souptool

I don’t know why I feel so much pain

I don’t know what’s real anymore

I’m so numb

I’ve tried to die so many times

I try to fix myself, but I’m so far gone.

I don’t know if I’m crazy, I just hate life, I hate it all its so fake.

I hate you and I hate me. I’m just stuck with this feeling in my heart and I don’t know why.

I fucking hope I die soon so bad. I’m so sick of wanting death.

Lived with depression my whole life.

I want to die every day.

I hate this planet.

I hate myself

What’s the coolest way to go out?

Extreme sport?

Extreme negligence?

Whats #1 coolest way to die?

Express and cast here.

I knew I shouldn’t have started drinking again

a month back on the bottle and I fully remember why I quit

I just wish life was easy.

I have to quit again but quitting sucks… so does drinking.

Fuuuuuuuuuck

4 months in jail

5 months in rehab

Right back where I started

Naked and drunk

Broke. No food in the fridge.

And all I want is more drugs.

What the fuck is wrong with me

A poem I wrote.

It makes me happy to read. I haven’t found love yet, but I try and I end up settling because I get desperate sometimes.

But this poem makes me happy because it lets me know I’m worth it. I’m worth loving, and I won’t settle. And that gives me comfort. I’m good enough. I’m not amazing or extra ordinary. But, I’m good enough. And that’s all right with me today.

so my last suicide attempt ended up with me going to jail for 4 months. Now I’m in rehab for at least 4 months.

I took a box of sleeping pills and got drunk, apparently I decided to go for a drive, my ex said I was going to her place. I remember I wanted to jump off her building at one point, so I was probably trying to do that.

I stole a bottle of liquor from the store and Cops got called, when they caught up with me I took them on a high speed car chase.

Got arrested, spent 4 months in jail.

I’m happy I’m […]

I’m just wondering if my depression has some sort of pattern so I can be more prepared next time. Suicide is still a daily thought, but Id like to figure out a solution cause this is getting old

Anyone else suffer from addiction out there?

Some of us make decisions

Some of us know the concequences

Some of us accept

Some of us deny

Couple attempts after and seems I have myself sorted out for the time being.

pretty optimistic I guess. Little numb still but it feels nice not to have that horrible depression looming over me.

Figure from now on I try my hardest to stay positive or at least neutral. No point letting myself get depressed. I feel more control over my emotions lately so getting there. Mental health is a tricky issue, people like me have to be very careful where we let our minds go cause it can lead me to some pretty dark places.

Glad I’m alive, can have a bad day or a good day.. […]

All I want is to die, why is it so hard to kill myself?

My date is approaching, I’m debating on Wether or not to travel to Mexico and do it there.. least it’d be a beautiful place to die. I dunno could just as easily save the $ and leave it for my mom and dad.

I dunno what does the Internet think?

The last 5 years or so I’ve been saying next year, if this year doesn’t get better next year I’m doing it. The last 2 winters I was serious January 1st I was going to kill myself. This past 365 days I’ve tried 3 times. The first time was the most serious I took a shit ton of pills and medications after a night of heavey drinking drugging I honestly think I died and came back. Second time was just pills and led to a really bad heartburn for a good 3 days.

anyways this year I decided to set a date. Most of my actions […]