General

will the pain ever end?

Im back again bc my wish to die came back today.

I have no family, no friends, no one. I’ve tried to do my best in life being totally alone but I got fed up of being alone and have no hope that it would change.

Loneliness is too hard to bear for so many years!

Sincerely speaking, I should live more 30 years and I cant imagine how to bear so much time of loneliness.

I was at the bus stop at like 21:30 PM when this guy came out of the bus walked by and called me a f*gg*t while walking on his way to the grocery store. Since i don’t get harassed often for being trans i was a bit taken a back by his comment i still managed to shrug it off…i’ve had a pretty good day so far so that comment was a minor inconvenience in the moment.

Then the guy came back from the grocery store and came back to the bus stop. There i saw him pissing against a tree…and the rebel in me decided […]

I went to sleep somewhat calm about the situation and woke up anxious. It’s this constant back and forth of being calm and being anxious that’s starting to grind on me right now. I’m not sure if I’m grateful for those momentary moments of calm or resentful. Being anxious all the time would be awful, but having that calm ripped away from you to go back to the worry and fear feels also terrible. It’s like a man dying of thirst that is then periodically offered a tiny sip of water and no more. Was he better off continuing to […]

i’m just so angry all the time. from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. sometimes it’s dulled and turns into to numbness but every time i get a flashback to what he used to do to me i’m filled with this insane intense rage and i can’t escape it. i used to just be sad but that’s finally turned to anger and idk how to deal with it. i’m angry at the world, angry at him for doing all he did, angry at everyone who still believes i ‘wanted it’. i’m fucking livid with myself though. i let myself […]

I don’t want to be me anymore. The things I have in my head – it would be better if they didn’t exist in the world. I don’t think I’m capable of living a worthwhile life. And I don’t want to be this miserable pathetic wretch. But I’m scared that it won’t end with death. I’m scared to let go. And I don’t want to ruin the lives of my family.

Theres this new Mental Health Support discord. It is for when you need someone to talk to in the moment. You can use it as a place to recover or just as a place to get support in the moment.

https://discord.gg/dG4g5QQsd2

Hello friends,

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a year ago. It was my first obvious hypomanic episode, ie the best 6 weeks of my life – felt like a superhero. Damn it I wish I could bottle that stuff to take a swig of in the bad times. I reckon I got more done in those 6 weeks than in the previous 5 years.

Anyway I’m hoping there are some bipolar 1 or 2 fellow travellers out there who can share your perspective. Maybe even a word of advice. I know precisely 0 people with this disorder IRL

To clarify I was depressed for about 20y before […]

I know a big one is “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” the problem with this one being, it’s not always a temporary problem.

I’m curious what some unhelpful phrases you have heard are?

I remember briefly reading this one reddit post about being fated to die by suicide. Some people are meant to be doctors, some are meant to be successful and rich. Some, are just meant to suffer and die. Maybe that’s it. But because life is unfair like that, we’re all still here doing whatever we need to do.

Am I fated to die by my own hands myself? I don’t know for sure but I don’t think I could live a good fairly smooth life in this lifetime. Everything I try to do to increase my social standing I back off from it on my own. […]

I hate my life. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of never being satisfied. I am surrounded by good things that are to me tainted by the fact that they are not better, and that I am incapable of making them better. I have tried to settle, to be complacent, but it never works, it never helps.

I can’t hold a decent job. I quit college because it got too har, even though I had a free ride. I lost custody and visitation of one of my kids. I’ve abused my current spouse many times and even enjoyed it. I hate both of my […]