lonewolf23

Why? Well because I won’t be around very long for me to even bother creating a connection with anyone. All you are is a coworker….nothing more. It’s not that you’re a bad person or that I find you annoying. I don’t think I’m better than you or anything like that. I just know myself too well. I know I’m too broken inside to allow myself to partake in companionship. I truly believe this and so you won’t see me making an effort to sneak a joke in or start a conversation. It honestly feels foreign to me. You see I’ve been broken for a while […]

So the title is pretty self explanatory. I’ll be brutally honest here….I’m a piece of shit! I am selfish loser who will have to do his time in jail. A couple of days ago I got arrested for a DUI that involved two other innocent people. They’re cars were messed up and especially the one that was directly in front of me when I crashed. Thankfully no one was hurt despite how crowded it was however that could of very easily turned deadly. In Arizona it is law that you go to jail at least for 10 days (which is nothing) and can expect time […]

I was wondering if anyone else has truly given up on trying to find a lover/soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. Is that too much for you to accept? That you’ll be alone for your short lifespan. I know I’ve made peace with it and I’m only 23 years old. But I know where I stand in this. I now live for a different purpose than the one most suburbia people strive for. I don’t want to have that relationship anymore…..I never had one and I don’t care anymore. I’m not turning into an incel….I refuse to think that way. To become an incel […]

I’m asking this not because I got dealt a bad hand but rather because I just don’t understand the purpose of life. Even when things were going right in my life I still asked this question and so I’ve always kinda been depressed about life in general. What are we here for? What’s my purpose and whats the purpose of other peoples lives? If this planet will be gone someday then what’ s the point? No one really leaves their mark. That’s just way to make oneself feel better about themselves. 50 years is nothing, 100 years is nothing, 2000 years is nothing, 500,000 years […]

I won’t subject myself to anymore ridicule and shame. I have decided that I don’t wanna pursue a relationship anymore. Why? Well because I hate that feeling of rejection. I hate it so much that I will avoid the possibility of it happening at all costs. I have discovered that I can actually still live a fulfilling life even without a significant other, gf, wife, soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. I know why women have rejected me. I will admit and own up to my flaws. I will work on my flaws and this will be an ongoing process from now on. But […]

Anyone else feel it? It feels like there’s more and more horrible things happening as time passes recently. People seem more angry and egotistical lately. My only escape from this reality has been booze and comedy. It’s like you can feel their negative energy. It’s scaring me to be honest. I’ve been hiding inside all day today because of this feeling. I have to go to work tomorrow but I guess I’ll just have to make the best of it and hopefully not piss anyone off on the road or at work. Maybe it’s due to Winter…..I don’t know maybe it’s just random or it’s […]

I stood up for myself a couple weeks ago with a passive aggressive coworker of mine and it felt pretty good. At my job there’s a lot of physical work to be done and it often requires more than 1 person to get it done as it’s sometimes impossible to do it on your own and it’s more time consuming even if you can do it on your own. But anyways me and this coworker of mine were loading huge storage unit doors onto a pallet. This particular coworker always seems to be in a bad mood or always trying to prove how tough he […]

I feel a void in myself. I feel so numb lately. I’m missing something from my life. Life feels so empty. There’s no excitement in it for me anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel lost. I’m not happy or sad. I just feel emotionless and I think that’s worse. Although from a former perspective I should feel sad but I can’t even shed a tear some days because even that’s too much work. Just one tear today and it was from looking at a beautiful picture someone had taken and posted online. Maybe it was a reminder of what […]

I feel this way all thr damn time! I’m sicken tired of having to use the booze to calm down. I’m so damn scared all the time. I don’t think i can ever heal. The pills don’t fucking work! I need the harder stuff thats actually legal like Xanax. My situation is so bad because I get all tense and people think I’m pissed at the world due to my facial muscles. When I’m super nervous my face gets tense too and so i end up looking like im mad….but im not. I hate my body for this but if my mind could simply stop […]

I hate it because people want to celebrate a day for someone as trashy as me. They shouldn’t bother to do anything for me. I really don’t understand why they even celebrate it and insist I come over for dinner. I haven’t been over to theirs because I always forget or I’m always too broke to even buy them a gift. Oftentimes I am too busy at work to go to their celebrations. Honestly I always feel awkward when people start calling me and texting me to wish me a happy birthday. I’m glad that they remember but this is exactly the reason why it […]

I’m an alcoholic. I hate it so much because I feel like have no control over my feelings and how I react to certain things. I only drink because I’m so anxious all the time. I wish I could just relax but I take everything so negatively. People like to tease me at work and so I use alcohol as a way to relax and laugh it off but its starting to get pricey as well as unhealthy. I haven’t gone a day without drinking in months now…maybe a couple years. Its every day. And my tolerance keeps getting greater and greater. I know what […]

Yeah there might be a handful of racists out there but I don’t give a shit. I may be a Chicano but I wont give into fear. I don’t want to think that every white and black dude is out to get me simply because they’re a different color than me. The racist peeps are only a minority found in every race. But I refuse to build a defensive mechanism of “being on the lookout” all the damn time around people who look different than me. I know reality doesn’t care about my feelings. But the only way I know how to stay sane is […]

I cut people off when they start getting close to me because I’m afraid of how great our companionship can be. I feel like I’m afraid of happiness because I know it doesn’t last very long. I refused to talk to anyone who was “gaining on me” today for this reason. I feel regretful for letting them in this much but I’m also glad at the same time. Does this make me a sociopath? Am I too fucked up to ever give friendship a chance ever again?

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately but I like it. I am such a nervous wreck usually but lately I’ve been able to keep my cool. I recently stopped drinking. Its been 4 days so far. I know it’s not long but its a step in the right direction. I was drinking every day for 4 years and some of this year. The odd thing about this is that I didn’t go through withdrawal after going cold turkey. I don’t even care what people think of me anymore….at least not a ridiculous amount. I still treat people kindly and with respect but now […]

I no longer need alcohol. I just use Zoloft. Call me weak all you want. In that case I’ll just call people who need wheel chairs weaklings too. How bout people who need contact lenses, crutches, braces, etc. By this comparison there ain’t much of a difference. So why does anti-anxiety drugs get so much hate? Why does medical marijuana get so much hate? Its because of people who misuse them but quit throwing everyone under the bus because we’re not all the same. Everyone liked it when I was anxious and shy because they could f*** with me so when I told people I […]

Yeah I was drunk but I still did my job better than all of my coworkers despite being under the influence of alcohol. The truth is they’re just jealous that I’m a drunken master. My skills actually improve when I’m drunk so I guess you can say I’m a high functioning alcoholic. Of course I’m using a cheat code. It just sucks how xanax and other prescription drugs are considered the “right” way to fight social anxiety and alcohol is demonized. I made it a point to not hold back once I got back to work all drunk. The looks on their faces were worth […]

I’m sicken tired of search results on YouTube being so biased. Everytime I look up physical abuse, I see results pop up mostly only involving women. Like wtf, women aren’t the only ones affected by this! How about we give the children some attention for once! It affects the children way more in my opinion. The mother had more power to end it than the child and YouTube wants to be biased?! As if the wife or girlfriend is the only one affected by the piece of shit husband or boyfriend! I take it as an insult on my pain. It’s as if YouTube is […]

I recently entered adulthood…I mean it wasn’t that recent but I’m 22yrs old now so I’m still kinda new. It seems the older I get, the more innocence I lose. I start learning more and more horrible truths about this world and it’s inhabitants. I can sense the negativity every waking second nowadays. I ain’t innocent from doing some horrible things myself but at least I make a conscious effort to sway away from negativity. I treat people with kindness and I really try my best to not judge people so harshly. And yes work can suck but I actually try to make the best […]

I haven’t felt this way in a while. It happens very rarely with me even when I should feel this way but i think I’ll let it have it’s expression for a change. I rarely get angry. I’m always really calm and easygoing but after cowering in my room for 5 days straight and not doing anything but sitting on my bed all day and napping here and there with a couple sides of deep thought…..I’ve had enough of just simply existing. I have 2 job interviews tomorrow so I guess that’s something to look forward to. I suppose it’s healthy to release some pent […]