. I just got out of a long relationship few months ago and im probably not ready for something just yet but here I am being jealous and clingy and wanting this persons […]
its so fucking easy to give up and tell myself this stupid future im planning for myself is fucking dumb and unrealistic and that ill never make it in life and that im screwing over people I get close to because im such a difficult person. Like having me in your life will literally add stress. I actually just wanna disappear forever because Im so over the life im living and im out of motivation
I woke up early this morning for no reason which is unusual for me. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. When I did this something told me to kill myself. It was in my head and it was loud and persuasive. I backed away after a few seconds because I thought if I stood there longer I might’ve done something. I don’t know if I trust myself.
and honestly I think it always will be. Im fine if I’m hanging out or doing tasks but once I settle back down and have time to let it wander and truly see things for how they are its never good. I know many people go too far and make themselves upset but I think I see it for what it really is and the pain that causes me is too much.
I need you so much. Why did you leave me ? Ive lost many people I was seriously close with but losing you isn’t the same. Losing you is actually like losing half of myself. I can’t stop crying. Our memories playing on repeat in my head is haunting. Im praying to the fate of the world that some how you’ll come back to me. Im scared of what will happen if you never return..
I knew my soul was dying but up until now there was always something still keeping me here. I don’t feel it anymore. I feel my soul slowly dying.I feel myself going down a path of a girl who doesn’t care what happens. I’m trying to stop myself and keep myself on the right path but I can’t help it I just don’t care anymore about anything. It all seems so pointless when I’m this miserable. I wish I could kill myself or at least harm myself or, probably the smarter option, go get counseling but I honestly can’t imagine finally talking to someone after […]