I’m so fucking tired. I did what all of these dickshit fucking therapists say. “Do fucking yoga”, “take deep breaths”, “see loved ones”, “eat good”. Shit I’ve done fucking all of it, and I’m still ready to blast my fucking brains out. I’m so tired of this being the constant. I’ve used up all my energy to get to the fucking point I can do all the bullshit they say you’re supposed to, but it doesn’t mean shit when you’ve already attempted a few times. Nothing fucking changes, nothing’s going to until I do myself in or something else takes me out. God fucking damn.
Category:
Chronic Pain
I hope that if my family/loved ones ever see this account or posts etc that they know they had nothing to do with the bad of how i feel. I’m sorry I can’t love them enough to like latch onto their feelings for my reason to try some more.
Today has been a very emotionally taxing today .Laughing with them too the edge off for a while x
Dear loved ones y’all have been awesome and done all you could ,this is all on me. I hope ill get to meet yoy again in better condition ! x you really are special x
My life sucks.
To start off, my mom. Suffice to say my mom is an abusive neglectful stupid sadistic fucking ****. I’d like to say my was abused and an abuser, but quite frankly, my mom is a petty, manipulative covert narcissist and I’m pretty sure she just frustrated every man she’d ever been with to the point that they’d beat on her. Well. Randy, the guy she was with, was probably abusive as well. Shit attracts shit. So either way she got beaten a lot and when I was almost 2 my 14 year old half brother beat my 3 year old sister to death […]
Since I was 10, my birthday wish has remained the same. All I wish for is for mother to die. Overtime, I noticed that it is quite hard for her to die. She is darn healthy all the time, even COVID did nothing to her.
She loves to draw her own conclusion without being informed. She said she knew I didn’t want to pursue my studies. For real, what does she know. Does she know how many nights I spent crying and feeling that I am useless, failing at every attempt I do? Does she know that my social anxiety is so severe that I hyperventilate […]
12/19/2022
i’m so tired. i’m 19 going on 20 years old and i’ve done absolutely nothing to show for it. i’m a quitter – i’ve quit on everything and everyone in my life except for the shitty drugs and the sex, the DIY piercings, the self-harm… i quit on everything that actually mattered.
i’m not going to ever get better. my bpd’s gonna strangle me the rest of my life.. so what’s the fucking point? might as well beat it to the punch, and sign off.
if a therapist were to evaluate me at this moment, i’d be fucked. grippy socks […]
Living with BPD sucks donkeyb@lls. I was doing okay, somewhat good even. I worked hard on this. Worked hard on healing. Then I have a problem that I go deeply into with my friend and I point out, that she’s just shrugging it off. How maddening, like I don’t have enough problems. Then she’s trying to pull focus on herself “Why do you always assume this and that about me”. Excuse me.?! I’m dying inside and she’s pretending that it’s okay to be a half-assed friend at this moment. Then she makes up a reason to get out of the conversation. If she doesn’t come […]
I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions. Whether I laugh it off, or say I’m okay, or avoid it like the plague, I know I’m not. It’s funny, (you can laugh) because some people might say that makes me a pathological liar.
However, sharing this with complete honesty and no take backsies, I hate the idea of being vulnerable. I hate talking about my issues. I hate that I hide it so well, everyone is either too stupid to believe it or too insignificant in my life to care.
What I hate even more though, is feeling like a burden to someone. Shocker […]
Last night, I was stressed. I feel like it’s just all my emotions beginning to leak out. I had a pretty bad headache too. I just kept slamming my palm into my forehead, hoping it would just stop. It gave me a moment of relief and then it just continued to hurt. I don’t like consuming medicine because it weakens your body’s natural fighting. It might sound like a stupid reason, but it’s not in the long run, it’s not. It’s like I’m stuck here, for 3 more years. It sucks. I still hate myself. my left arm still hasn’t healed and you can see […]
I am 17 and I was recently diagnosed with a chronic illness. I had already been diagnosed with two other ones, but this third one has really thrown my life out of wack. My parents and I have always had a bad relationship, but this new diagnosis has caused even more problems. I got behind on my schoolwork from a combination of this diagnosis and mental health issues. I ended up having to drop a class because I wasn’t able to keep up. That’s where we are at today. I tried to own up to my parents about what happened before they found out from […]
My girlfriend broke up with me, I still can’t get over her it’s been a couple of days and I still like her I have told her that and i am attempting to get with her again and in case you guys care I read every comment and listen to them most of the time it happened because I called her out for something she did it ended up in an argument and I called her a ***** a couple of times and her friends (one of them being my ex) told her to break up with me so she did. I have told her […]
Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)
Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).
It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]
I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Each moment I’m living I want to go back to sleep where I can be unconscious. Living in this world feels like an ironic form of self harm.
What an god awful day. My emotional capacity is of a child, I couldn’t even let anyone know I went home early, due to feeling like ass. I had it in my gut, that none of my friends will have time to talk to me about it, and I was right. I’m going to cut my arms open tonight. It has been a long time, since that happened but it’s just one of those days you know.? I feel heavy, burdened. It feels like an entity has reached for my heart and keeps hold of it. My weekend will just be me.
Okay so I’m very sure I have add or adhd and either depression and/or anxiety but I can’t talk to anyone about it my friends and brother tell me to stop looking for attention and they just don’t know I’m trying to get help and I just wish that I could talk to someone, and I can’t talk to a therapist for some fucking stupid reason, and I feel like I would be better off killing myself because I am failing or getting shit grades in all of my classes. I live in Canada, and I have to take French immersion because my parent won’t […]
Why should I live if everything I ever do will be forgotten and all life is, is essentially well… Pain, nothing is worth living for if everyone will die including you and me and break-ups are the worst thing ever and you have to go through that pain for so long and so many times or you could just end it all because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in school and then working until I die, I can just kill myself and get rid of all of the pain weather it is emotional or physical I will be writing more […]
I used to think of suicide as a way to make myself feel better. It was like this far off land that was comforting but I knew I’d never do. Thinking about it would remind me of all the reasons why I couldn’t. But that was awhile ago and it’s changed. Now it just reminds me of all the reasons to do it. Its like I’m already dead and I’m living in some strange in-between.
congrats on getting away with child molestation n rape. while you’re busy bitching about how I’m no-contact, I’m regretting not killing you when I had the chance. I could’ve burned you alive. I could’ve bashed your head in like you tried to do to mine. I could’ve stabbed you on any of the many occasions you “checked in on me” by ripping the doors open when I was in the bathroom. I could’ve just let you choke on your vomit when you were ODing. I probably should’ve. Could’ve been “your own fault” to everyone. I nearly walked down to the house this summer, since I […]
I am so tired of being sad and tired. I do not want to be alive anymore, but I am stuck in this place of fear and guilt. i am scared to give up, as I worry about my grandparents and family’s reactions. I do not care about myself much anymore. I act like I do, but every act feels forced and I am exhausted. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I do not have any plans to commit, but I do wonder sometimes. I just want this pain to end. To live is to suffer, and the only way […]
Do you ever dissociate on your couch at night and casually talk about suicide with your friends, though usually you keep it to yourself.?
Welp, I didn’t just spend a whole hour, writing a whole monologue on the matter of the meaning of life, nooo, I did not… This is going to be awkward tomorrow, I can tell. Not sure, if 50 deleted messages are worse though, seeing as I do that a lot, when I am hurt about something or think: Eh, it’s irrelevant (in a few hours) anyway (’cause my mood is like a pendulum of shit).
I think I’ll leave it. I don’t want […]
lmao for all of us “struggling with misotheism”
I didn’t suffer through a cult just to find this shit here, though. Jesus Christ. I’m back in college after taking a couple years off following the loss of my entire family to the cult I grew up in (praise the Lord!), and I’ve got a person in one of my classes who keeps making all of her comments about God and it’s really fucking with my head. 18 years of Sundays wasted and all I got was this stupid mental illness that convinces me that God had one of my closest friends assault and try to rape […]