Make peace, not war with yourself
I thought as I held my white balloons, I had someone to love.
that I could heal, breathe, live
smile.
but the winds sweep and change plans,
the chessboard makes an ass of us all.
I realized I never had to walk alone,
but I thought i needed someone to walk with me.
I realized self sacrifice was already done
in the name of true piety.
I thought it would hurt when I made
the ascent,
the wind blows the cigarette smoke […]
I really want to die but im still too scared to do it alone even though ive been trying and failing for years now
She threw it like it’s nothing
after all we’ve done together.
5 years of being
together
2 years of being engaged
officialy.
Done.
My parents loved her
as their own child
they treated her no different
like me and my younger brother
They raised and taught us to be a
responsible and a caring
men.
My brother has been losing weight
unwillingly
because of the new situation.
He said he hasn’t been feeling well.
To my mom.
Just to her.
I shed tears when she told me
in front of her
for the first time after many years
“I’d give my other part of me to […]
I feel incredibly alone and if you too we can talk
+52 1 9841469948
I found this person: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl
He specialized in the psychology of depression and suicide; his project managed that not even one more student (of the widespread student suicide in Vienna) commit it during that year. He wrote on the meaning of life and humanity’s attempts to answer the question:
https://www.amazon.com/Viktor-E.-Frankl/e/B000APVZJU?ref_=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Unconscious_God
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning
Surely this will prove invaluably useful!! I myself searched for meaning for 3 years; and I found that the question “What is the meaning of life?” to be faulty, but in the process I found the answer to all I need.
Most people who die are emotional about it. I’m not. I give zero fucks. I’m not confused, I don’t need therapy to help me “figure it out” because I already fucking know. It aint rocket science, shit is simple.
I hate the fucking Suburbs, first off. I was not supposed to be born in this hellhole where fuck all happens. I belonged in the fucking city actually growing myself. But instead I just got the same houses over and over and over and the only time I’d see the real world was for a night on the town. Everyone here is the same. Nobody talks like […]
One choice, one option, one and only thing that feels right to do. I’m in my junior year and as it’s believed that junior year is the most ‘important’ or whatever. So yeah, everyone expects and thinks that the entire day I keep studying in my room cause I had to tell them that I need to be alone if I am studying. But anyway, school is the last thing that I could be doing (no matter how much my “friends” call me a nerd). So yeah, now I can’t even be sad, I just have to keep pretending to study which is horrible. It […]
A girl walks by the pond. she looks up at the trees and sees the different colors of the leaves. the wind making the tree wave. she waved back. everything was finally peaceful.
If it wasn’t for my boyfriend idk where I would be at. I’m honestly so blessed to have him. as some people know that have read my rants and stuff I’ve been crying everyday for a couple of months and almost 2-5 times a day and just been hurting really bad and hating who I am and suicide was a heavy thought on my mind. But if it wasn’t for him I’m pretty sure I would be gone. He deals with my mental break downs and when I cry and when I get angry and when I’m numb. We do argue a lot but he […]
I’ve always thought of this place as a place for people who are diagnosed. I guess that’s why I never felt like I should write here. Now I’m pretty sure I need some kind of help because I saw that I actually have written entries here.
Schoolwork overwhelms me + Im @ my parents
Started abusing some meds that lay round at my house, e.g. zolpidem, which is horrible, I’m just wobbling round the house all day. Wish I could find somewhere more xanny but I popped them all. All of this is probably because of the ecstasy I took like 3-4 weeks ago (1st time doing […]
This constant hate for myself has been getting overwhelming. Honestly suicide has started to become a huge option. I try to think positively of myself and about my life but I can’t and it’s really hard. I know there are peoples life’s worse than mine but I just don’t like myself and I always feel like I don’t deserve to live. I’ve been crying everyday of my life for the past couple of months non stop about 2-5 times a day. My body has become so weak and I always feel exhausted for all this crying but get 4 hours or less sleep a day. […]
So for a while now, probably a couple of months I’ve been crying every single day about something it could be the littlest thing but I just start crying and I just going to this episode of hating myself and wanting to just be alone and away from everything and everyone and then it turns into anger and then anybody who tries to help me I give a attitude to. And I do know that I’m clinically diagnosed with bipolar depression But for years it’s been under control and I’ve learned how to control it so much that years ago the Psychiatrist felt like I […]
Well I used this website before and honestly it’s a really helpful and supporting place and I’ve never experienced any type of hate being here so I decided to use it again and I thank the people on this website for being so nice to me when sharing my feelings really means a lot and would gladly do the same . I don’t even know how to put all that I’m feeling into proper words. I’ve been going through a lot in my own head. I constantly put myself down and I’m always saying that I hate myself. And the worse part is everything I […]
yes, this shit is a soul cancer, depression is even worse than body cancer, it kills your soul , and once ur soul is dead, u are dead even if ur body keeps moving. and thats where we start thinking of commiting suicide cuz thats the only option we see, we are dead, so we want to kill the only thing left which is the body.
that bing said , i hope i dont reach that stage , am getting worse evveryday but am trying to fight back even tho i lose most of my battles vs depression, anxiety, overthinking and negativity . i am having […]
For those who need to disappear but are unable to go through with suicide.
I have spent most of my recent years attempting to “stop being me”. I am here to share my findings in a hope to help some of you. I will preface this by saying that those who struggle with addiction probably would not be able to derive any aid from this, as a good amount of patience and will is required to follow through with this process. I do not recommend this to everyone, especially minors. If anyone would wish for it, I will provide my contact details so you can reach me […]
I’m angry with my mother because I recently discovered that she violated my privacy very badly, which she had no right to do. I’ve been on the fence about confronting her for days now, but I just haven’t gained the courage to do so. I thought today was gonna be the day, but when I had the chance I froze up and was filled with anxiety, so I stayed silent. I don’t know if I could handle the tension of living here after confronting her because the soonest I could possibly move out is several months away. I’m frustrated with myself because I want her […]
I just want to know to compare with my own perspective, have you passed through a traumatic event to it to begin? or did it just crawl little by little on your mind? did you feel like this when you were a child?
Just to make me clear, i don’t want you to feel bad about this, if you don’t feel secure to talk about it, please don’t.
For me, it begun when i was really little, about 5 to 6 years old. I remember just looking at the sky and wanting to disappear, i didn’t have the concept of death, I just had the […]
Don’t use smiling as a coping mechanism.
I have grown to hate my smile. Back in middle school, i tried to cope with the depression attacks by smiling. Because, having a flash of inspiration, I thought i’d be able to get through it if i smiled. Because you smile when you’re happy, right? Idiotic thought, really. As befitting of a naive middle schooler. I never considered how creepy it’d be until after it became a habit.
I started to smile whenever i was hurting, whenever i cried and whenever it became unbearable. Memories of me smiling became the scariest and most unsettling nightmares for me.
I really hate […]
i dunno what to name this, you don’t have to read. just something i wrote…
They tell you “you’re not alone”
but why am i staring at my dry ass phone?
sitting here wishing this house was a home.
room full of people but my mind takes over and i feel by myself.
they tell you “you should reach out for help”
but opening up I pour to much and drowned everyone that wants to care.
then you hear other people’s problems talking about how their life isn’t fair.
when your life’s been a battle since your very first breath.
every day in your head, thinking […]
Ever have these (VERY) rare days, where you’re actually all cheerful and think, today is gonna be a good day? Well, fuck that.
These days seem to always go wrong for me and people never believe me, when I tell them, that being positive just fucks up my life even more…
This day was unbearably chaotic and it’s not even lunchtime. I tried smiling and being social and brave but each step that went wrong, my smile just grew weary. I don’t know where to even put that negativity that brushed over this little happy day. I don’t know how to feel..
Mad, that my […]
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